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#339735 - 09/06/10 04:26 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: westsidej]
Loran Offline


Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 7
Loc: CA. U.S.A.
Hi J,

While reading your post I felt I was writing my own story. We are very much alike and I agree with you totally. I get very aroused by women but like you get erges at times. I was molested when I was some where around the age of 10 also. I am just now seeking help. Thank you for you imput. It is a ncie feeling to know there are others like myself out there,


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#341354 - 10/03/10 07:51 AM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Aberrant30]
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
Hey Aberrant, your post really spoke to me. I'm also openly and happily gay and a survivor. Accepting my sexuality also liberated me from my abuser(s). In addition I really liked how you said "I have sex with men becaues i LOVE men, not becaues of the power, not becaues of some obessive sexual desier, no". That sentence spoke volumes to me and I thank you for sharing it with us.

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#347821 - 12/11/10 09:36 AM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: blaidd]
diamondheart Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Michigan
The problem is that the world still has an unhealthy view on being gay. There is still this stigma associated with it. So I can see why this is troublesome for many guys who have gone through CSA. Many guys question their sexuality even without the CSA...

For those questioning things, this was taken from malesurvivors myth section:

Quote:
Myth #5 - Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual.

While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bi-sexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys' or girls' premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one's sexual identity and orientation.

I think the stigma of what it means to be gay and those who are so against it, only hinder those men who have been abused by other men... I pesonally didn't tell my family until I was 19, because my abuser was a guy and my cousin... Maybe I was afraid if I told, everyone would know I was gay? and I knew my families beliefs on gays early on...

The same can go for guys who are straight. I am sure many don't tell too afraid that others will think they are gay.

Personally I have never questioned being gay because of the abuse... In my late teens, certainly I questioned whether to be gay or nothing at all due to my religious upbringing.

I have always known I was gay. The thing it did mess up was my idea of what love was. Plus I got attached to my abuser and it wasn't until a few years ago that my first rejection from a male was from my abuser...

He took what he wanted from me, got me hooked on it and then left me when he was done...

I really honor everyones experience and where they are at today. I may not understand what it is like to question my sexuality but I can understand what it is like to question everything in your life. It is tough. I hope everyone finds the peace we so deserve.

_________________________
I am a gay guy just trying to find my way...

http://itismytimetoshine.wordpress.com

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#348699 - 12/21/10 05:56 AM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Russ2]
Gamgee Offline


Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 25
Loc: Canada
A few years ago a doctor in France came up with the idea of using the terms straight or gay and homosexual or heterosexual to define our inherent genetically determined attraction (straight or gay) as distinct from our sexual practices and lifestyle (heterosexual or homosexual) which can be determined by personal and cultural influences and experiences. Personally, when it comes to the result, I think it's pretty complicated figuring out which is which and is probably a pretty flexible trait. I also think we all exist on a continuum between exclusively one or the other. As our society becomes more open and accepting of people as individuals, I suspect people will be more open to experimenting in this area.


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#348723 - 12/21/10 10:44 AM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Gamgee]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
diamondheart raises a great point that Straight Male survivors grappling with SSA are deeply injured by the homophobia in our society as well.

Maybe straight males struggling with SSA have the best sense of the grappling gay men do when discerning and coming to terms with our sexuality. An interesting thought.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#348783 - 12/21/10 09:35 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Happy Birthday Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Ever-fixed Mark
Maybe straight males struggling with SSA have the best sense of the grappling gay men do when discerning and coming to terms with our sexuality.


I do as a survivor. I am NOT sure the straight NON survivor understands the grappling gay men do but then again they would NOT be a straight man who is "struggling" with ssa.

Will this "issue" ever be clear so there is no struggling?

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#348788 - 12/21/10 09:57 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Avery46]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Avery46
....Will this "issue" ever be clear so there is no struggling?


i believe it will only ever become a non-issue when men are allowed to be men.

think of the massive cultural shift that took place with women's lib. i think men need that too; but unlike the liberated females before us, i think both men and women today fear such an enlightened and happy male population.

_________________________
Jeff

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#348994 - 12/24/10 01:17 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: westchesterguy]
many_mees Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/09
Posts: 286
Until I understood that my being Bi was "just the way i am" and accepted it (thanks in large part to this site and great guys here who have helped me in this), I was always having issues with coming out and telling others about my sexuality.

Now I enjoy life knowing it isnt a burden anymore because of acceptance.

This has taught me that acceptance of myself first allows me to be free enough to work on my issues and it has haelp immensely.

I think there will always be those who will not accept a person for who they are. That problem isn't with you (me) it is theirs and is bond up in their own lack of acceptance.

Sam


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#349090 - 12/26/10 03:34 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: many_mees]
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
Sam, what you said about enjoying life because of acceptance is just lovely. I'm so thrilled that you were able to reach that point, in which it isn't a burden for you. smile

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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