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#151910 - 04/20/07 05:32 PM I met a guy......
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I have lately thought of myself to be strait, and am attracted to women, but have also bin curious. I don't know if this is be cause of my abuse and wanting attention from a male but. on thursday I when to a gay bar and met a nice guy that was my age and told him that this was my first expirience with in a gay bar and told him that I have never kissed a guy (intentionally or willingfully). So with out hesitation we kissed.

And, it felt REALLY GOOD!!! Now maybe it was just that kissing anyone feels good or that it felt nice to be wanted, but I'm thinking of meeting him again and just seeing where it goes from here.

I don't know if I'm gay/ strait/ or Bi --I think I'll chose bi for now.


I have not had a relationship in a very long time and maybe that is all that I wanted, and so this fufils the desire. But I would like to see him again.

The kiss felt good and not wrong in any way so I think it is ok to explore this for a little while longer.


It has been soooo long since I have been in aq relationship and want one sooo badly, but I don't know what the right way to handle this,,, do I call him now, or wait. and then what should I tell him?

That I like him, that I enjoyed his company, that I wanna see him again?

I don't know what to do.

Please. any help or advise you guys could give would be most appriciated!!!!!

Humblly,

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#151913 - 04/20/07 05:51 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Logan - follow your heart. thats all i can say. i am not sure if it is to do with your abuse.

duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#151921 - 04/20/07 06:33 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: duncanUK]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
Reading that logan made me smile, especially the kiss part. I think this is a good thing. And i think its something you should explore. A lezy-bean friend of mine always tells me there relly are no need for handles. Gay-Straight-Bi, its all good and just be you. And if being you means you want to see where things lead with this guy and you enjoy his company then i'm happy for you.

I never understood the calling thing myself. If he gave you his number then thats a sign he wasnts to hear from you. Call whenever you feel comfterble. I'm not sure what the appropriate waiting period would be if there is one. And just tell him how much fun you had with him. And if he'd like to go out again sometime with you. Hope this helps in any way.

Congrats

Eric

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#151937 - 04/20/07 08:04 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: jamie']
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Logan,

You are what you are, gay, straight or bi. I don't think we get to choose that. Abuse can scramble up our sense of boundaries and make sexual acts and thoughts seem very dangerous - so yes, abuse can affect us. But at the end of the day, you haven't been "made gay" or bi. This is how you are just naturally. Like the color of your eyes.

I think any move toward being true to yourself is a good thing. If you feel you are being totally honest with yourself about your sexuality, and if you find that being with this guy sexually and emotionally brings you joy and fulfillment, then hey, go for it is all I can say.

Taking it slow and easy at first might be a good idea - no need to rush into things. See how you feel and whether this is right and works for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#152082 - 04/21/07 04:04 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: roadrunner]
bisulatino Offline
Member

Registered: 03/11/03
Posts: 70
Loc: San Diego, CA
Logan,

Congrats, you just had a great new experience! Just be careful, it's very tempting to do many things very quickly but don't move too fast and never do anything you don't want to do. You will spare yourself a lot of hurt. Get to know this guy, get to know his friends, find out if he is a good person or not. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you communicate that to him so he knows what to expect.


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#152184 - 04/22/07 07:33 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: bisulatino]
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
I think you've received some pretty good advice from the posts above. Some of us eventually drift into a place where labels "fit" (most of the time) but others sort of move from straight to bi to gay and/or back again.
My advice would be to take your time and listen to your heart; you'll know when the time is ripe what comes "naturally" for you.
Best wishes,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#152279 - 04/22/07 08:03 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Thank you guys for replying, it really means alot to me.

Now the new question, he text messaged me if I was going out tonight, yesterday.

I don't know what that means, or how to read the signs.

Does that mean he likes me too, that he is interested. So what should I do? I mean I wanna see him again, but I don't know how to respond with ourt sounding desparet or wierd or what ever.

anyone have any dating advice.

I want to see him again. I can't stop thinking about him-- maybe because I've been alone for sooo long and don't wanna be alone any more.

Some body Please help me out.

someone has to have ssome experience with this or been through this before.


Please, Please tell me what to do, any advice of how to respond to him would be great but anything you guys could tell me would be great!!!!!

humbly,

your nervous freind

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#152534 - 04/24/07 01:06 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Logan, Here is some advice from a 95% straight guy. It is totally ok to take it slow. I have only been attracted once, so far to a gay guy. I had a affair with him, which I should not of had, as I was married. Some of the sex happened way to fast. If I had been more sure about myself I would have told him to slow down.

A book about dating that I like is "Smart dating by Donald Black".

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#152874 - 04/26/07 11:28 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: lostcowboy]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Logan,

Coming from a guy who was married (In a straight relationship) then came out and have been out I want to warn you of the users out there in the gay world.

