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#151483 - 04/18/07 01:59 PM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: buzz_key]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Originally Posted By: buzz_key
this sucks. I read this and am fearful that the two friends I am about to disclose to, will react similarly...

I guess it will always be the risk we take....but if we don't take the risk...we are assured of the outcome!

I think I'll still take the risk and deal with whatever happens.


Have you thought through what you want from your disclosure? Why these two friends? Do you think they will be ready to hear what you want to tell them? How will it affect you if it goes badly? Are you prepared and ready to respond if they bring up one of the myths of CSA? All these are considerations a survivor needs to think through very carefully as he approaches disclosure.

I don't know if I or someone else has mentioned this to you, and perhaps you have already read it, but Ken Singer has a really good article on disclosure and confrontation here on MS:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#151496 - 04/18/07 02:36 PM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: roadrunner]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
You know, I have disclosed to hundreds of people and not one has brought up any of the myths of CSA. Most people just get very sad or cry.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#151632 - 04/19/07 12:11 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Nobbynobs]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
PAYDAY!!!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was talking to a very good and old friend (Jerry) about my SA. He's known for 2 months now and has been VERY supportive.

I told him how quickly things can happen to a kid. Sometimes they cannot be avoided. I cited an article that I'll give you below. It describes a VERY quick rape of an 8-yr-old boy in plain-site!

Jerry was astounded. I went on the tell him how prevalent it is (in my opinion). I warned him that it could happen to his boys and that you cant always prevent things, but that they need to be able to tell him ANYTHING at ANY TIME...and be comfortable with telling.

He then said that Tylor (his 8 yr-old) told him that the boy across the street "rubbed his pee pee through his pants" (from the ouside) and wondered why he did that. Jerry did not realize the extent to which THAT was SA. I warned him that he has a child-predator accross the street and that he's a real and present danger to Tylor...and that NO kid should EVER be alone with that boy...that this was likley step-one. That Tylor could end up in that kids house and...

K...i'm shaking now...but i feel like this is a paycheck for all this horrible f****ng pain!!! maybe i stopped something...

see this article...show it to people who have their head in the sand. It happens just that fast. God...it DID with me.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1264/is_n7_v22/ai_11384504



Edited by Robbie Brown (04/19/07 06:24 AM)
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#151658 - 04/19/07 06:32 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Robbie,

I'm so glad this worked out for you. Disclosing to people is so difficult at first, and when it works out so well, as in this case, it really feels great. And what a bonus! Your friend is not only understanding, but actively supportive. That's wonderful news.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#151659 - 04/19/07 06:40 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
this is actually a different friend. the other still will not make contact after 2+ weeks of having the story.

But thanks re the good news. I feel/know this IS a truly tangible benefit to all this crap

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#151671 - 04/19/07 08:07 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Still]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
rob at 8 no kid can be a predator,somebody is teaching that kid ,he needs help dude! a teenager maybe could be a perp ,but not an 8 year old somebody find out whose perping that kid ! adam

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#151672 - 04/19/07 08:20 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: shadowkid]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I'll bring it up with Jerry today!!!

Thanks

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#151677 - 04/19/07 08:45 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Still]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Be very careful with this, Rob.

How old is the other boy? If he is another 8-year old, then it could have just been sexual play. Children that old will still play around with each other, so it might be premature to assume that this is CSA-related. They may have just been playing Doctor.

Remember that accusations of CSA can't be taken back. Your friend needs to speak to his son and get some more detail on what happened. If something seems "off" about the story, then it wouldn't hurt for your friend to speak to the other boy's parents. (I assume your friend knows them well, since he is letting his child play at their house.)



_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#151678 - 04/19/07 08:50 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Nobbynobs]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6317
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Thanks Nobs,

Jerry is an ex-cop, so he's pretty good at digging tactfully. I have a hard time thinking of any overt reach-out-and-touch-someone act as normal childhood sex-play. I have no idea what that normal childhood sex-play is. That is where Jerry waa putting this...into that category. I fear its otherwise.

rob

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#151686 - 04/19/07 11:03 AM Re: Feeling like a Fool [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Robbie,

Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
He then said that Tylor (his 8 yr-old) told him that the boy across the street "rubbed his pee pee through his pants" (from the ouside) and wondered why he did that. Jerry did not realize the extent to which THAT was SA. I warned him that he has a child-predator accross the street and that he's a real and present danger to Tylor...and that NO kid should EVER be alone with that boy...that this was likley step-one. That Tylor could end up in that kids house and...


Wow. My eye flew right over this paragraph earlier today.

The good news here is that Tylor went to his father with his discomfort about what had happened. That's really important, and hopefully this episode can be handled in a way that the boy doesn't feel that his openness with his Dad has blown up in his face.

I would agree with Nobs about the pretty innocent possibilities here. Kids this age are becoming curious about their bodies and will often share that curiosity with other kids. I read somewhere that up to a third of all boys get into this sort of experimentation at some time or another before or during puberty. They may play doctor ("check up, check down") or whatever, without any harm being done to any of the participants.

If the other boy is significantly older, however, or if things went further than just playful touching, then there may be a problem. But even then, Tylor's Dad needs to be really careful how he handles this, otherwise the boy could emerge feeling ashamed or guilty and may hesitate to come to his Dad in the future.

There are a number of good books for kids this age about "good touch, bad touch", and the message is basically that a boy's body belong to him and not others, and that it's not a good thing if he is touched in the area covered by his swimming trunks or underpants. These books also stress that "touching secrets" should not be kept.

I posted a list of these a few weeks ago, but I can find them again if you're interested. The problem is that some are outdated and even, in my opinion, irresponsible. But the good ones really are excellent.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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