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#154259 - 05/04/07 12:24 AM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: roadrunner]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Originally Posted By: roadrunner

I just shuddered. I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear forever. I had been giving bjs for years already and didn't even know the slang for it. And again, I could see that none of this was happening to other boys.

And they were saying "Ewwwww" about me.


Yep. Bastards... Not their fault, of course, but still.

Hits you like a sucker punch in the gut, doesn't it? When you're a child, it's bad enough that you're doing s-e-x stuff (which is supposed to be gross, so you already know you're "weird" because you're doing it anyway, whatever the circumstances); but then, in a couple of years, when sex mostly stops being automatically "gross", you can't breathe out and relax because it turns out that some of the things you did decidely remain in the "still gross" category, and it just catapults you into a whole new dimension of freakhood, like an anti-Nirvana of outcastedness. GREAT for the self-esteem.



Edited by melliferal (05/04/07 12:27 AM)
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#154295 - 05/04/07 06:31 AM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: melliferal]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
i had crazey ideas as a child....my lips seemed to me bigger than most peoples....i hated this...as...i thought people knew i was sucking dick....and it made my lips bigger....so i walked around with this advertizement on my face.....of what i had been doing.........big lips.................i attended a summer camp......had one of those skin tight bathing suits........well it would bunch up......between my legs.......between my little penis and my butt.....at swim class before we went the water we did ....excerises.......as i would spread my legs ....ect... i thpught people could look at me and see this bunched up materal....and see or think i had a vigina...........this bothered me greatly..........steve


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#154395 - 05/04/07 03:34 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

Originally Posted By: sabata
i attended a summer camp......had one of those skin tight bathing suits........well it would bunch up......between my legs.......between my little penis and my butt.....at swim class before we went the water we did ....excerises.......as i would spread my legs ....ect... i thpught people could look at me and see this bunched up materal....and see or think i had a vigina.


You know what? I think a boy in tight swimming trunks was just doomed. If anything showed your friends would say, Ha ha, <name> has a boner! And if nothing showed then they would say, Ha ha, he has a vagina. How did the stores sell any of those swimming trunks?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154426 - 05/04/07 05:57 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
what i cant figure out is....why my parents bought this kind of bathing attire.....i recall mom sayng once...tuck that thing between your legs...its discusting.......gee it was so small it wouldnt tuck between my legs....what am i to do?????????beter off without it.....steve


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#154454 - 05/04/07 10:15 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Steve,

I'm so sorry you got treated like that - it was just plain wrong. It's amazing to me how some adults totally forget how very sensitive and fragile they were when they themselves were young.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154468 - 05/04/07 11:04 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing....*triggers* [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
**Triggers possible**

Originally Posted By: roadrunner
You know what? I think a boy in tight swimming trunks was just doomed. If anything showed your friends would say, Ha ha, <name> has a boner! And if nothing showed then they would say, Ha ha, he has a vagina. How did the stores sell any of those swimming trunks?


Maybe the loss of my childhood wasn't as bad as I thought. LOL

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#154471 - 05/04/07 11:14 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing....*triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
***Triggers possible***

Thinking about what is bothering me about this, I realize, I guess its more of a self doubt. The real thing isn't should I have known better, its more of a did I know better, did I know what was going on. I've always "thought" that my brother taught me about masterbation but I don't have any memory to back that up. Big problem is that, just because I don't remember doesn't mean its not true.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#154513 - 05/05/07 08:09 AM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing....*triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

That's a tough situation to be in. On the one hand, you lack clear memories to tell you exactly what happened. On the other, there's the question of where boyish experimentation stops and abuse begins.

Have you discussed this with your T? There might be procedures he can use to help you regain memories, and once you have more information to work with there's the big question of how you feel about it and what you need now, as an adult.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154575 - 05/05/07 02:43 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing....*triggers* [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I've been thinking about this more, and I realized, IT DOESN'T MATTER. Why? Even if he didn't teach me to masterbate there are 2 things that make it abuse in my mind.

1. Even if I knew how to masterbate, I probably still had alot I didn't know about sex. For instance maybe friends and brothers do this, maybe this is what happens when you don't have a girlfriend (that is a possible thing I could have thought).

2. I was going into 7th grade (I was left back, thats why I was 13), he was going into his Junior year in highschool. I don't know about you but that doesn't sound write to me.

I will talk to my T about this but I don't want to do anything to recover my memories. Memory recovery is so contraversial, I would still doubt it. I always remembered the snippets of what I do remember, so I feel confident with them.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#154589 - 05/05/07 04:23 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing....*triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

I think what would make it abuse would be two considerations. First, was there a big difference in age? As you were 13 and he was what?, 17, that's a big gap in both age and maturity. He was old enough to know this was wrong and that he was taking advantage of you and using you. The possibility of innocent experimentation isn't on the table for discussion here.

Second, did you have a real option of saying "No"? That doesn't mean just the ability to utter the word. The question is one of whether you could have said no without suffering consequences that would have been unbearable to you as a boy: rejection by a cool older sibling, withdrawal of opportunities to play together or be included in activities, denial of love and affection, threat of violence, shaming or exposure, and so on.

This second area is one that a lot of survivors don't appreciate. They look back and think, "I did what he wanted", without thinking also of what would have happened if they had refused. They don't take into account how easy it is for an older boy to manipulate the younger one. They don't remember the possibility of getting beat up, how it felt to get told "Oh okay, I thought we were cool/friends/brothers", and how shattering the fear of exposure could be. In so many ways a boy doesn't have the choice of saying no, and that is what makes it abuse.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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