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#331843 - 05/23/10 08:06 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: kidneythis]
arozork Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/23/07
Posts: 16
Loc: Massachusetts, US
Hello Jamie,

For me, I think that my abuse made me bisexual. I always think that if the abuse didnt happen..would my life be different? I think it would have been. The abuse does mess up your head. I do find girls and guys attractive, but for me is more emotional. Because I have been through so much emotional pain by myself..when I'm in a relationship I look for emotional support. Someone that cares about me the same way I care for the person..whoever it is..a dude or a girl.

Have a good one...

Aro


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#335033 - 07/01/10 12:17 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: arozork]
Zan72 Offline


Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 24
I think my abuse has made me bi-sexual as well. I want to get married and have kids, but find men attractive for some reason. Don't know if i would ever be in a relationship with a guy. I've built these walls all around my heart that are unbreakable. No one has come close and I won't let them. frown

_________________________
*The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

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#335039 - 07/01/10 02:21 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Zan72]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 191
Loc: USA
Trauma is scientifically been proven to re-wire the brain of the trauma victim, especially if the abuse is prolonged/ extended in the young life of the victim.

Indeed it changes the way a person thinks, copes, reactes, and preceives his or her environment, relationships and friendships with other people.

Is it hardly unexpected that a trauma survivor of CSA would not think of themselves as "damaged" or "unusual" or "different" from the remainder of society who has not been sexual assualted, abused or tortured?

Being "homosexual" might or may have some relevance to being an abuse victim/ survivor. But think of it this way....if no one was sexually abused as children, would there still be homosexual or "gay" people in this world?

Of course there would be.

So the conclusion has to be that sexual abuse may only play a small, maybe perhaps could play a significant role in some people's lives as to whether or not they are not strictly "heterosexually" oriented.

Thats my take on the homosexuality and sexual abuse. The latter does not create the former. Nor does homosexuality necessarily create sexual offenders either. Even if the Roman Catholic's want to believe that.


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#335050 - 07/01/10 06:26 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: GeorgeMartin]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I agree with everything you said George

I wish I was not abused, and I am ok with who I am.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#335341 - 07/05/10 01:32 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: cbfull]
Aberrant30 Offline


Registered: 01/29/10
Posts: 139
Loc: I live on the Emerald Coast, F...
I haven't posted here in a long time, so hi, my names Tom, and I wanted to thank you for posting this. I am an openly gay survior of childhood sexual assualt, and I wanted to let you know, from my perspective, acceptaing my sexuality liberated me from my abuser. My abuser probaly Knew that I was gay, even befor i did. It was when i accepted that i was a homosexual that I realized, his power over me was power i gave him. I have sex with me becaues i LOVE men, not becaues of the power, not becaues of some obessive sexual desier, no. In general a ROMANTIC relationship, respect, and love for your fellow man, is the correct term for homosexuality. So for thoes dealing with S.S.A., you need to know this, it may help, I hope that is in fact what helps you in figuering out your sexuality.

_________________________
"The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place."
Hint: It's in front of you right now.
(Formerly known as Aberrant30

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#338190 - 08/12/10 05:25 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: Aberrant30]
eddy37 Offline


Registered: 08/12/10
Posts: 5
Loc: europe
Hi there,
Eddy from a country in Europe. There ar not much site's like these here so i came to you. After all the problems will be the same wherever you are on the world. (Hope you understand my English/grammatic)

I was a openly gay the past 20 years. Only after a "kind off relation" with a guy the last 3 years i came to the conclusion that he only wanted me for something. I figured out that we hooked up on similar problems.
Before i met him i thought that i learned a lot and this was different.

The past months i began to be confused. The 3 relations i had the last 18 years seems to be the circle of the abuse. I'm beginning to see the patterns now and i'm growing and at the other side i have a lot of bad feelings to deal with.

This naturally means i'm beginning to think "who am i?" I never had the change to find myself during puberty and sometimes i start to think that maybe i would have made other choises if i had figure it all out myself the natural way. Sometimes i have the feeling im made that way. I did this so i must be gay. This last guy i met was bisexual en only lived in the "straight world". So for me this was the first time to be around al lot of straight people in various settings. I was fascinated by this type of behavior (different interactions than in the gay scene i was used to) All that straight stuff gave me some strange kind of "this is also good feeling". Because all of this interesting and sometimes bad things with this "relation" i'm confused now. Maybe i was too obsessive all the time to find back what i "lost" as a little boy and so i forgot to look other ways. At this moment i can not identify myself as a homosexual anymore so i "choose" bisexual for now. Maybe it will change again if i learn more about myself.





