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#151699 - 04/19/07 12:21 PM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: ChainBreaker]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Robbie, I agree with Roadrunner - I have told things to friends and they were so stunned, it took a while for a reply. I know about "Not to complain...but the things I have done for him..." Bingo - you been looking into my thoughts again? I have friends up in Berlin (NH) and I'm not sure how they would react. She told me things about herself and I was shocked and it took a while and this was before I got PC, but it was a totally different subject.
Hang on. I hear that Spring will come back, probably in June.

froggy

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#151795 - 04/19/07 09:11 PM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: froggy12]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
my brother is 7 and i can tell you he would not know even where to touch another kid.normal sex play?what is normal sex play?dont you think that we of all people should be able to see the signs of abuse? saying its normal sex play is PART OF THE PROBLEM! maybe at 11 or 12 when a kids starts to become aware of his body yeah ,8? id rather make someone uncomfortable ,than just shrug it off ,thats kinda how lots of guys ended up here right? maybe its important enough to take a chance? maybe not

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its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#151804 - 04/19/07 10:41 PM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: shadowkid]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
deleted so that I will not be misquoted again.



Edited by Nobbynobs (04/22/07 05:08 PM)
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When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#151815 - 04/20/07 12:20 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Nobbynobs]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
understood..and conveyed to Jerry ..thanks

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#151841 - 04/20/07 07:56 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Still]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dude i dont know where you live but the stuff you just described is not normal,your son wants hims mommie to kiss it? not normal sorry not where i come from ,! her fishy! sorry no .

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its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#151844 - 04/20/07 08:40 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: shadowkid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Nobs, Given my early experiences (rapes) I honestly dont know WHAT is normal for childhood behavior. I truly dont.

What triggered the hell out me with regard to Tylor was that 1) it bothered him enough to go tell dad...and 2) that it was an un-wanted, overt act.

So, im MY book of reference, that's SA.

I have given Jerry both sides of analysis here.

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Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#151846 - 04/20/07 09:10 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Still]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Robbie,

I know how you feel, and believe me, as a fellow parent I know how difficult it can be, especially when you're a survivor. But it is really best not to jump to conclusions. It's great that you want to help your friend, and it's also great that you are watching out for his little guy. That's what good friends and neighbours do.

Adam,

When you have children you might change your perspective. Kids don't think in terms of "sex." They are simply curious about their "special parts," especially when they can see that their parents have two different types. Also, they very quickly learn that it feels good when they touch themselves there, so they start masturbating almost as soon as they can reach their genitals. Any parent of a toddler can tell you how much of a challenge it can be to get kids to keep their clothes on.

As far as teaching children to use special names for their genitals, there is a strategy to that. Some pedophiles, especially ones that prey on very young children, will teach children that words like penis or vagina are bad. This is to prevent the children from talking to their parents about the abuse.

Most parents will use a secret name like "fishy" so that when their child talks about her "fishy" they know what she means, and they can talk to her about it without using words that might make her upset.


_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#151849 - 04/20/07 10:25 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Nobbynobs]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

I think it's important to bear in mind that as survivors we may often tend to be hyper-vilgilant. Watching out for the safety of our children is important, sure, but I would agree with Nobs that kids are insatiably curious. That's an important dimension of their development, and they will be as curious about their sexual parts as anything else, and even more. They have an unacanny knack for picking up on the "vibes" around them, and that means they will quickly figure out that sexual parts have something special and secret about them. So they will talk about this and experiment with their friends rather than ask their parents.

At 7, yes, your little brother probably has no clue about sex and not any interest either. But I bet he does have an interest in his body and especially in his penis. Is it bigger or smaller than those of other boys, why does it look different, why does it "stand up" sometimes, etc. This questioning really is just a part of childhood, and experimentation among kids is very common. This is a well-attested fact, and no, it isn't abuse.

Where it turns to abuse is when one boy is disempowered, manipulated or exploited. This is most common when there's a significant difference in age, but it can also happen if, for example, a group of boys gangs up on one. In the case of Tylor, yes, that sounds abusive to me, but if I were handling this I would not treat the older boy as an abuser. He's young as well, and I would want to talk to him about good and bad touching and try to get him to tell me where he learned to behave like this. It's probably something that was done to him.

The danger lurking right under the surface of our vigilance, Adam, is the problem of humiliating a boy who was just playing around and making him link sex and his body with shame and being bad. There's a fine line here, yes, but I think any parent ought to approach this issue very carefully and calmly. This is one of those areas where a kid's trust and confidence in talking to safe adults can so easily be shattered.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#151852 - 04/20/07 10:35 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: roadrunner]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Very well said, Larry.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#151957 - 04/20/07 11:32 PM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: FormerTexan]
Daniel Peter Offline
Guest

Registered: 04/20/07
Posts: 40
Loc: Canada
No, not a fool. All I see on these pages are courages "brave-hearts." Everyday we see, meet, or hear about people who can't face us, let alone HEAR about what we all LIVED! Yet, here you all stand, facing demons square in the eye shouting "NO, what happened was wrong and I'll fight to make it right!" Fools? Hell no---heros all.

Daniel Peter

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He who dies with the most toys...loses them all when he dies.

He who dies having fed and cared for his brother, wins in the eyes of God...and the hearts of his brothers.

He who dies but didn't ride...well...he didn't really live anyway!

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