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#145844 - 03/17/07 06:29 PM moving around
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
yeah.. so how to start... I'm not sure what I want to say here.
Maybe I shouldn't.
I'm not gonna be able to change it anyway so why bother whining over it.. but ok I guess I needed to write it down or something.

So this is the thing.
I'm in fostercare as of since a few weeks. I'm 17 so its really only until I'm 18 in october.. So that's good.
Downside though is that this also means I'll be moving around all the time.. I'm to old for a permanent place.. I'm gonna have to move families every 6-8 weeks or so..
This is only the first family I'm whit, I'm gonna move to the next one in a few days though.

I'm not sure how to think about that... It will probably be so stressfull to have to move every so many weeks.
The fact that I was abused also, the first time I was in fostercare when I was 14, for 7 months, doesn't help much either I guess.
Not that I think it will happen again but it made me even more apprehensive of people... There have been to many people hurting me like that. It just brings back a lot of memories and well I feel like I have enough memories already whithout this adding to them.
I did tell my contactperson from youthcare how I feel about moving around, but she said I basically have no choice... That they most probably won't find a permanent place for me to stay until I'm 18 and can go live on my own.

Suddenly october feels so far away.
I have so many flashbacks, nightmares, even panicattacks now. Much more then before.

Yeah... so that was my rant.. Move it if it shouldn't be here.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#145845 - 03/17/07 06:39 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
Aidanchase Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Vancouver, BC
No matter where you move, we will always be here for you. You are very brave to be in foster care. My mom would tell me things about it that would terrify me maybe thats why I never told. Anyway just want you to know we are always here, and you can be safe and call this home at any time.


Top
#145849 - 03/17/07 08:57 PM Re: moving around [Re: Aidanchase]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
Hi Stefan,

We'll be with you whenever we can. Like Aidan said, this can be the home you don't have to move from.

Keith.


Top
#145853 - 03/17/07 09:19 PM Re: moving around [Re: KeithR]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
thanks

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#145859 - 03/17/07 09:45 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
stefan ,one thing you might wanna do is try to get jobs in the places you live i know 6 weeks is not long ,but being 18 is a double edge sword when your in foster,freedom sounds so good ,but if you dont have family 18 means your out there on your own. being free is totaly cool ,but so is eating you know?if you can get used to working now it wont be hard later.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#145882 - 03/18/07 01:21 AM Re: moving around [Re: shadowkid]
mack Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/07/07
Posts: 101
Loc: new mexico
Stefan, Does your state have an aftercare program for youths in transition from the system? I know some states have agencies that will help you when you're deemed 'too old' for the foster care program. I would ask the contact person. I really hope they don't just cut you loose without some sort of guidance, but they might if you don't ask.

_________________________
mack

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#145890 - 03/18/07 02:27 AM Re: moving around [Re: mack]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Good advice Shadow and Mack!

Stefan? Have you come to discover ANYTHING in your life that helps you forget the pain, the fear, and the abuse? Is there ANYTHING that just makes you happy and let's you totally forget the past and unknown future?

I'm not labeling you as a complainer at ALL. But I would love to hear you mention SOMETHING that you like or has made you happy. Does anything come to mind?


Top
#145899 - 03/18/07 03:06 AM Re: moving around [Re: Hauser]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Stefan,

My care and concern go with you as you prepare for and move on to your next situation. I truly feel for you in this situation. Keep in touch when you can and remember, here you are loved.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#145911 - 03/18/07 09:40 AM Re: moving around [Re: WalkingSouth]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks everyone, for the replies.
I do have a job, I do telemarketing for charity funds. I should be able to keep it.
I'm not sure about an aftercare program.
All I know is that I can stay in the system until I have a place of my own, in my case a studentroom wich I should be able to get around the time I turn 18.

