Last week, I was looking for hope. Hope to get better and to heal the wounds of my past, hope that this was possible and I was not "doomed" to a lifetime of dispair and misery.
My T is working out well for me. I made some major breakthroughs last week about my anger and the shame that is so closely tied to the rage inside of me. I finally watched the movie, "Ma Vie en Rose" (My Life in Pink), which my T recommended I see. It helped me tremendously!
So much so, I finally agreed to see my ex-partner to talk about our recent split up. I was strong and vulnerable with him, honest about the work I've done and how much getting to a new plateau has been good for me. I surprisingly didn't feel pangs of hurt or regret around my "failed" relationship. I understand why this happened and am grateful that we are not together. I love him deeply, but I don't actually like him very much - if that makes sense.
At any rate, we spent a couple hours talking and walking our dogs and I left with a sense of dignity that I had lost since I spent Christmas with him and his family. I left him, went to a nursery and bought some plants, went home and planted them in the garden as a symbol of my new life without him in it.
I am sad that love eluded us in the end but thankful that I have the ability to leave it behind me. I feel GOOD and had an amazing Sunday afternoon with a fellow survivor in Washington, DC.
There is hope, brothers. It gets better if you work at making it so. I hope you all have a peaceful week.
walker, there is no path, you make a path as you go...
(caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar...)