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#147941 - 03/31/07 08:39 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: tartugas]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
One more thing, I really don't think that you have done anything or said anything to hurt anyone. There is NO SIN except for the abuse that was done unto you.

-lost

_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

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#147942 - 03/31/07 08:44 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: lostandfound]
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
Tartugas

I would love to respond to this post a 100 times, but that would be defeating the object. A while ago i was in a really bad state and i posted the following poem:

"Would you walk beside me and hold my hand?
Be a pillar when alone I cant stand.
Carry me to see the light again.
Share with me the joy and pain.
Would you do that for me
and share in the release when I am free.
Tell me now as i need to be sure.
will you assist me to endure?"

Well needelss to say i had a grand total of 4 responses. I express myself best in poetry so to me its similar to this board. So from my request to stand by me i got that response.

I dont want you to leave. Stay here even only for me because i need you, there is so many things you are able to put into words that i am not, even though i feel exactly the same.

I am with you in this!

_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

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#147944 - 03/31/07 08:49 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: lostandfound]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
Sorry, i can't get you out of my head right now.

Tuesday, my wife came to therapy with me. My therapist said that I had a lot to be pissed about. My wife, who is my shoulder to lean on, kept getting angry at me because, of well just a lot of shit that I am doing. Anyway, it really helped her to hear me explain what I feel and to hear the therapist further explain and counsel me.

My wife will never fully understand, but she is trying. Everyone needs support at different times and in different ways. We are learning to recover and we are all learning New ways to survive.

I asked in my plea for help that if you fall 1000 times is it possible to stand up that 1001 time. RR responded yes. that's what I needed to hear. Did he know that is what I needed to hear? Probably not. He responded and he heard me. Well, I'm rambling now. Sorry about that.

I hope today is better. I'm going to mow my lawn and listen to MP3's now.

-lost

_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

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#147945 - 03/31/07 08:50 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: pietie]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
Well put Pietie, I need you and tartugas too.

-lost

_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

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#147949 - 03/31/07 09:43 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: lostandfound]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11183
Loc: Denver, CO
Chris,

"What have I done but beg for recognition. Where is the sin in that?"

None whatsoever. I'd say most if not all of us grew up with chasms of emotional deprivation that can't be filled overnight. I think I was frustrated with what you said because I grew up with an "I'll take what I can get" approach to anything good, even a few crumbs. Granted, crumbs do not a chasm fill. However, when one is dying of hunger (emotionally-speaking) even crumbs are appealing. That could translate into many things, like even being considered second-best as long as I'm even considered.

You are definitely considered, and more so. You are valueable and loveable, as is everyone else here.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#147959 - 03/31/07 10:27 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: lostandfound]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Originally Posted By: lostandfound
I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I reached out to my brothers here earlier in the week and you didn't respond to me. Am I to believe that you don't care? No i don't believe that. You are going through your own pit of despair and I think nothing of that fact you didn't respond to me. We all do what we can and are able to do. If only .2% of the community respond to you that's .4% of the communities shoulders to lean on. You are very well thought of here. Please go easy on yourself. Let me know if I can do anything.


Lost,

Thank you for telling me this. I apologise for not reching out and offering you my shoulder. I know that it is hypocritical of my to stand up on my soapbox as I have, while not being able to respond to each and everyone here myself.

You are a true friend and a sensetive and strong man, as are so many others here. Your post moved me deeply this morning. I am humbled and grateful to you for your hionesty and openness. Your humble candor offers me much to learn. Please do not for another second worry that you in any way hurt me by anything you said. You have chastened me with your tolerant kindness, and enlightened me with your wisdom.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#147960 - 03/31/07 10:35 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: tartugas]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
Tartugas,

I am so glad to hear from you. So, so glad to hear from you. You are my friend and I care about you. Thank you too for caring about me. At the risk of sounding cheesy if you were here I'd hug you. You are such a great person and I am fortunate to have met even though it is not in person. Hang tough buddy. I have a 3 year old that freaking out about going to the playground. I'll check back with you later.

Take care, friend.

-lost

by-the-way, my name is Brent. For some reason I was really afraid for people to know my real name.

_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

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#147962 - 03/31/07 10:37 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: tartugas]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
pietie,

Thank you for shaing that beautiful poem. I admit that I do not often look in the poetry section. One of the things I learned in Napa was that we as a community are one heck of a talented lot. Maybe it comes from years of being turned inward. A great part of our healing process is learning how to speak up with pride and share our stories and songs with the world around us.

Don't stop, ever.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#147963 - 03/31/07 10:38 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: tartugas]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Extx,

Thank you. I am uplifted by your words. Some days this chasm does feel overwhelmingly deep and unfillable. But I know that I can continue forward with my healing.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#147964 - 03/31/07 10:40 AM Re: status report from the roller coaster [Re: lostandfound]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hi Brent,

Originally Posted By: lostandfound
By-the-way, my name is Brent. For some reason I was really afraid for people to know my real name.


So this is a big step for you. I think it goes to show how much caring and healing there is in a good honest exchange of feelings, as this thread has clearly been.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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