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#151910 - 04/20/07 05:32 PM I met a guy......
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
I have lately thought of myself to be strait, and am attracted to women, but have also bin curious. I don't know if this is be cause of my abuse and wanting attention from a male but. on thursday I when to a gay bar and met a nice guy that was my age and told him that this was my first expirience with in a gay bar and told him that I have never kissed a guy (intentionally or willingfully). So with out hesitation we kissed.

And, it felt REALLY GOOD!!! Now maybe it was just that kissing anyone feels good or that it felt nice to be wanted, but I'm thinking of meeting him again and just seeing where it goes from here.

I don't know if I'm gay/ strait/ or Bi --I think I'll chose bi for now.


I have not had a relationship in a very long time and maybe that is all that I wanted, and so this fufils the desire. But I would like to see him again.

The kiss felt good and not wrong in any way so I think it is ok to explore this for a little while longer.


It has been soooo long since I have been in aq relationship and want one sooo badly, but I don't know what the right way to handle this,,, do I call him now, or wait. and then what should I tell him?

That I like him, that I enjoyed his company, that I wanna see him again?

I don't know what to do.

Please. any help or advise you guys could give would be most appriciated!!!!!

Humblly,

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#151913 - 04/20/07 05:51 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Logan - follow your heart. thats all i can say. i am not sure if it is to do with your abuse.

duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#151921 - 04/20/07 06:33 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: duncanUK]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
Reading that logan made me smile, especially the kiss part. I think this is a good thing. And i think its something you should explore. A lezy-bean friend of mine always tells me there relly are no need for handles. Gay-Straight-Bi, its all good and just be you. And if being you means you want to see where things lead with this guy and you enjoy his company then i'm happy for you.

I never understood the calling thing myself. If he gave you his number then thats a sign he wasnts to hear from you. Call whenever you feel comfterble. I'm not sure what the appropriate waiting period would be if there is one. And just tell him how much fun you had with him. And if he'd like to go out again sometime with you. Hope this helps in any way.

Congrats

Eric

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#151937 - 04/20/07 08:04 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: jamie']
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Logan,

You are what you are, gay, straight or bi. I don't think we get to choose that. Abuse can scramble up our sense of boundaries and make sexual acts and thoughts seem very dangerous - so yes, abuse can affect us. But at the end of the day, you haven't been "made gay" or bi. This is how you are just naturally. Like the color of your eyes.

I think any move toward being true to yourself is a good thing. If you feel you are being totally honest with yourself about your sexuality, and if you find that being with this guy sexually and emotionally brings you joy and fulfillment, then hey, go for it is all I can say.

Taking it slow and easy at first might be a good idea - no need to rush into things. See how you feel and whether this is right and works for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#152082 - 04/21/07 04:04 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: roadrunner]
bisulatino Offline
Member

Registered: 03/11/03
Posts: 70
Loc: San Diego, CA
Logan,

Congrats, you just had a great new experience! Just be careful, it's very tempting to do many things very quickly but don't move too fast and never do anything you don't want to do. You will spare yourself a lot of hurt. Get to know this guy, get to know his friends, find out if he is a good person or not. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you communicate that to him so he knows what to expect.


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#152184 - 04/22/07 07:33 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: bisulatino]
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
I think you've received some pretty good advice from the posts above. Some of us eventually drift into a place where labels "fit" (most of the time) but others sort of move from straight to bi to gay and/or back again.
My advice would be to take your time and listen to your heart; you'll know when the time is ripe what comes "naturally" for you.
Best wishes,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#152279 - 04/22/07 08:03 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
Thank you guys for replying, it really means alot to me.

Now the new question, he text messaged me if I was going out tonight, yesterday.

I don't know what that means, or how to read the signs.

Does that mean he likes me too, that he is interested. So what should I do? I mean I wanna see him again, but I don't know how to respond with ourt sounding desparet or wierd or what ever.

anyone have any dating advice.

I want to see him again. I can't stop thinking about him-- maybe because I've been alone for sooo long and don't wanna be alone any more.

Some body Please help me out.

someone has to have ssome experience with this or been through this before.


Please, Please tell me what to do, any advice of how to respond to him would be great but anything you guys could tell me would be great!!!!!

humbly,

your nervous freind

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#152534 - 04/24/07 01:06 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Logan, Here is some advice from a 95% straight guy. It is totally ok to take it slow. I have only been attracted once, so far to a gay guy. I had a affair with him, which I should not of had, as I was married. Some of the sex happened way to fast. If I had been more sure about myself I would have told him to slow down.

A book about dating that I like is "Smart dating by Donald Black".

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#152874 - 04/26/07 11:28 AM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: lostcowboy]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
Logan,

Coming from a guy who was married (In a straight relationship) then came out and have been out I want to warn you of the users out there in the gay world.

I am not downing the people of my own "group" but there are alot of guys who simply want to use you for one thing...Sex. Iam not saying this is his motivation but go slow...dont get hurt.

Yes this maybe rough but I got hurt a few times because I didnt take things slow enough. If he text you and asked if you were going out he was looking to meet you again.

Do this...it worked for me. Tell him you aren't neccessarily looking for sex. If thats what he is interested in he will not come back. If he ios truely interested in you then he will keep calling and talking to you.

Just my two cents.

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#154799 - 05/06/07 08:54 PM Re: I met a guy...... [Re: Logan]
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Congrats on meeting a guy you like. I, too, share the concern that there are some gay men who are just out to use people for sex. If you are certain that's not the case, then go for it. Cautiously of course. But if it is the case, cut your losses before you get hurt.


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