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#146854 - 03/24/07 04:18 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: FormerTexan]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
When you can laugh and laugh, and then stop, and wonder why you were laughing, and then start laughing again just because.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#146855 - 03/24/07 04:19 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: shadowkid]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Adam, the best way to look at it, is look how the older guys got through.
It was sure tough with nobody to talk to, not a soul could be trusted with the biggest secret a boy has to hide.

Forgiveness starts with forgiving the little kid, and looking after him, because he is the one who took it all.
You owe it to him to say, hey lets not let the anger destroy us.

Anger is a survival instinct were the boy or man gets his body and mind ready for flight or fight.
Constant shots of adrenaline can make you feel real bad, but that is what you do when anger strikes.

If you fall, lift yourself up, give up the coffee for decaf, because caffeine actually increases anxiety,

ste


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#146892 - 03/24/07 10:13 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: FormerTexan]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Taking it on further from you...

The final moment in the journey of a victim - his becoming a healer.

The journey ends when the pain and hurts of breaking opening our core is released, and we express our gratitude for all that we have gained from within, hence - the Light and this incredible insight into the journey of a human soul.

When a flower breaks open at its core, it hurts.

No one can avoid the pain of opening up. Yet, the flower survives as it surrenders the pain to the Universe, and celebrates its opening up to the Universe.

The morning dew that we see on its petals, is nothing but tears of joy.


_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#416534 - 11/18/12 06:21 AM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: tartugas]
WayTooConfused Offline


Registered: 10/28/12
Posts: 48
Loc: Florida
I find it so very funny, that in today's world where we do preach healing and dealing with events from our lives, and trying to move forward in a positive manner, that it doesn't mean very much to us the vicitim of such horrific abuse, that if no one believes you or takes no interest in what you are trying to accomplish while you are recovering: That "DEALING" with it doesn't seem to mean very much, especially when your seeking support from the ones you love so dearly.

Read my link/post below, and you may understand what I'm saying. Especially since I have no responses. It makes me wander if forgiving my attackers was worth the effort.
Sorry Bastards...You can kiss my ass!!!!
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showthreaded&Number=416118#Post416118
_________________________
Sick and tired of being Sick and tired.

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#416577 - 11/18/12 07:27 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: tartugas]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
WTC,

Welcome to MS. I read your post about your experience, and I feel so deeply for you. I was also assaulted around 6, and the idea that someone would use that information against me to gang rape me is horrifying.

You are my brother, and I'm here to support you as you find the strength to prosecute the bastards, if that's what you decide to do.

Your account does not allow private messages, but if you unlock that feature we can talk more privately if you would like.

(((((WayToo))))))

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#416714 - 11/20/12 02:05 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: tartugas]
seikei Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/12
Posts: 94
I agree wholeheartdley. I'm only 19 but even at my young age I've learned that resentment and efforts for vengence always leaving people bitter and empty. Holding on to resentment truly does poison us inside so I think forgiveness is a key aspect of healing. Forgiveness does not absolve the guilt of offenders, however. I think if there was some way we could seperate the logical need to see offenders punished to the emotional need for vengence, our society would be much better off.

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#416812 - 11/21/12 10:40 AM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: tartugas]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6424
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Its tough for me to see some of the old MS players on the early pages.

As I said on my 700 Club Segment: "I Jesus will forgive them (my four abusers), who am I to not forgive?"

Its just about the only step toward healing that I can say is as solid as a rock and I've never questioned it. Do I still have anger at them? Yes. Do I still grieve from what they did? YES. Do I wish they never had ______ ? YES!

I'm taking the energy of hate and turning it toward the entire society that enables CSA, covers-up CSA, ignores CSA, etc. I rage. Oh boy do I rage!!! But I rage against the social elements that made it possible for me to be devoured and millions of others.

I will always agree however, forgiveness is fully in our hands an no one else's...that we are under NO obligation to forgive. No one ever ought to tell a survivor "you need to forgive them."
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#445176 - 08/22/13 10:05 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: tartugas]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3342
Loc: O Kanada
i believe you are 100% correct in your thinking.
your explanation is clear and makes perfect sense.
it is worth revisiting.

as a survivor,
forgiveness was a major hurdle in my recovery,
but i finally overcame that obstacle.

wish i had done it decades sooner,
but i was unable and unwilling.

i cherished my desire for revenge.
i harboured my hatred because i felt like i had a right to be angry.
after i discovered that my anger was part of my self-abuse.
it had to go.

glad i got rid of it.
but, the change had to come from within.
nobody could convince me to forgive.

pure genius. tartugas
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#453780 - 11/15/13 12:47 PM Re: forgiveness vs. accountability [Re: tartugas]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 284
.
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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