My friends make me happy.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#145913 - 03/18/07 09:44 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
My best To You Stefan.....Make A Great Life For Yourself....You are worth it................Steve


Top
#145953 - 03/18/07 02:42 PM Re: moving around [Re: sabata]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Stephan - Sorry you're caught in the system in more than one way!! I'm wondering if they have provided any "life skills" training?? By that I mean growing up in a home you generally find out about budgets, bill paying, etc. - the ordinary things in living independently we take for granted? Do they have an extended program like some of the guys asked? It might be an Independent Living Program? Transitional Living Program? These help support you in your transition from foster care to being on your own. Many state /county agencies have these assistance programs. For being in the system, they should have some support care.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate for 17!! We are here to support and listen!! Use all your resources as you need them!!


Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

Top
#146290 - 03/20/07 07:09 PM Re: moving around [Re: ScottyTodd]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I'm not sure scot... but i like to think I have at least some of the skills already anyway.
After my mother died it wasn't like my father went to do everything suddenly.

So I cleaned, cooked, did bills too... that kinda stuff.
But I guess I could ask about it sometime.

I figured out that whit the job, the study funding I get from government and the money i can .. borrow.. from government also, I should be able to do it financially wise.

That's ok anyway it's not like we had much money when I lived at home either.
Just social welfare and my father used most of it what was left over after paying the bills, for beer anyway.

I live in The Netherlands, so this system is probably a bit different then from the states though.

thanks for the replies everyone.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#146753 - 03/23/07 08:19 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I moved to the new place yesterday, thursday.
They seem ok.
Sure more crowdy and loud though, lol, as they have at the moment also 4 other kids, two boys, two girls.
They are much younger though, 10-13 or so.
The girls got to share a room and the boys also, thankfully I have my own room though.. That's a relief.

I haven't properly checked on the 'life skills training' thing yet, but I believe there are houses for 16,17,18 year olds where you live whit some other people around this age.. To learn how to live on yourself.
There's always some from the staff though day and night.
I'm not sure what qualifications you need to be able to get a place there or if that's something for me.
I'll try and check it out. We'll see.
I don't know if I want to live in such a house, but if it means not having to change places for a longer period, maybe it might be worth it.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#146921 - 03/25/07 02:43 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Bottom line is that you'll do ok in the end. You seem to have a core of common sense and an intelligence about you that will get you through. Just keep hooked in to your sources of strength.

Safe hugs,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#147400 - 03/28/07 09:26 AM Re: moving around [Re: WalkingSouth]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Hey Stefan

I know switching families isn't fun, as like you know, I've done that for half a year too.
Just keep talking to your contactperson, if she knows what's on your mind she can help you whit it.
I'm glad you can stay in the same city, school, cus it seems you have a lot of friends there.
For me it didn't matter much, I didn't have friends anyway, the school I didn't like that much either, so switching schools wasn't a big issue.
Hopefully you'll be able to get a more permanent place anyway.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

Top
#147401 - 03/28/07 09:32 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Somehow I missed this, just hope that one of the families agree to keep you for longer.
You sure need a break from all the uncertainty.

Keep your head up, and I hope things improve,

ste


Top
#147406 - 03/28/07 10:23 AM Re: moving around [Re: sabata]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

This is going to be a hard six months for you, that's for sure. What you really need is stability, not shifting around every few weeks.

So the question for us is this: How can we help?

One thing we can do is help you deal with your feelings about all this. For example, how do you feel about moving around like this? It's important that you understand this isn't a judgment against you personally, it's just how the system works.

Do you feel unsafe with this moving around? After what your father has done, and what happened in foster care earlier, I can just imagine you might feel very vulnerable.

And what happens when you turn 18? Shadow makes a good point there. Do you have plans or ideas?

Please don't hesitate to say how you feel and what is troubling you. That's the key to resolving these issues, after all. Just know you aren't alone, okay?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#147435 - 03/28/07 01:15 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi all

Thanks for replying. \:\)
I don't have much time atm so I'll keep it short for now.

