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#149287 - 04/06/07 05:46 PM Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex.
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I used (atleast I hope this is over) to get triggered whenever I hear about 12/13 year olds and them liking girls, etc. I used to think that those statements meant that kids that age (I was 13 and in 7th grade when I was abused) knew about girls and sex and dating. I also thought that that meant that I should have known better and known that what my older brother (who was almost 17) and I were doing wasn't normal. However I've come to realize that, that age is the age where you are just starting to learn about sex and how coming from someone you trust and look up to, infomation on sex is craved and you have no way at 13 to verify if that is true and actually coming from a big brother you probably wouldn't question.

So basically what I'm come to learn is at 13, I knew about girls, knew nothing or VERY little about sex.



_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#149290 - 04/06/07 05:59 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: onlyakid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
JTT,

OMG, let me tell you bro, there are so many cases here where, as a boy, the survivor knew NOTHING about sex. I was first abused at age 10 and that continued about weekly for the next 5 years, but it wasn't until the age of 12 that I figured out that this had something to do with sex.

Naive, right? Yes. But that was my right! I was a kid. It wasn't my responsibility to know about such things, not in any way, and not EVER.

And even if you knew about sex, that does not put you, at the age of 13, in a position to resist an abuser who was someone you thought you could trust. None of it was your fault. You weren't just abused; your trust was betrayed. No kid can ever be held accountable for not knowing that something like that could happen.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#149292 - 04/06/07 06:12 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6607
Loc: FEMA Region 1
Me too! I knew nothing of sex. Once I did learn, I realized that what had happened to me was WRONG...and was against nature. I actually thought that I could have become pregnant (lol--kinda).

From there, I viewed ALL sex as wrong and evil.

_________________________
Hell needs firewood too ya know!

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#149293 - 04/06/07 06:33 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: Still]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
JTT,

***TRIGGERS***

Larry is very correct above when he says that it was not our responsibility to know about sex at such young ages. We were supposed to be busy just being little boys - not being abused in such terrible ways. I was 12 when my older brother started in on me, and I even had a "girlfriend", Janet. But I knew NOTHING about sex. When he had an orgasm on me, I wondered why he was urinating on me. That's how clueless I was. It's not your fault, not my fault, not any of our fault. The fault lies with the abusers.

_________________________
Eddie

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#149309 - 04/06/07 08:45 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: EGL]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Larry... I didn't know you when you were here before. BUT.. If you will just keep posting, I won't have to. AMEN to everything you said.

Eddie, you too!!

That broken trust is just soooo devastating!!!!

GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#149310 - 04/06/07 08:46 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: Still]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Robbie,

*****possible trigger*****

Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
From there, I viewed ALL sex as wrong and evil.


Another "Me too!!" My Dad gave me "the talk" when I was 12. I had heard the word "rape" and asked him what it meant, so that evening we sat down together and he explained things to me. What should have been something special left me horrified. Not only did I discover the abuser was doing sexual things to me, but my Dad also explained what rape is. "Rape is when a man has sex with a woman and she doesn't want it. It's a very bad crime." With a woman?, I thought. What about me? I already felt like I must be so bad and dirty, but now it was much worse. I have no idea how long I wailed into my pillow that night, and from then on I regarded sex as something that adults do to hurt children.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154061 - 05/02/07 11:11 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Update: I thought I had gotten over this but I haven't I still get triggered by talk about boys knowing about sex at 12-13. And its not even recent shows. I'm watching reruns of Alice on the ION television network, and this is the second episode from 1977 where Tommy (Alice's 12 year old boy) refers to sex. The first time he refers to watching Charlies Angels, "the last thing I was thinking about was church" when he forgot about the church bake sale for Sunday School, and now walks in on the adults who just found $40,000 and when he asks them why they are acting weird,

Adults: "We were having a discussion"
Tommy (12): "what about?"
Adults: "You don't want to hear it".
Tommy (12): "Talking about sex huh?"
Adults: "No we're not talking about sex"
Tommy (12): "Then your right I don't want to hear it"
(Laugh track)

I can't get thru my head, my brain just doesn't want to listen

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#154066 - 05/02/07 11:41 PM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: roadrunner]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Excuse me while I work this out in my head. For some reason its theraputic when I write it down here on the board

Originally Posted By: roadrunner
My Dad gave me "the talk" when I was 12.


I never got "The talk". I guess that would have factored in. Maybe I should actually listen to my sig "I'm not like everybody else".

My only problem is really truly believing all of this.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#154100 - 05/03/07 06:37 AM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: onlyakid]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jason,

I think the most important thing you need to bear in mind here is that boys have a RIGHT to grow up, mature and awaken sexually at their own pace and in a way that they feel comfortable with. That can be at different ages for different boys, and a boy well into puberty may still not care about sex at all.

What a boy will absolutely care about is belonging to his peer group. Remember all the bullshit that guys would say, each pretending to be knowledgable about sex or at least interested in it? That's not about sex, it's about fear of being an outsider.

Jason, a lot of boys didn't (and still don't) get "the talk". Whether you did or ddn't doesn't say or mean anything about you as a person. But I think so many here will know what you mean about feeling "I'm not like everybody else".

I think that's a big part of our emotional reaction to the abuse. At least it was for me. I thought for a long time that I was all alone in abuse - I was sure that no other kid was getting treated like this.

But it's also a part of our general insecurity as growing boys. I don't have this. I can't do that. Everybody else is better at X or Y or Z. And so on.

I hope you will talk more about this. It will help you see that your feelings about this subject are shared by so many others. You aren't alone at all, my friend.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#154107 - 05/03/07 07:23 AM Re: Knew about girls, Knew nothing about sex. [Re: roadrunner]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
I have that much in common with some others here - when "what sex is" began to dawn on me, that was the time I truly started to understand that what happened to me was wrong. Regardless of what I had been doing or what was done to me, or whether I connected the word "sex" with any of it, the fact is at the time of the abuse I really just had NO idea. It was just "that stuff".


Originally Posted By: roadrunner
What a boy will absolutely care about is belonging to his peer group. Remember all the bullshit that guys would say, each pretending to be knowledgable about sex or at least interested in it? That's not about sex, it's about fear of being an outsider.


That's it. Boys strive to be seen as "tough/cool", and I guess being tough/cool means "knowing about" sex. Hearing the pretentious little bastards never triggered me as I was growing up, though, it just pissed me off. Then I would come to my senses and realize that I was feeling...proud? And then I'd start to hate myself.



Edited by melliferal (05/03/07 07:24 AM)
_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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