Newest Members
BCtejas, JHNebraska, mike42069, JACKL, Personman
12491 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
mrwhiskers (25), SouthernLaw (41), TerryT (61)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 12 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12491 Members
74 Forums
64159 Topics
447734 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#14981 - 05/05/03 01:17 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
How do you know when you trust the T?
Tough question, but I know for me trust had to be built gradually over relatively long periods of time. MY CSA came up after a session, within the last 2 years, in which I had been discussing with my T other sexual issues. I had just started having flashbacks. I trusted my T enuf to tell him about that the next week. But it took awhile before I got even to that point. I don't know how. Just kept going & talking...

Quote:
Tone - I've had four "T's" throughout my life. All have been male. I don't think I look at gender as the decision as to wether they are a good choice. I feel that I know myself enough to realize that my relationship with my dad and the physical abuse has left me with 'authority' issues on that side so I choose males don't know yet if this is good or bad though.
Marc, I've also had four T's, all male, all spread over the last 13 years. I have authority issues with men and with women, of different kinds
For me it was a matter of what would probably mess with my mind the least based on what had messed with it the most in the past. Thus I deliberately chose male T's.

Depends on the person, situation, & lots more.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#14982 - 05/05/03 03:35 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Quote:
I just started having flashbacks. I trusted my T enuf to tell him about that the next week. But it took awhile before I got even to that point. I don't know how. Just kept going & talking...
So if I understand you Vic, it just kind of happened?


Top
#14983 - 05/05/03 04:19 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5381
Loc: Washington State
Tone,

I have never seen a T and I do not plan on seeing one. My only advice is that you listen to your self and find a T that you feel safe and cared for. I would not getto hung up on the sex of the T I would go with the one that makes you feel safe and that you can trust to help you heal.


Lots of love, young wolf pup Nathan


Top
#14984 - 05/05/03 04:41 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
So if I understand you Vic, it just kind of happened?
Seemingly so. But really I don't believe in coincidences much.

I think my mind was being set up to clear this SA crap out:

1) by 11 years of therapy which cleared out the layers of crap on top of it;

2) by all my years of living with the agony of dissociating & suppressing from it tho way deep down I felt something was wrong & even had a fair idea what it was;

3) by gradually working up to talking with T's about deeper & deeper as well as more & more sex-related issues;

4) by the last visit of my mother after which my wife & daughters pointed out to me that she evidently hadn't changed much in her emotionally incestuous & narcisstic ways (tho they used different words);

5) by 9-11;

6) by hearing more & more about CSA, like when I went online to deal with my sex addiction; and

7) by the love of my wonderful wife & daughters.

All this & more just made me ready (as I could be, tho sometimes I wonder) to remember, face up to having been SA, and becoming a true survivor.

So no Marc I guess it didn't really just happen. It's just that I did nothing specifically to make it happen since I didn't know what I was supposed to be making happen in the first place.

Understand?

Good, then explain it to me! \:D

Yet as I said deep down inside I knew & I think all those years of therapy, psychiatry, running from doctor to doctor (and DOC to DOC), etc were ways of trying to sort it out & get it out. Just it was buried so deep & the clues & feelings so covered up it took awhile. A long while...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

Top
#14985 - 05/05/03 04:51 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Tone;
If you have liberty to choose and the ability to actually participate in the selection process of your counselor, consider yourself truly blessed, and simply go back to who ever you find yourself able to TRUST. Keep it simple and stop trying to analyize the situation. Don't worry about man or woman any more than you would old or young or short or tall, etc. And for God sake don't let something like a PhD or some other meaningless credential confuse your perception.
Do you choose friends based on this same process of factors outside of the individuals control? We can choose how we act and react, but we cannot choose age, sex, race, etc. Consider what is important, and go back to whoever does not try to touch you or insist on what to discuss, let alone how you are 'supposed' to feel about it. Look them in the eyes like you would a 8 year old and see if you can simply TRUST them.
I personally have been praying for a couple years now for just the opportunity I've described. I know govt run health care in Canada is much different than corporate insurance/govt run programs here in the good ole' US, but damn, I would never have thought you can actually shop for a counselor like a pair of shoes. I'd jump at the opportunity to be able to just go back to a LCSW I saw once, instead of whoever happens to be assigned by my insurance carrier for 4 visits. I would really love just one time the opportunity to talk about being felt up by a 'theraputic counselor', irregardless if it was a man or woman.
Your dollar may be devalued against mine, but if I knew I could have an opportunity like yours, I'd consider getting a snow mobile and moving north.
Tom S.

