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#147026 - 03/25/07 10:22 PM Confrontation OVER!
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I'd like you to realize the crime first.

His rage fits were so severe; I had to sleep with my .22 rifle (loaded) under my bed...at 8-13 years old. I would be kicked so hard that I'd lose control of bodily function. I was face to face with a demonic mad-dog that would have been shot-dead by any reasonable armed adult (no hyperbole here). This went on for SO many years. It was key to the CSA continuing un-addressed for all those years.

Realize this too. He was a great provider of stuff and financial security. That's what WW2 generation valued. He sees things through that filter. This guy revolutionized areas of industry in immeasurable ways. Ways that keep millions fed in safe and efficient modes. He helped to open trade with a China, in deep food-crisis, right on the heels of President Nixon's visit to Peking. He was one of the first industrialists to engage in heavy trade with Japan. He holds more patents than I can count. By HIS standards...he is one hell of a success!!!

The Confrontation Tonight:

1) I opened with a "state of the union" address....what I've been dealing with...the doctors, the flashbacks, the medications, possible forced conditions etc...

2) Told him that some of the source of my trouble was from his incidents of rage when I was a kid.

---He claimed total ignorance of these rage-fits.

I can believe that. When the mad-dog would emerge, he was NOT my father. He was a daemon incarnate.

I discussed the nature of the events and that they were so traumatic that they are being replayed in the form of PTSD flashbacks today. That the trauma affected every aspect of my life...on and on with all the ramifications we all know here at MS.

I told him I was at a loss of what I need to do with this, given that he does not remember...but at least discussing this would tear-down the wall I had built up.

He was fully devastated. HE APPOLOGIZED! I FORGAVE HIM!

As little Robbie, I fantasized about the day I would be old enough and large enough to hold him accountable for it. I promised myself it would happen (during my "mirror conversations" with myself). Little Robbie got that tonight.

WE survived it...father and son.

I will go on with my recovery with my father in my corner (though he may never know about the CSA...it may be too much for him to ever handle). Plus...my children will have their grandfather back.

That's all I have tonight.

Thank you all for standing by me. Thank you for your concern and prayers. I'm so thankful for all of you...for MS...for God's hand in this.

Robbie

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#147027 - 03/25/07 10:37 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Robbie,

The tears in my eyes prevent me from fully seeing the screen as I type. I'm thrilled for you, Bro.
Quote:
I will go on with my recovery with my father in my corner
What an awesome thing for you to have accomplished. I cannot think of a better ending, and it all happened because you were willing to take a risk, a huge risk. You came out the winner and your life will never be the same. It will be forever changed for the better.

You have my admiration and love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#147039 - 03/25/07 11:32 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: WalkingSouth]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Very very good. You needed to do this. I suspect that nothing will really "change" even after doing this but we both know you had to do it in order to move on.

Rob? You need to tell him about the abuse SOMETIME I think. Just my thoughts. You see, once he dies, you can't change your mind and decide to tell him THEN.

It seems to me that he's had a change of heart in his golden years. I don't think that it will be too much for him to handle. I think you should tell him SOMETIME soon about your CSA and his role in it.


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#147041 - 03/25/07 11:33 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: WalkingSouth]
mack Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
I am so happy for you !! I KNEW in my heart that it would work out. Why, you might ask? Because you DESERVE it. Yes, you do.
And I believe in the power of prayer. Its obvious that you have a lot of folks here in your corner. Its a wonderful feeling, isn't it? YOU DID IT !!!

_________________________
mack

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#147045 - 03/25/07 11:58 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: mack]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
\:\)


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#147046 - 03/26/07 12:12 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
A round of applause for the little and big Robbie here. Great job, keep up with the tempo.

All the best,

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#147050 - 03/26/07 01:05 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Morning Star]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
"Jesus loves the hell out of me!" He sure does Robbie.
Jesus was with you today, standing by your side.

Prayer does make a difference.

Long day for you. Take Care.

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#147059 - 03/26/07 02:36 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: healing_inside]
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
Rob

I am so glad it went well. Your story is one of encouragement to all of us.

I am proud of you my friend!

_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

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#147061 - 03/26/07 03:14 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: pietie]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Rob,

I am proud to call you my friend. You are a hero to many for your courage and strength here. But, more importantly, as important and successful as your father may be, you showed him in one heart felt exchange this evening that you have outgrown him in wisdom, compassion, and strength.

Could any father want more from a son? Congratulations, your story will inspire many.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#147065 - 03/26/07 07:42 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Robbie, you have taken the power he had away from him, and he would not dare use it again.
The day you always dreamt of came, and you were strong enough to make him look so small.

I hope he can make something good of it,

ste


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#147074 - 03/26/07 08:52 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: reality2k4]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
rob last night you started taking your life back!good job!

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#147079 - 03/26/07 10:25 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: shadowkid]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11025
Loc: Denver, CO
Rob, I am mighty happy for you!

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#147091 - 03/26/07 12:20 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: reality2k4]
Halibut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/06
Posts: 228
Loc: Alaska
Robbie,

I am so glad for you....ditto what reality24 said. You're no longer the scared kid, but a powerful ( and compassionate and sensative) adult who won't be bullied, but stood up for himself and the way you deserve (d) to be treated as a son and human being. Congratulations!!!!

