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#146240 - 03/20/07 02:03 PM is my sexual quest normal? (possible triggers)
istrong Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/20/07
Posts: 79
Loc: CT
This is my first post, so bear with me.
I was raped when I was 14, by my friends step-sister. It was unfortunetly my most pleasurable (physically of course) sexual experience. Im 19 now, and have been obbsessed with finding a partner who was better than her. I feel this 'quest' is consuming my life, and i would like some input for you guys. Is it normal?

_________________________
"Go then, there are other worlds than these"
-John 'Jake' Chambers

I'd rather be above the grass than below it.

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#146268 - 03/20/07 04:09 PM Re: is my sexual quest normal? (possible triggers) [Re: istrong]
philobat Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/31/07
Posts: 293
Loc: California
istrong-

Welcome to your first post. You are very brave and it takes much courage to jump in.

Some people need to be raped, some people need to be tied up, humiliated, dominated, bloody, poopy all kinds of stuff in order to get off. It is often related to re-living the experience and re-victimizing ourselves. Because of the physical pleasure, we can get stuck into believing we cannot achieve pleasure any other way.

A good survivor therapist can help you walk through it and understand it.

An answer to your question is "normal" is a setting on a dryer!

Your reaction is completely common for a victim of sex abuse. You are definitely one us!

So again, welcome to the fold my brother!

I wish I was 19 when I came here. It didn't exist! Hang out and ask all the questions you want. You will meet some of the best people in the world on here!

-Philobat


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#146340 - 03/21/07 02:07 AM Re: is my sexual quest normal? (possible triggers) [Re: istrong]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home

One of the reasons to explain your obsession with your sexual quest would be that it is actually an 'acting out' experience, as it happens with all survivors or most. We want to re-experience our abuse not only because it was the most pleasurable we ever had but also to find answers for our internal turmoil, confusion and of course pain. We relive it, or try to till we have found all the answers within.

Since your abuser was a female, so you are looking for 'replicas' of her.

And the sole reason your first sexual experience, your abuse was the most pleasurable one was because you were innocent then, and playful and joyful, and indeed open about sex, as after abuse sex never remains the same, it gets shrouded under layers of fear, and remains so until those fears are eradicated through concerted efforts in healing the pain and fear of the first sexual experience. That is when a victim becomes a survivor.

Welcome aboard, we are all on the same journey, into the light.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#148053 - 03/31/07 07:12 PM Re: is my sexual quest normal? (possible triggers) [Re: Morning Star]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
istrong,

That first experience was probably so powerful for you because of the excitement you felt at being wanted and desired by a girl at such a young age. It was probably something that took you by surprise as well. And as Morning Star points out, you were innocent then and eager to explore and experiment - raging hormones and all that.

The problem is that abuse, especially once the boy recognizes it as abuse, has a huge effect on him emotionally. It can make him feel shameful and worthless, and it can have a huge impact on what he thinks about sex itself. That is, your experiences with other partners really aren't likely to match that first experience until you make progress on your abuse issues.

But I wonder if there isn't something even more basic going on here. If I were in your position, every time I was with a partner sexually I would desperately be wishing that the abuse hadn't happened, that I were that excited 14-year-old boy again, unaware that what was about to happen to me was really an act of exploitation and betrayal.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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