[everybody is doing quotes, so here is mine]
Quote: In this time of economic uncertainity, it's easy to see who is actually concerned about providing health care, and who is in it for the money. Tom S.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
#14986 - 05/05/03 05:24 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
One thing this topic does make clear is the difference in the way we get to see therapists.

If we go through our respective health services we seem to get a poor deal whicever side of the Atlantic we're on.
You get to battle your way through insurance companies and then seem to get given a therapist for a few sessions.
We get a few sessions with a 'general' therapist through our free health care ( it sounds good but the reality can be very different ! )

Over here, in a smaller, more densly populated country charities provide a great deal of mental health care.
Where I live in Shropshire we have a charity called Axis ( which I now volunteer for ) which provides about 5 or 6 very skilled therapists, who specialise in adult survivors, for a county that's only 1400 square miles with a population of 283,000.
Other charities obviously pick up some survivors as well through doing work with drink, drugs etc.

So I count myself very lucky, the wait to see a therapist is short - a few weeks at most - and they work evenings.
Also they just ask for donations from clients so if you're broke you get free therapy, although most people pay something; even if it's just the cost of the coffee.

The UK has many other similar organizations for survivors, and being dedicated, and run by survivors, they tend to do a good job.

The problem with the US. is the size of the place, it would be hard to set up a system like this in rural Montana !

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#14987 - 05/06/03 12:05 PM Re: male or female therapist?
Tom S. Offline
Member

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Nashville, Tn
Dave;
I don't mean to be contradictory, and perhaps I don't fully understand, but rural Montana has a far better system of dedicated health care providers, of all modalities, than does any American inner city. Any resources in urban areas are having the life blood sapped right out of them. You could wait with broken bones for days to be seen in an ER in some large cities, due to the extreme over extension of available personel and resources.
No one is willing to agree with this, and all the reasearch is kept from public view, but if the facts and figures are examined, and the rate that providers are being paid vs actual costs, you would discover that a gross majority of health care, be it in hospitals or home based, is NOT paid for in this country. That equates to charity in most instances in my area of middle Tenn. I give wherever I can, even like the time I spend here on this site.{I can't do much harm here !}
I stated this earlier and I want to be heard, that the largest hospital in the entire state of Tennessee, closed about 4 years ago, and remaining solvent hospitals were required to take over it's smaller subsidiaries in the other cities. It's GONE.
Even though I am personally blessed with the only real health care insurance left in Tennessee, the provision of 'therapist' as you call them, is horribly left with trash that can't find employment in any other area. And what remaining functional counselors left won't bill for insurance, because the rate of reimbursement does not cover the additional expense of accounting and clerical necessary for simply getting paid. And that leaves 'therapy' like other forms of health care, to only the wealthiest who can afford to self insure and pay cash at the rate of $95+ a session as they go. For everyone else, it's simply dangerous to go on blind faith and trust some person claiming to be a professional counselor even if they can produce some kind of dime store degree. Anyone in this area considering therapy needs to check every resource available including the board of liscensure and the sex offenders registry before walking in and turning over any degree of control to a counselor, be it in a clinic or mental health center, or under a shade tree.
If you could find a group, there is a degeree of safety in the numbers, providing you could find a group, let alone one with a facilitator who has any sense of focus.
No, I'm sorry fellows, but I don't think you guys know just how blessed you actually are.
Tom S.
Quote: In this time of economic uncertianity, it's easy to see who is interested in providing health care, and who is in it for the money.

_________________________
' None are so enslaved as those falsely led to believe they are actually free '

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.