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#151822 - 04/20/07 02:11 AM People say they wouldn't change a thing...
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
I have this song stuck in my head. I heard it today on the radio and started crying. Guess we all feel this way!!!

http://mit.midco.net/deepow3/ziplo-different.html

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#151855 - 04/20/07 11:52 AM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: GWsurvives]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6411
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
God these lyrics are tough GW.

I just tried to buy this song off of Itunes...but its not there.

Any ideas as to where I get this.. Is it a really new release?

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#151859 - 04/20/07 12:13 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: Still]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3368
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
it's off of Kenny Chesney's CD - No shoes, no shirt, no problems

I know the CD is still in stores

I think it's been out for a while already

hard lyrics for me too - I've heard the song tons of times - still hits me though - so much I would of changed

we can change tommorow for the better though...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#151946 - 04/20/07 09:48 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: TJ jeff]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
What would I change? Hmmmmm. I got asked that question last year when my (honorary) little brother John picked me up from the airport. It made me think a lot, and the answer surprised me.

There's only one thing I would change. My best friend got dragged into abuse with me for the last year, and the abuser showed him hell on earth. I would do almost anything to change that.

But otherwise I have to say I would change nothing. Not a single thing.

The reason is that everything in my past has combined to stick me where I am right now. I have had some terrible issues to face and I went through many bad years: how I survived the alcohol and drugs I will never know. But that was then and this is now. I have a wife whom I love dearly, two wonderful children who are now grown up and starting lives of their own, and I have had my share of joy and fulfillment both professionally and personally. I guess where I'm going wth this is that the bad as well as the good all combined to put me where I am.

Suppose I say, I wish I had never been abused. Sure, that would have been great, and certainly it would have put my childhood on a much safer and happier trajectory. But I would not have, right now, the things and people that are so important to me. Everything would be different. Would it be better? Who knows. I might have ended up divorced a couple times and an alcoholic. I might have ended up killed in a car crash somewhere. We just never know.

It seems to me that when we think of all the things we would change, we are neglecting to take into account the good things that have happened in our life despite the abuse and other problems. To think like that is also, in a way, to blame ourselves for "failing" to take certain decisions that, if we look at it clearly, we know were beyond our power and understanding at the time. It's a concealed way of beating ourselves up all over again. It allows us to skate really close to that old false belief that the abuse was our own fault.

When I was considering this question, one problem that occurred to me was that by saying I wouldn't change anything, it felt like I was basically telling Little Larry that I don't care that he was raped and shamed over and over again for five years.

But that's not it at all. What I'm doing is telling him that he did okay. It wasn't up to him to make the decisions or even see the possibility of choices. He was just a little boy. I love him as he is, without conditions, and I blame him for absolutely nothing. The agenda for my recovery doesn't include an inventory of his screw-ups.

I don't feel like I'm giving the abuser a pass either. I'm telling him fuck you, you lose. You failed in your effort to destroy me. You're rotting in hell forever, and I'm here recovering to tell others what you did.

Finally, thinking the way I do keeps me away from dwelling on the past, which I cannot change. By staying away from reflections on what might have been I am better able to focus on myself here and now. After all (and as I remember Mike Church saying so often), it's now and in the future that I will be spending the rest of my life.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#152049 - 04/21/07 02:02 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: roadrunner]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11073
Loc: Denver, CO
If I could go back and change some things, I would have clocked a few classmates and bullies in the face, including the abusive brat.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#152206 - 04/22/07 11:16 AM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: FormerTexan]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
if i could go back and change some things? i would make god real,and none of this would have happened to any of you guys

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#152232 - 04/22/07 03:11 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: shadowkid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6411
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I use to think I'd pull that sled home a dif way...but then i realized that i was still prime perp material in a very small neighborhood. Still had a beater-dad...still had no positive parental infulence or ANY affection at home. It all was inevitable. Maybe i would have been groomed into it instead of being pulled into the woods.

_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#152265 - 04/22/07 05:54 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: Still]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
hell, anyhow! Now I'm crying... Love you guys.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#152504 - 04/23/07 11:11 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: WalkingSouth]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Robbie, you couldn't have prevented it. You already know this, but sometimes it bears repeating: it was not your fault.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#152505 - 04/23/07 11:14 PM Re: People say they wouldn't change a thing... [Re: Chain Breaker]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Right now, I just hate my parents, especially my mom. I hate her for the environment she created, and I still don't think that my going back and changing anything would have made my life suck any less. Besides, there are some things in my life that I am actually happy about: my wife, my kids, my work... And this website does more for me than I ever could have hoped for.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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