I am not downing the people of my own "group" but there are alot of guys who simply want to use you for one thing...Sex. Iam not saying this is his motivation but go slow...dont get hurt.

Yes this maybe rough but I got hurt a few times because I didnt take things slow enough. If he text you and asked if you were going out he was looking to meet you again.

Do this...it worked for me. Tell him you aren't neccessarily looking for sex. If thats what he is interested in he will not come back. If he ios truely interested in you then he will keep calling and talking to you.

Just my two cents.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#154799 - 05/06/07 08:54 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Congrats on meeting a guy you like. I, too, share the concern that there are some gay men who are just out to use people for sex. If you are certain that's not the case, then go for it. Cautiously of course. But if it is the case, cut your losses before you get hurt.


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#154902 - 05/07/07 07:27 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: cat lover]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Logan,

I will just repeat what others have suggested. Take it slow and keep within boundaries that you feel safe with. If this guy is as great as you hope, he will understand your situation and be patient with you. If he gets pushy, let him take a hike - you really don't need that crap when you are dealing with so many complicated personal issues. You need someone who will accept you just as you are right now.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154976 - 05/08/07 04:40 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: cat lover]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Aboyt all the thisg that you guys suggestsed, I made a BIG mistake and got hurt-again!

There where these 2 nice guys, a couple, who began to hit on me, I euess 'Youth Is a Big commodity in the homoexual world' and anyway they invited me back to ther place and said "don't worry, it's only accople of blocks a away." A this point no red flags came up some I;efy with the younger of the ywo of them, he was maybe mid to tplate 30's and his BF about 50.

BTW, will I was at the bar I was it on bo sooo many guys-not that I was really attracted to anyone of rhem but It felt really GOOD to be LIKED by sombody and I think I made some friends in the prosseces. But I did not relize at the time that that most gay relationships are about physical atrraction rather than heartfelt atracction.

BTW, GTRAFiC MAY BE A TRIGGER TO SOME
So anyway, back to the older couple, I left the bar having had only one drink, so I was Prettry clear headed. Their Apt. was more than a cople of bocks away, more like 10, anyway one we go itside, I was amazed at how beutiful and posh it was: stained ock walls, peesian tapastries, marble and grainite kitchcken and brase coverings to everything. I thought we where going to talk and sit down a for a while but befor I knew it he was kssinging me and taking my shirt of--and a first I thouhght this is what I wanted, but it was all happening so fast.

His older partner walked in and and saw us both half naked and quickly got undressed and asked me if I would like a drink and used this opertunity to pull away an say the first thing that came to my mouth......ahhhhh um vodka/tonic please, from the counerof my eye I could see him add NO ice and fill the glass about 90% straight vodka with only a splash of vogka (think 4 martini's). So I took a sip and choked on it and mumbled it's a bit strong, he on'y mildly replied. "oh...is it?"

Right then I could begin to feel that somthing was wrong like I had been lured there to be trapped and all they wanted was sex-mayby if one follows one guy home from a bar that is the expectation, by not in my hetero rlationships.

But for some reason I pursed thinking mabe I cold revisit the past somehow and in my mind chande the memory.

I told ment that no condoms-NO sex and that was final! "Even with oral the older one replyied" and I everything and didn't budge standing ther naked! wreid I was compleatly naked in front of 2 strange men and did not feel emarassed as if I had some sort of power over them- I mean I never used to take showers in high school for feeling to embarassed to and there I was.

So the younger one said quickly we have condoms all over the place and in tens sec's flat was back, the older one put it on and to me to 'suck it' and so I did Not feeling good or bad on particular and then the yonger one began to sum mine but didn't get hard-at all-nada- so then the said it would be better it the bedroom where they had a gaint plasm HDTV and prececed to pay hard core gay sex which was a tunrn off for me but I did not say anything.

So I continued going downon the older on I'll call 'K' for now, an dhte younger onr 'B' forn now on.

So B' ask if he could enter me anallyaal and at first I said no and was very relulctant, but he said he would take it slow and I=he did and it didn't hurt so bad, not like when I was a kid.

But then K, shoved some bottle of liquid under my nostrill and the wold became a daze and he started to talk really dirty to me saying things like: yeah I knen you were a fagboy the moment I laid eyes on you, you love to suck my fat cock, don't you. and that started to make my mind drifit to when I ways I little kid like some of the things my second perp used to say to my while raping me, and then all of a sudden he grabbed my head and pushed down had so that I was choking and he started shouting 'swallow that cock' 'swallow " "' over and over and BAM was 8 years old again and could not move I just froze up for a few secendonds and then I started to squerm and fight and he let got and I shot up and off the bed and said I CAN'T DO THIS! I was shaking and and tears were running down my cheecks.
'
I dont wanna tsalk about this anymore and K asked for my ID and I said that 1vaws almost 18 (knowing full well that I was newly 26 but have been told in the pas that I don't look a a over 16.

