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#152815 - 04/25/07 09:16 PM What I have learned.
weepywife Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/22/06
Posts: 57
Hello all!
I am writing to tell you that I am in a much better place in my life right now. In Feb and March I was very down. Thinking about how bad my life was, scared and sad. I was obsessing over what I was going to do with MY marriage. How this problem can be solved. I was at a real low. I am writing to tell you that I am in a much better place. Now I don't expect to never have bad days but I am feeling much better about things and myself.
What changed is that I went on a short term mission trip and I finally talked to someone about what was going on in my life. Talking to a person....released me. It made me realize that I'm not crazy for feeling the way that I do. I learned so many lessons on my mission trip. That I feel have helped me so I thought I would share them.
1) I went without my husband and I did fine- I will survive by myself if I have too ( I hope I don't but I can if need be)
2) I have so much to be thankful for.....I kept dwelling on what was missing in my life before. Poor me!!! My life is so horrible! My marriage is falling apart. Everything is bad. After the trip I realized that my life is GOOD. I have running water, food, friends, and family. I have a house and freedom. I have an education.
3) I learned that I can choose to look at the sadness, the disappointments in life and dwell on that. I can choose to be sad about what I don't have. I can choose to be afraid. OR I can choose to be happy. I can choose to enjoy my life and be thankful for what I have. I keep thinking positive in my head and I won't let myself get sucked into the negativity game. I keep thinking that my husband will get better and we will have a good life. We both will be happy. Then I think well maybe we won't make it but we will continue to care about each other. If we end up getting divorced then I will move on. Things will be good. I will be okay. I can adopt kids by myself if I get divorced. I have faith for a good life no matter what.
4) I learned for me...being happy is choosing to believe that there is a God. Believing that there is life after death. Believing that there is a Savior. Believing that there is a heaven.

I hope this doesn't sound too preachy but I wanted to share some things that have helped me. Granted I know I will have bad days too but I keep focusing on the good and believing.

If you have been following what is going on with my marriage here is the update. My husband is going to therapy. He is really trying. I know he is only going to therapy because he loves me and he is trying. He still doesn't communicate any of his feelings or thoughts on the abuse. It is frustrating because I don't know if he is feeling better or worse. It scares me that I don't know what is going on in his head. We still have no intimacy. I really long for intimacy. I think he will leave me if he doesn't get better. I am leaving it up to him. Hopefully, he will get better. But if he comes to the point where he doesn't feel like he can stay married to me I will let him go. I am trusting him that he can figure this out and do what is best for both of us. He said that if he doesn't get better he will leave me because everytime he looks at me his feelings of self loathing and inadequacy makes him want to hurt himself. I don't want him to stay in this marriage if he always is feeling like that. But anyways I really hope that it works out. I want to have a family with this man.
I keep thinking of a bible verse "and these three things remain Faith, Hope, and Love"
Peace,
WW


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#152822 - 04/25/07 10:49 PM Re: What I have learned. [Re: weepywife]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
WW,
Congratulations about being in a much healthier state of mind. I think your new perspective is very good. You and I both hope our marriages work out, even beyond our expectations as some do, but if not, God has something in store for us. WE WILL BE OK. Mostly we just have fear of the unknown.

It is hard sometimes to stay optimistic all the time. Sometimes when I get really low, I try to think about 5 blessings I get every day. There are always 5, and usually more. Even if it's our favorite weather, a good meal, a smile from someone, an email, shelter, health....these are all blessings and not givens.

This is by far the hardest thing I've even been through. Just think how much stronger we will be no matter what, to have lived through such fire. I have faith that if this is not the man meant for me, there is someone, somewhere. And there also is ME, and I will have all my self-esteem back and much more free time, because I won't spend my precious time reading books about csa or typing about it. ;\)

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#152823 - 04/25/07 10:58 PM Re: What I have learned. [Re: weepywife]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Hi WW! \:\)

I agree, there's nothing like a short term mission trip to bring perspective to ones life. The troubles we think we have can melt into oblivion when faced with the horrific conditions faced by those in some of the third world countries.

It sounds like you've become comfortable with who you are, and that in turn has given you the ability to let him become whom he will. Even so I know that it must not be an easy road. Bless you.

You and your hubby will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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