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#152323 - 04/23/07 01:19 AM Wounds we Pass on
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
This seems like a generational pattern of evolution that we take part in.

My father was severely abused as a child, emotionally, physically and financially, plus he was orphaned by age 12, and the youngest in the family.

Growing in a family of 8 siblings with dwindling family fortunes must have been hard for him, when no one had time to look after him, they were all busy surviving. That is when we figured out this crazy way to get attention, by being ill, soon he was doing so regularly.

Each time he fell gravely ill he received succor from others, but that eventually made him so dependent on it, that now he doesn't want to get better, otherwise he feel he will have nothing that could attract attention on to him. He loves being a victim so much that he doesn't want to get better and he is 75 now. Still that hurt, broken child needing attention.

Everyday he would to find something that is not right with him or his body that he could then link back to his childhood. In effect he hasn't stopped crying, since no one heard him.

It is no wonder that he always found people who perpetuated this child pattern, even my mother considers him a child and treats him so, and he too obliges her by running errand for her, as an obedient child would, because he wants to be loved so badly.

Now it is hard to imagine him offering me any kind of support or succor when I needed it, he was still busy filling himself up in the company of people who would indulge in him, and gave him the 'attention', he loved being centre of attention or he wouldn't be in that company at all.

He doesn't want relationships only attention that he missed as child. He has no clue what relationships are, as he never had any as a child, and only those that fostered dependency. And yes he wants to be dependable as well, being there for anyone who needs help, or he won't be around you.

It is hard for him to have relationship not based on mutual neediness of one thing or another. He doesn't know how to be with someone, who doesn't give him attention as he wants it, yet loves him.

So when he was absent from the household both emotionally and physically, my mother had to take charge and slowly became controlling. She had to keep everything and everybody under tight leash. She never thought that allowing freehand would work in life; she had never seen that replicated in her own childhood.

Routine and disciple became the buzz words that kept life under control for her, though this also stopped her from leading a creative life as I know she could. A life everything was new everyday, in other words she dreaded newness so much that she sought refuge in routine, and hasn't changed any habits since last century.

Today my parents live on me, as they managed to pass on so many of their wounds on to me, it is their evolutionary legacy, that I have now chosen to step into as a soul, to heal and transform.

Today my major life lessons are, to not use my wounds as a social currency, or to get attention, and to open up my self enough for allow new energies, friends to flow in, and that its ok to be vulnerable and open and letting go of control.

So my parents are my living reminders of my life lessons. So that is my life's journey to heal my Father and my Mother in me. Finally it was there presence in my life brining in their individual weakness and strengths alike, that made it possible for me to seek respite within and to discover the divine within - my divine parents.

That is when all this childhood pain suddenly becomes worthwhile.

My task now is to allow the future generation to pick on the goodness they have brought into my life, and nourish them further. That is how we human being evolve. Not by passing on our dis-eases but turning the weakness of our parents into our strengths.

That is the challenge of every generation, to heal our wounds of the previous ones or we are destined to pass them on. That is the purpose of our every visit here on this planet - our life purpose, to heal our past, and pass on the love.



_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#152351 - 04/23/07 08:54 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Morning Star]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Morning Star,

How very true this is! It was that realization that drove me to seek therapy and healing in the first place.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#152372 - 04/23/07 10:26 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Derdlecar]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Morning Star,

Your comment is quite a thunderbolt for me. It suddenly makes it clear to me why someone very close to me is behaving in exactly this way.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#152419 - 04/23/07 04:03 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Morning Star]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Abuse turned me right around on how to bring up kids.
Firstly, I respect them, just as I would adults alike.
I am everything my parents could not be, kind, empathic,
and really I do think of others before myself.

My parents has enough with the other three normal kids, without
dealing with me. I was a challenge, not that I wanted to be, but
rather the position I found myself in.

I had no way of conversing how I felt, and how vulnerable I found
myself in society, and if I got bullied, I had to sort it, or stay at home crying.

I try now and say to myself, hey, you owe it to the little guy, to get through and not feel so bad about myself.
Its hard to do, but I know so much more than others I meet, because of my past,

ste


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#152477 - 04/23/07 09:04 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: reality2k4]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Excellent thread, Morning Star. Thanks.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#152629 - 04/24/07 04:34 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: WalkingSouth]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
If I look into a childs eyes, they reflect back, just how they are!
Those trusting eyes, and smile, is what we lost as boys.
Did we lose it??
Nope, its still there if we can wipe the anger from our chins and see how life should be, that of a child.

ste


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#152691 - 04/25/07 12:27 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: WalkingSouth]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

Looking at some recent posts here, and my own journey I am tempted to question what is that we gain by staying a victim. An uncomfortable, yet potent question that initiated major healing for me, and does each time I get trapped in Victim’s Mindset.

A victim doesn’t want to heal or be responsible or empowered, no matter how much he wants to get the power back or fight for it, all he wants to do is to continue talking about his past and feeling sorry for his lost childhood, and staying angry so that he can avoid doing all the work needed to heal.

A victim would never want to move on, and would even get angry if you even suggest it so., as that would mean giving up the power of being a victim, especially the righteous power of a victim. Such is the addiction to a Victim’s Mindset.

So let’s beware, all of us, as this creeps on us so often and catches us unaware. And we end up either hosting a pity party or a drunken ball, drunk with rage, resentment and bitterness. All apt ways to avoid being a responsible adult and making healthy choices that aid our healing and not keep us a victim.

That is when I ask my self, I am doing all this for my past, but what about my future, what am I doing about my present for that matter, and that is when, I wake up!

And yet again solution here is not to start judging, condemning myself and start fighting all over again, only this time with my Victims Mindset as it was only an expression, and a cry for help from my broken part.

Every 'bad' habit we want to overcome and addiction we want to heal is just that - a cry for help, just as every acting out is. It wants us to notice it and then embrace it with all our love.

My task now is to embrace it again and again each time, I get angry, righteous or start a pity party all by my self or collectively. That is the moment I integrate that broken part of my self back into myself.

That is why the most potent healing Mantra are the two words "IT'S OK", said with love and grace they work like magic on every thing that I want to heal within me, everything takes away my peace, you are only an expression of my broken and now I embrace you back into myself.


_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#152807 - 04/25/07 08:43 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: Morning Star]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16263
Again, excellent post, Morning Star.

Staying the victim is a pitfall that is very easy to fall into and we seem to think we're growing and moving on all the while wallowing in the pit.

Thanks.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#152909 - 04/26/07 02:20 PM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John's comment really got me thinking:

Originally Posted By: walkingsouth
Staying the victim is a pitfall that is very easy to fall into and we seem to think we're growing and moving on all the while wallowing in the pit.


I think we do that because for so many of us (even all of us?) coping with abuse required that we close down emotionally. I can remember laying there staring into space and "going away" to a corner of the ceiling, trying to convince myself that I wasn't the boy all those things were happening to. Even later I was still like that. In grad school I remember one friend asking me, "Don't you ever get angry about anything?

Once we begin to feel again perhaps it's easy to conclude that just the feeling itself is what it's all about. It's not so easy to see that there is so much more that remains to be done, and that there is so much wonderful life out there for us to rejoin and reclaim.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#156940 - 05/19/07 06:09 AM Re: Wounds we pass on [Re: roadrunner]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

...it is a journey

\:\)

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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