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#148201 - 04/01/07 04:50 PM Message to all those cute little boys
sadsister Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/24/06
Posts: 14
Loc: London UK
I am so sorry. I am so sorry I didn't see a thing growing up. I'm sorry that our parents didn't either, that your teachers didn't, that none of us had a clue. We should have known. You were so damn cute and so damn sad. Then as a teenager you became "difficult". And none of the shrinks saw either.
It eats me up inside to think that I was allowed to grow up happy and innocent alongside you. I can't begin to imagine the hell you went through. I am sorry that I was born 6 years after you and was never old enough to be close enough to you to understand that there was something wrong. Why was I allowed to live my life and not you? Why was I given a free shot at happiness and not you? What can I possibly do now, today, to help you, to tell you that I love you and that you're going to be OK? Sometimes I wish I had been abused too so we would have each other at least, and maybe it would have been one less time for you. But you are all alone in your grief. I will never understand. Please know that I would do anything for you. But you have to find the strength within, to come out of the cave. I will stand outside and hold out my hand. Please little buddy, please just come out and I promise I will protect you. I have so much rage against the one who did this to you. Why did you never turn against him? Why did you let him die without making him pay for what he did to you? I am sorry, I know you must ask yourself those very same questions. You were just a little guy. You had no way of finding the strength to do that.
To all the beautiful angels I keep seeing posted on this site. I am so sorry. We are all so devastated by what happened to you, and we are guilty of not paying attention, of not understanding. But we promise that going forward we will be there to help and to heal you. Please don't give up because we will never give up on you.


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#148206 - 04/01/07 05:11 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: sadsister]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11027
Loc: Denver, CO
That was beautiful, SS - brought me to tears.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#148214 - 04/01/07 06:04 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: FormerTexan]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
thanks...ss.......steve


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#148218 - 04/01/07 06:34 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: sabata]
mack Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
I would like to thank you SS. If I'd had a sibling like you it might have made it easier for me to get where I am in recovery today. You are the true Angel. Caring, compassionate and patient. We should all be so lucky to have someone like you in our corner.

_________________________
mack

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#148220 - 04/01/07 06:35 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: sabata]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi SadSister,

Like FT, this had me in tears. You have no idea how much it means to a survivor to hear that kind of support. It means the world.

_________________________
Eddie

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#148221 - 04/01/07 06:38 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: EGL]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Yes, crying here too. Thank you.


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#148223 - 04/01/07 07:00 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: KeithR]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
SS,

Your thoughts made this older brother cry.

My younger sister says the same thing to me. You younger sisters are so loving and caring.

I copied your words and will keep them with all my other charished thoughts.

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#148232 - 04/01/07 08:03 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: healing_inside]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
ss its not your fault either.sometimes people just get caught in the explosion that abuse is ,collateral damage. you have shown real well that abuse dont only hurt the survivor . your helping now, dont blame yourself k? shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#148306 - 04/02/07 02:22 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: shadowkid]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Sister,

I have a sister, few years older of me. She is not at all responsible for anything that happen to me as child, or as adult. I love her more then I imagined at some time I could love someone. She is my only true 'family' now, and I am blessed to have her. Please do not feel guilt of things you are not guilty of. You are a kind and loving person. But you have not done wrong, just as mine own sister have not done wrong.

VN


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#148309 - 04/02/07 03:04 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: VN]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
sadsister,

That's a beautiful message and it means so much to me. Thanks so much for caring like this. But as others have said, it wasn't your fault, just as it wasn't ours. There were so many who didn't see - adults who could have and should have detected that something was terribly wrong. You were six years younger than your abused brother; there was never any chance that you could have seen what adults could not see.

But let me tell you something. Having you in his corner will mean the world to him now. My sister Cathie, who is 20 months younger than me, was the first person I told. We were chatting on MSN and I sent her this: "Cath, I was molested when I was a kid." She was there for me from the first second, and I know that without her I could never have come so far as I have. I bet you will be as important to your brother's recovery as she is to mine.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#148323 - 04/02/07 07:20 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: roadrunner]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
SS,

Can I adopt you?

I only had a perp brother. I wish I had a sister like you.

Thankyou so much for that. Here’s another guy reaching for a Kleenex.

You actually “triggered” some other thoughts too (but in a sad/good way).

Thankyou.