Edited by eddy37 (08/13/10 05:15 AM)

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#338321 - 08/14/10 07:10 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: jamie']
TW16 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 06/11/09
Posts: 159
Loc: Utah
I believe that CSA has something to do with homosexuality. I was abused by several boys, and as a result, I began wondering if I were gay--and sometimes I still wonder. a lot of people who are aware of my situation also agree that me being abused had a lot to do with my sexual orientation.

TW


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#338327 - 08/14/10 10:31 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: TW16]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 191
Loc: USA
If you believe that CSA has something to do with homosexuality, then how come there are lots of homosexuals who have never been sexually abused, and are still homosexual or that there are sexually abused people who are "straight"? The people that agree that you being abused had a lot to do with your sexual orientation simply are "minimizing". Thats what I think, not what I believe. Respectfully and kindly said.

There are some people who think that homosexuality equals pedophilia. Some people believe that sexual offenders are pedophiles. Some people believe that homosexuals are sexual offdenders.

A lot of things people believe. Don't mean they are being honest with you. Or that what they believe is correct either.


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#339001 - 08/25/10 07:32 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: GeorgeMartin]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Hi brothers! I have posted on other threads before but after being impressed and inspired by MichaelJoseph, Arozork, Zan72, eddy37 & others, I felt obliged to mention my experience with homosexuality related to my CSA.

If you read my story, you will see that I was molested hundred of times by men and also several times by women as well. I was molested staring around age 10/11 and then frequently until I turned 18 and joined the military, which helped me escape from the situation.

Now, onto homosexuality and my csa. I enjoyed looking at playboy, hustler and other porn me and my friends came across and even while being molested by men. I was always aroused by nude women and this remains the case to this day.

Since I was molested before, during and after puberty, I became attracted to and like sex with men but would never want a relationship with them. I only wanted to date women and then occasionally want to have sex w/ a guy but never an ltr.

For decades, I hated the fact that thinking about a penis or sex with a man arouses me just as sex with a woman does but since my therapist told me this is a natural reaction to the csa, it's allowed me to let go of so much guilt (we have a little of that, no?) about homosexual urges during and since my abuse ended.

Now, I have finally accepted that I have homosexual urges due to my abuse but since I am married, they will have to remain just that. I've told others here that if my wife was okay with it, I would love to have a MFM w/ another bimale joining us.

Honestly, it's liberating to know that I can think of oral sex with a man and not feel guilty or ashamed about it, as I had for years until finally getting help for my CSA.

So, that's how my CSA affected me. Maybe some of us were already heading towards homosexuality or bisexuality before the csa but since at least 9 in 10 men are hetero, the odds are highly against that. It makes sense that some of us were gay by DNA and that CSA made some of us gay/bi by confusing our sexuality since we were aroused by and found homosexual contact pleasurable.

I am not going to judge others here or tell them that they are wrong about how csa did or didn't affect them and hope to receive the same courtesy.

Take care my brothers and have a great summer.

J




Edited by westsidej (08/25/10 07:32 PM)
_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#339007 - 08/25/10 08:59 PM Re: Homosexuality related to CSA [Re: westsidej]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Having bisexual feelings is a tough one for me to reconcile since my mom is lesbian and while I accept her wholeheartedly (as I do others who identify as gay or lesbian) personally its difficult to live with my own same sex attraction since I can't completely untangle it from the abuse I experienced. Even while it was going on when I was young I couldn't detach from this thinking since it felt like condemning my abuser for what he was doing to me was also condemning my mother for her sexuality. As an adult I know better today (in theory) but sometimes it still feels like I'm forced to look upon what happened to me as okay, out of fear that condemning the abuse I suffered by someone of the same sex is a tacit denunciation of gays and lesbians in general. However, intellectually I am trying to turn this thinking around by asking myself what if the roles were different, as in what if my abuser were female, or what if I were female and was abused by a male? I realize this is a highly theoretical exercise yet it helps me get to the point of the matter, namely that an adult initiating sex with a child isn’t OK under any circumstances, regardless of one’s gender or sexual orientation. That said I wish I was more secure in my own sexuality, as in knowing whether my bisexual tendencies come naturally or if they are a twisted result of my csa. I suppose I have some work in store to do with this. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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