Brian & Brian
Couldn't read this without crying for both of you, for both of me, and for all of us hurting man-boy male survivors. Crying becuz of the hell on earth we've been thru. Cring becuz of the hope for healing & thriving that we have, that shines thru your words.
Thank you for sharing yourself with us in this way! Reading it & crying over it is a cathartic experience for me. It hits so close to home for me!
I lived in an incestuous relationship with my mother from infancy until I was 12. I was a surrogate husband, overexposed to constant nudity & sexuality. And she liked to share me or spread me around too.
When I was ten, she sold me (tho I didn't know that then) to a gay couple, friends of hers I thot were friends of mine. I thot we were going to their apartment just to play & pal around. I had no idea what that meant in their sick minds!
They raped me. Then brot me home like nothing happened. My mother was waiting & took the money. Like nothing happened.
But the child she had been slowly poisoning died. Little Wuame, who had never had a chance to be a child, was buried that day. There was now only a ten year old man who had never been a child, had always had to be grown up, but didn't know how to be a man either.
But he damn sure tried, and he survived!
Even as a child, he was too good a man for her & she knew it! Mother put him in a children's home & abandoned him, but did him a big favor!
Thirty-five years later, about a year ago, flashbacks started reminding me of what had happened to little Wuame. We've been working together on recovery, on re-integrating our dis-integrated selves, becoming whole, healthy, & happy. With a lot of help from our friends!
I had started writing & talking to little Wuame. Lately we've gotten rather occupied in dealing with things like our PTSD, our depression, our chronic physical pain, our obsessive compulsive habits, and our sex/porn addiction. And therapy, where we've just done some serious dealing with mother; we're putting her and the past behind us.
You guys have inspired me! Especially Brian & Brian. Little Wuame & I are gonna take some more time to talk, and I'm gonna write him a nice long letter.
We are more determined than ever! Little Wuame is going to have the childhood he never had, and Big Wuame is going to enjoy it with him! And we are going to grow up & grow strong together, and become the person we're meant to be, as God created us, whole & sacred & special, in His image!
Thanks so much, Brians! All you guys, you're terrific & special! Thanks!