Frank


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#147098 - 03/26/07 01:30 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Halibut]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
WOW!!! That is truly awesome, I can only imagine how scared you must have been, BUT YOU DID IT!!! Keep on healing, Robbie!!!

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#147099 - 03/26/07 01:50 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: TNuss]
dean1320 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/07
Posts: 129
Loc: Atlanta, GA , US
Robbie,

Good job. I would take some time to evaluate his role as grandparent to your kids though. Although, he may or may not have changed, I feel it is in the best interest to err on the side of caution when it comes to this and any involvement with your kids. My opinion. I am proud of you. That's a big deal to do. Keep up the fight.

_________________________
NEVER QUIT .

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#147104 - 03/26/07 03:12 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: dean1320]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Robbie,

Congratulations!! This is great news! We are all so proud of you!

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#147106 - 03/26/07 04:20 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Brian]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Its funny..I have been hit with a flood of emotions today...including NO emotions...AGAIN!!! I have felt SO un-emotional for much of the day that is rather disturbing.

I know...ROB not CRYING ??!!! Hell, someone here stubs their toe and I cry over it. This reaction was fully unexpected.

Thank you all for the support on this. I felt the presence and suport of about 22 of you during the meeting...(including a little Shadow in the corner, at the-ready behind my guitar)

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#147111 - 03/26/07 04:42 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Sounds like the space shuttle coming into land.
The crew freakin out, if they are going to land
safely or just another crash.

You have just dumped out a load of garbage, no wonder
you have no emotions to tie it into.
Dont blame yourself for not telling him earlier..

Always remember, it was NOT your fault!

The future will tell if you can ever be friends as father and son, but I hope it can work out well.

I hope it does,

ste


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#147112 - 03/26/07 04:51 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Rob,

I also felt let down & disappointed (after the initial high) after my confrontation in 2001. Try not to be discouraged as it could take quite a while to really process it all. Although I'm sure things were happening on the inside, I didn't really see any changes in myself for about 18 months or so. I know it's very difficult to do, but "try" to be patient.

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#147156 - 03/26/07 10:21 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: reality2k4]
lostandconfused Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 11
Well done Robby! You have a taken a huge leap toward recovery in confronting him. Your inner strength and courage after taking that intial step will only grow from here on.


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#147177 - 03/27/07 02:11 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: lostandconfused]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
What a chapter-close!!!..and a chapter-opening??? maybe??

I've got to digest this a while. Heading back on the road tomorrow...to Minnesotta. Lots of time to reflect.

Thank you ALL!!!

I TRULY would NEVER have done that without MS on my side!!!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#147194 - 03/27/07 08:54 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Robbie,

Don't feel badly at all that it takes a while to digest everything at such a time as this meeting with your father. I and many of the other men have experienced that same thing. Somehow I had the idea that once I'd done something of significance as you've done that I'd have it all figured out and tlhen move on from there.

In my case nothing could have been further from the truth. I "digested" as you say, the event/s for days, weeks, and months afterwards and looking back I can see where those moments in time had profound impact on my recovery which I could not see immediately afterward. I used to beat myself up for that. Now I realize it's all part of the process.

The healing comes sometimes in almost inpreceptable increments and sometimes I think that is the best way as it has "staying power". One awesome thing tho is that during that slow growth we tend to have these really cool "light bulb moments" where something suddenly dawns on us and those we sure do celebrate!

Have a successful business trip, Bro.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#147198 - 03/27/07 09:10 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: WalkingSouth]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
John,

You warned me once about moving too fast. I'm sure its VERY clear to all mods that I have been too. After some devastating speed-traps caught me, I've slowed it down again. I've lowered my expectation's pace.

YES...i want to be "all better now." "That is just not possible Rob." I keep hearing that: "That is just not possible Rob."

I give!

So this week?...just slowly examining and digesting a MAJOR event that relates to probably 50% of my illness. And this "week" may turn into a year..and I think I'm ready for that John.

Funny thing is...I am STILL being hit from all angles with all sorts of other things, memories, FBs, sadness, pain, grief, temptation....heh...I could write quite a rant on temptation this week!!!! Holy GOD! Could I write a rant on TEMPTATION!

But I am slowing down...as you and ALL others so wisely suggest.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#147222 - 03/27/07 11:10 AM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Hey All,

My father invited me and my family over to his place for Easter dinner!!! We will go.

I think...and hope...we will open-up more details and ramifications if he's open to it. I know I am!!

My plan is to not push it. I'm going to let HIM initiate.
I've done enough freaking initiating!!! His turn now!!!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#147234 - 03/27/07 12:16 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Still]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Easter is a good time for rebirth. Enjoy it my friend.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#147454 - 03/28/07 02:36 PM Re: Confrontation OVER! [Re: Nobbynobs]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Robbie,

This is an incredible story and I am so happy for you. I would just stress what you have already heard about not rushing things. There is a LOT for both of you to process and accept, and the whole situation may be more fragile than you realize right at this moment.

But yes, what a positive and powerful start! Not just for you and your father, but also for the rest of the family, as you have already noted.

Being together at Easter ought to be very special indeed this year.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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