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#151965 - 04/21/07 01:46 AM I seem to be eating my emotions!!!
Daniel Peter Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/20/07
Posts: 40
Loc: Canada
I find that when I'm triggered, I either can't eat (an indicator for me that I might do the stupid "suicidal ideation" thing,) or, I can't stop! The more I control myself from going to far, the more weight I'm gaining. Since I left my knuckle-dragger job, I've shot up to 250 lbs! I feel unhealthly, but I can't get out and run because I'm too ashamed to be in public when triggered. I'm developing arthritis from my Airborne days (not that the military is going to recognize it) so I'm getting more and more limited in what exercises I CAN do. I can't afford to buy equipment, so I spend my winter days thinking about how I can't stop eating, can't even reach my toes anymore, and can't do the one thing that alwasy used to work: jogging 10 or 20 kms...which makes me depressed...which makes me eat more! I'm getting very embarrassed by how round I'm getting, but I can't stop! HELP PLEASE! Any ideas out there!

I'm Canadian so I've got full medical coverage, and the VA covers my PTSD, but I don't know what I need to ask for...and no one seems able to tell me what I SHOULD be asking for.

Daniel Peter

_________________________
He who dies with the most toys...loses them all when he dies.

He who dies having fed and cared for his brother, wins in the eyes of God...and the hearts of his brothers.

He who dies but didn't ride...well...he didn't really live anyway!

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#151978 - 04/21/07 06:51 AM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: Daniel Peter]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Daniel,

First of all, welcome to Male Survivor. I'm glad you found us. On your weight problem, if you can't jog how about going for a brisk walk instead. Anything that gets the ticker pumping and working.

Overeating is often a nervous reaction, and certainly that's the problem I have had. My weight shot up when I started dealing with my abuse issues. I was getting anxious and I was easily stressed out, and as soon as that happened I would be nibbling.

Have you talked to a doctor or therapist about this? I think they would tell you that at the end of the day, the key is to identify the problem that's causing you to overeat and then address that problem. But meanwhile, you're so right - it's a vicous circle that's difficult to break out of.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#152052 - 04/21/07 02:27 PM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: roadrunner]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Daniel,

My first thought when I read your post was one Larry had, and that is to seek a qualified therapist. By that I mean a "T" that specializes in male childhood sexual abuse. There are many therapists out there, but there are much fewer of them who really understand the issues we as male survivors face. Talk to your T about the things you've told us, and he/she will be able to best guide you through whatever particular issue it is that is contributing to your weight gain and other troubling difficulties. Concentrate on those issues first, and the weight gain will be a lot easier to work through, and the T should be able to help you with that as well.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#152066 - 04/21/07 03:12 PM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: Daniel Peter]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Sounds like self saboutage or feeling defeated.
Think about how much happier you were when you
did not have the weight problem.

You need to have faith that you can go forward.
Its not easy, but you owe it to yourself and your
health.

A guy by me, goes to the gym most mornings, and he
is seriously overweight, but he does not get taunted
but cheered for making a move and trying.

Never give up, its not too late, but you must make the
effort, and it may not be as hard as you think,

ste


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#152114 - 04/21/07 06:42 PM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: reality2k4]
Daniel Peter Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/20/07
Posts: 40
Loc: Canada
Thanks guys. I've been in treatment for years...and it seems I will be for many more. I don't want to trigger myself, suffice it to say I see a PhD who specializes in PTSD. I do the valium thing, and every now and then I end up in the hospital on "watch" for a couple days. I'm actually doing a lot better than I was 6 years ago (at least now I get help BEFORE I get too stupid) but there isn't too much more they can do from a "let's talk" perspective. Doc says it'll do too much damage 'cause too many death and destruction things are connected. So I'll just accept my limitations and drive on.

Back to chewing the "FAT," what I'm hoping for is that someone might know of a prescribable way for me to access something like a treadmill or "bowflex" or something. You see, neither the VA nor BC medi-care seem to be able to recognize that poor fitness can be a direct result of a person's reaction to severe PTSD, and that a healthy body can aid in mental health; therefore, it needs to be treated WITH the causal condition (the PTSD is the significant part of the diagnosis here...the other parts are irrelevant at this time,) and I'm not allowed to return to work (government knuckle-dragger) in case I decide to vent on a perp (which I doubt would ever happen...but they don't seem to be willing to risk it) so, after losing my career, I can't afford to buy equipment anymore; disability pensions payout little better than welfare.