K said he was sorrry but I did not believe him for a second he is just sadistic and did not want to get in trouble.

B, on the other hand, I think felt trully sorry and gave me his personall number 'just in case I need anything.'

When I got back to my apt. I sat in the dark aferter taking 50mg of valium and shudders and cried all night 'till dawn and then cried mydelf to sleep. my entire pillow was soaked in tears.

that is all I can wright for now. I only wish I had followed all your guys advice and wish I had a friend that did not demand sex in return.

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#155032 - 05/08/07 01:26 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Logan...I replied in the other thread....

OMG...Logan I am so sorry!!! God, I hate gay guys...I say this even though I am one. I wish there was something I could do. I feel for you simply because shortly after I came out I the same experience only I was drugged. I empathize withe the flashbacks...the samething happenned to me. None of that makes THIS KIND SHIT RIGHT!!! DAMNIT!!! I HATE THIS!!!

I was once where you are, And I still kinda am, it is hard to find gay friends cause they all want to get into your pants!!! ASSHOLES!!! IAM SO SORRY!!!

The liquid in the bottle are called poppers, they are made to "loosen" you up physically and mentally. Its nothing but pure rape. I wish I knew where they were for god sakes they would be sorry for what they did to you!!!

YOU DESERVE NONE OF THIS!!!!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#155035 - 05/08/07 01:52 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: pain4ever]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Man, Logan, I just feel so bad for you.

These guys are rapists -- especially K. I would happy to join Brian in making them sorry for what they did to you. They have to drug you to get you to "have sex" with them! I use the quotation marks because you didn't really have sex; you were violated.

I am also sorry you pursued this, but you bear none of the blame for what happened to you. Remember, you have not yet established that you are truly gay. That will take some time to figure out. I think I would watch out for gay predators, if I were you. I don't believe most gay men would have done this to you, and I hope you won't blame their conduct on their sexuality. They didn't do this to you because they're gay; they did it to you because they're bullies and criminals. Please don't ever talk to B again; he's not your friend any more than K is.

Remember that you are loved here, in a safe, non-sexual way. What you need are friends, not "sex partners." Take care of yourself, brother.

Much love,
CB

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#155036 - 05/08/07 02:00 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Chain Breaker]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
CB,

I shouldn't blame it on their sexuality either. I appologize for that but the gay bar scene is...well I can't explain it....the sterotype....Its all horrible. I have seen this happen to friends, I have seen this happen all too often. I try to warn people and I am told I am just paranoid. No I am not, it comes from experience...from story after story just like Logans. I steer clear of gay bars anymore. I just don't know what to do when you see guy after guy with the same or similar stories. It makes me ashamed to say I am gay...no I am not ashamed, just complete repulsed by the stereotype that guys like K and B are perpetuating.

Again, iam sorry for the strong reaction.

Logan,

I know it is hard but don't let this make your descision on your sexuality. There are good gay guys out there but the bad ones out number them greatly. You did nothing wrong, you didn't ask or deserve this.

Again I am so sorry!!!!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#155061 - 05/08/07 02:53 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: pain4ever]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Thanyou guys so, so much for replying (tears).

it makes me feel so much better!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't blame it on the sexuallity part but just like when we were kids ,-they are the same. I mean the same type of person (Predators) looking for the inocent to take control of them and detsrtoy them inside and out. and Gay bars are full of them!

not to say that everyone in them is one but, they are like seductive sharks, promissing everythinjg that a lonley kid/young guy wants and then they pull a 180 and are just in it for their own pleasure not careing who they hurt.

Thank God I got out of there I think If they figured out my real age they woulod definatly have raped me me right there.


I'm never gonna be that dumb and blinded by promisses of love and compassion and I think I'll stay away from the gay club scene altogher for now. It's just to risky and stressful and there has to be other ways of making friends without so much risk involved.

anyone have any Idea's?

Anyway Thankyou both Brian And CB for your support-I don't know what I would have done without you!!! I really mean that.

Love,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#155070 - 05/08/07 03:04 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Logan,

I have used online chat rooms, safe, anonymous and most of all safe. But just avoid meeting in person for now. Be strong and we will be here for you!!!!

You have friends here!

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

Top
#155082 - 05/08/07 04:12 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: pain4ever]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Logan,

I hope you won't see this as the act of "gay men" against you. The operative term is "predators", not "gay". The same thing can happen in straight encounters as well, and there are plenty of gay men who, like the guys here, would be shocked and appalled at what happened to you.

Don't blame yourself for not listening to advice to take it slow; whatever you were told here or elsewhere doesn't change the fact that you had every right to expect to be able to visit a few new friends and still be safe. Again, we are talking about predators pure and simple.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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