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#148414 - 04/02/07 05:54 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: roadrunner]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Sis,

You got me crying again for the first time in a week i think.

I've never read anything like that...coming from a sister!!! My God!!! I feel so embraced by you and I'm not even your brother!!! God Bless You!!!

I disclosed to my sister (8 years older than me) a few weeks ago. It went as well as it could...she had no idea about it all either. She felt guilty that she did not know.

As I explained to her: As kids growing up in our neighborhood in the 60s and 70s, we had free-rein to wander as we pleased. Except for school days, I typically left the house at 6:30AM, returned for lunch (sometimes) and came home for dinner. Well, a lot can happen in that much time...including a one-hour session with 4 monsters. I certainly had no problem hiding "it" as I lived on the upper floor of the house where my mother (in a wheelchair) could not go.

I was truly a "perfect target" in SO many ways. I was small, weak and very trusting. Thus, I was easy to control and properly devastate into silence.

So sisters...please don't fret...we know you are devastated with us. Just hold us. Be there to listen and cry with us.

Robbie

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#148429 - 04/02/07 07:57 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: Still]
skingraph Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 39
That was really nice!



But you know when they tell you some of the warning signs of kids that been sexaully abused,withdraw, blah, blah.





But sometimes the symptoms can be exact opisite like for instance.They said i had a learning disabillity(reading etc) when i was in elementary school and middle school,but in a years time ,they elevated me again and found that i could read good as a 12th grader and above(i wasn't in the 12grade when abuse occured,just stating on how well i progressed,when i was 13),they asked me how,unfortunely i could never tell them the truth, was too hard.Didn't want to tell them my mind had to go to other places to survive ,and part of that was reading books.


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#148472 - 04/02/07 10:57 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: skingraph]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
SS,

Like the other guys, you've got me in tears. I can hardly see the screen for the fog in my eyes. THANK-YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT!

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#153128 - 04/27/07 09:53 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: WalkingSouth]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I just got here a little while ago and someone mentioned the cute little boys post so I thought I'd come and take a look. I am so glad I did, add another to the tears are flowing list. I thought I'd reply as I don't see any reason why this post shouldn't be back up to the top of the list.

Thank You SS, it means so much.

Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#153144 - 04/27/07 11:46 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: mogigo]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
God Mog..you had to surface this one..OK...let's cry again!

Thanks..i needed to see this...really

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#153712 - 05/01/07 01:06 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: Still]
pain4ever Offline


Registered: 04/05/01
Posts: 1032
SS...

Crying at work. I had a sister that was 6 years older than me. That I protected and took abuse for. I wish those words came from her. I doubt she even knows how bad it was.

Amazing...beautiful

Thank you

_________________________
Peace and Tranquility all depends on your frame of reference.

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#153860 - 05/02/07 12:24 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: pain4ever]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Sister,

I am crying now and will go to bed crying. I appreciate your kindness, your love, and your desire to protect. Why couldn't I have had you for my sister instead of the abusive, perp sister I had? My abuse was at my sister's hand. Could you have protected me from her? I wish you'd been there to prevent it. I wish someone had been there to prevent it. My sister was my surrogate mother, my best friend, and my protector. When she sexually abused me, she betrayed me, and I was left alone. Carrying her secret has been more than I could handle for all these years. Now that it's out, I wonder if I can ever forgive her and love her again. I pray that I can. Will you pray for that, too?

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#153885 - 05/02/07 03:52 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: pain4ever]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: pain4ever
I had a sister that was 6 years older than me. That I protected and took abuse for. I wish those words came from her. I doubt she even knows how bad it was.


Pain, WOW. Let me tell you...God knows! Your sister is one fortunate girl!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#154080 - 05/03/07 02:53 AM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: Still]
sadsister Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/24/06
Posts: 14
Loc: London UK
Hi everyone. Thank you for all your posts and I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to respond. You have given me faith that I CAN still help, that I can still make a difference, even 30 years later, so thank you for reaching out. It takes so much courage to be here and to openly talk about what happened to you, and I am humbled by all of you.

I am more than happy to adopt any of you as my brothers!!!


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#155638 - 05/11/07 01:17 PM Re: Message to all those cute little boys [Re: roadrunner]
hereforus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 82
Loc: usa
im still crying. wow that was beautiful SS.

_________________________
"I will never forget, nor shall I choose too remember."

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