Anybody ever faced this type of hurdle?

Daniel Peter

Post Script: Surrender is NOT part of my vocabulary!!! If it was, I never would have lived all those years ago.

kinda scary...isn't it. Don't worry, I'm incapable of crossing the line (which is why I always break down first.)

_________________________
He who dies with the most toys...loses them all when he dies.

He who dies having fed and cared for his brother, wins in the eyes of God...and the hearts of his brothers.

He who dies but didn't ride...well...he didn't really live anyway!

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#152575 - 04/24/07 11:10 AM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: Daniel Peter]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
I would like you add the very word SURRENDER to your vocabulary now, though in a new context.

Surrender all that you are going through to your inner self, or to the Universe. Ask it to become your partner in your recovery now, and you shall no longer be alone in your journey from that moment on. And that is a promise.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#152580 - 04/24/07 11:37 AM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: Daniel Peter]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Never surrender, thats a great start.
PTSD is a significant part of recovery.
People who dont have it, tend to have better healing
powers because their bodies dont suffer the former.

It will be cathartic if you can keep ahead and tell
yourself to do it no matter what.
You may be able to see an occuptional therapist
for the regime you choose.

Wish you well,

ste


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#152965 - 04/26/07 09:31 PM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: reality2k4]
Daniel Peter Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/20/07
Posts: 40
Loc: Canada
Thanks for the kind thoughts Morning Star, but, I've never been truly alone...God has walked with me and carried me through all of this. As for "giving it up to the universe," sorry I can't. It's not in my nature. What's wrong is wrong, and I will ALWAYS fight to fix a wrong that serious...I can't NOT fight it. That would be like, "learn to live with it..." I'd rather learn how to prevent it from happening to other kids, that's the only way I can learn to live with myself and face myself in the mirror. Good concept though, thanks.

Hey Reality2k4, I just wish I could devout as much of my commitment to controlling my eating and exercising as I do to trying to find a way to stop these @#$%ing pedophiles or fixing their damage!

An occupational therapist is a good suggestion...but they tried it and said it's best I not work now...(apparantley I lack proper social skills when triggered...which happens petty often.)

_________________________
He who dies with the most toys...loses them all when he dies.

He who dies having fed and cared for his brother, wins in the eyes of God...and the hearts of his brothers.

He who dies but didn't ride...well...he didn't really live anyway!

Top
#153610 - 04/30/07 09:38 PM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: Daniel Peter]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Daniel,
I too seem to be eating my emotions, between my depression and eating everytime I get stressed or anxious. I've gained about 75LBS in the last year, maybe year and a half. I am currently at around 300 and roughly 5'11/6'0. I routinely eat out at fast food, McDonalds, BK, Wendy's, Checkers, Taco Bell, KFC, and my favorite Dominos, it doesn't help that I can now order my pizza online, pay with my credit card and have it delivered right to my door. I keep telling myself I really need to do something about it, but I never do. I try but there seems to be so much to do, not just this but my work situation, my stuttering, my social anxiety, my PTSD, my psorasis, the list goes on and on. I'm hoping that if I continue trying I will be sucessful soon.

My sig says "I'm not like everybody else", but we are alike.

Jason


_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#153941 - 05/02/07 11:22 AM Re: I seem to be eating my emotions!!! [Re: onlyakid]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
I have been overeating since I started working on the abuse issues. Before that, I had just lost 20 lbs. I don't think I've gained it all back since then, but I know I've regained some of it. I'm diabetic, too, so I really need to be careful.

For me, eating is a way of soothing myself and calming my emotions. It works better for me than anything else I know, but you know the drawbacks. I know that eating a more healthy diet and getting exercise are easier for me when I believe I deserve to be cared for. I think that learning we are worthwhile should be the primary focus for those of us who eat our feelings. We're hungry for self-worth, not for food.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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