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#149591 - 04/08/07 12:46 PM Re: Many paths [Re: WalkingSouth]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
I guess I'll present a flip side to the forced attendance scenario. We went to church up until I was about 5 or 6, then we just stopped going. So basically, I grew up without any spiritual guidance whatsoever. We never, ever discussed anything spiritual in our house, nothing about God, nothing about religion, period. Looking back now, it was where a lot of the emotional vacuum came from.

Out of all the things I have a gripe about with my parents, the emotional abuse, the physical abuse and neglect, all of that - the thing that I think bothers me a lot is the fact that they didn't see fit to impart to me any sense of self and spirituality. It's like they thought that I either didn't deserve it, didn't need it, or just wasn't worth it. I don't know. But I see that as a real failure on their part.

I think it is a beautiful thing when a parent shares their spirituality with their child in a loving way that shows a part of their heritage. I missed that in my childhood and it really pains me that I didn't have it. I've been avoiding this thread because of that, but finally decided to chime in. So I don't know which is worse, to have it rammed down your throat or to have it so totally absent. I guess both really suck.

_________________________
Eddie

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#149651 - 04/08/07 05:24 PM Re: Many paths [Re: WalkingSouth]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
John,

Originally Posted By: walkingsouth
When I reached the teen years when church traditionally becomes a terrible bore, our congregation hired a youth pastor who was much more "hip", and we'd often times have our own services. Made it much more palatable to this bad boy, cuz (cos, 'cuz, wink wink) I surely would have been out doing something else even if it was just sitting in the car staring at the dashboard. Perhaps that's the reason I'm still a church goer today.


That's so cool you had that. We had a youth pastor for awhile, or rather an assistant minister who was more in tune with what kids wanted and what would hold their attention. We sat around and talked about issues like sex, racism, capital punishment, Vietnam, and so on. It was really good.

Then a new "youth leader" took over and wanted to browbeat us about the danger of going to hell if we even glanced in the direction of any religious beliefs apart from those of mainstream American Protestantism. The Catholics, Mormons, Jews - all were doomed because they were members of "cults".

So back to the State Restaurant! Yay!!!!! A group of us took along our copies of the book we were supposed to be reading and gagged on our fries as we read out the most hilarious examples of the insanity that filled the book.

Sigh. I have forgotten the title unfortunately. I'll have to check with Cathie and see if she remembers.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#149652 - 04/08/07 05:26 PM Re: Many paths [Re: EGL]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Quote:
So I don't know which is worse, to have it rammed down your throat or to have it so totally absent. I guess both really suck.

Eddie,

I actually think you've hit it spot on with that comment. Thanks.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#149653 - 04/08/07 05:34 PM Re: Many paths [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eddie,

Originally Posted By: EGL
I think it is a beautiful thing when a parent shares their spirituality with their child in a loving way that shows a part of their heritage. I missed that in my childhood and it really pains me that I didn't have it. I've been avoiding this thread because of that, but finally decided to chime in. So I don't know which is worse, to have it rammed down your throat or to have it so totally absent. I guess both really suck.


I wonder if there's no conflict at all between what you are saying and what others are writing about. My parents imparted to my sisters and me a real sense of spirituality and I appreciated and respected that. What we resisted - fiercely - was dogmatism and intolerance, which we detected in ample measure in the church. Is that "spirituality"? I don't think so.

I should say that things improved a lot in our church in the 70s, largely due to the influence of the younger adults (like my parents) who got older, started taking on more responsibility in the church, and demanded that things change.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#149667 - 04/08/07 06:43 PM Re: Many paths [Re: EGL]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Eddie,

Thanks for writing what you did. It makes me think. I suppose the ideal situation probably lies somewhere between how we were both raised. I just don't know where. I like what someone else wrote. He shares his beliefs with his children but "as his beliefs" and I tend to think parents should support thier children when they want to explore different spiritual paths. But that's me coming from the place that my upbringing created for me .

Dale


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#149766 - 04/09/07 12:49 AM Re: Many paths [Re: EGL]
jwb1410 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/05/07
Posts: 2
Loc: IL
Eddie,

Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you decided to "chime in." No matter what your parents thought, you did deserve to have your childhood personal and spiritual needs met, and you were worth it (and you still are). It was their failure.

You are right; both abusive and neglectful treatment really suck!

I have a lot of thoughts about the middle road. The gist of them is that children need to be seen and heard and nurtured and accepted and praised and guided and protected and validated. That is what I believe it means to love. When parents fail to consistently do so, children suffer and their sense of self is warped. The road of recovery from such wounds is truly a "Heroes Journey" and a spiritual path.


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#149939 - 04/09/07 09:43 PM Re: Many paths [Re: jwb1410]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Quote:
children need to be seen and heard and nurtured and accepted and praised and guided and protected and validated. That is what I believe it means to love. When parents fail to consistently do so, children suffer and their sense of self is warped. The road of recovery from such wounds is truly a "Heroes Journey" and a spiritual path.

Exceptionally well put, jwb. I wonder what's so difficult about that concept...

Thanks,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#149941 - 04/09/07 09:50 PM Re: Many paths [Re: WalkingSouth]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thank you, JWB. That was so very well said.

P.S. Welcome to MS. Glad you're here and hope you find healing here as well.

_________________________
Eddie

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#150837 - 04/14/07 08:19 PM Re: Many paths [Re: EGL]
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
It's not always a good idea to know what happens in God's Kitchen. It's better to stay in the dining room, near the door, in case of a grease fire.

froggy

_________________________
??

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#150839 - 04/14/07 08:40 PM Re: Many paths [Re: froggy12]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
my family neve took us to church but they did talk about god ,yeah god knows if your bad ,god sees everything you do ,god will punisih you if your bad ,all i felt about god was fear ,then when all the bad stuff happened i totaly expected god to stop it and punish my perp ,after all he saw everything right? i think never mentioning god to a kid is better than making him believe that god would save him if he was good ,all that does is make the kid think hes not good enough for god to care about.saying nothing is better than lying

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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