As whit what I'm doing when I turn 18,
I registered whit social student housevesting here, around the time I turn 18 I should be high enough on the list to get a room in one of their studenthouses.
I'm going to be studying next school year.

I don't like moving around all the time at all, but it's just how it is right now. I do understand it's the system.
What happened first time I was in fostercare when I was 14, well it doesn't help of course. But I do understand it's not gonna happen again.. But yeah feelings are different sometimes.

Thanks for letting me rant on this a bit. \:\)

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#147452 - 03/28/07 02:28 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

It sounds like you are headed into an interesting year once you turn 18. What will you study? Will you stay in the Netherlands or go abroad now that it's becoming easier for students to move around?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#147491 - 03/28/07 05:51 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
hi

I will be studying social juridical services, bachelor level.
It's sorta like a combination of law study and social work.
I will be staying in The Netherlands, I have no interest in going abroad.

Oh and reality, the families don't really have a choice either in how long I stay, it's just not longer then a week or 8.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#147512 - 03/28/07 08:56 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Good luck with all that. It looks like you are making some solid and workable plans - good for you!

I asked because I am a university teacher and have had some wonderful experiences with Dutch universities, mainly Leiden but also Groningen and Nijmegen.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#147598 - 03/29/07 11:02 AM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi,

I will be going to the Hoge School (High School) Utrecht.
It is HBO level (bachelor level), so not university.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#147604 - 03/29/07 11:18 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

That sounds really good! You ought to find it easier to adapt to the changes to independent living, get used to your studies, make friends and so on. I didn't do well my first year in university - I was still pretty much wrecked from things that had happened to me when I was younger, I couldn't trust enough to make friends, and, well, I was drunk and stoned all the time - numbing out.

I've been all over the Netherlands but never in Utrecht for some reason. Oh well.

Leiden is by far and away one of my favorite places on earth. Small, easy to get around in on a bike, fast access to Amsterdam, lovely city center, nice cafes and restaurants, just wonderful. And of course the University Library, with the old section with the catalog still on ancient cards written by hand in Latin. lol

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#154431 - 05/04/07 07:08 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
moving again next week thursday or friday

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#154434 - 05/04/07 07:40 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi, Stefan,

I know this impending move is going to be stressful for you. I hope it will be good in the end, though, and that good things come from it for you. Keep us updated on how things are going with it, and how you're doing.

_________________________
Eddie

Top
#154441 - 05/04/07 08:52 PM Re: moving around [Re: EGL]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Thanks for letting us know. I hope this goes well for you, even though, as Eddie says, the constant moving has to be really stressful for you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#156289 - 05/15/07 04:13 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks.

The place is ok.
I moved last friday.
They seem nice.
At least I don't got the stupid 10 'o clock curfew anymore, so that's good.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#156291 - 05/15/07 04:17 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Stefan, maybe they will want to keep you \:D
Maybe you found a good family, yr in my thoughts,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
#156359 - 05/16/07 12:32 AM Re: moving around [Re: reality2k4]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Glad to hear the place turned out o.k., Stefan. Keep us up on how things are going.

_________________________
Eddie

Top
#156454 - 05/16/07 11:31 AM Re: moving around [Re: EGL]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Good to hear from you again, Stefan. I also wish you well.

Take care.

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

Top
#156462 - 05/16/07 12:17 PM Re: moving around [Re: Chain Breaker]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Glad to hear the curfew is gone and it's great you seem to be getting along with the new fosters. I hope that at least you are moving around in the same local area.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#156496 - 05/16/07 01:36 PM Re: moving around [Re: Chain Breaker]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks everyone.

I'm just trying to keep concentrated and learn at least some of the stuff I should for upcoming tests.
I'm supposed to be graduating from high school this year.
Concentration isn't something I'm doing well at though, at the moment.
I'm not really concerned that I will fail to the point of that I won't be able to graduate... I have had mostly good marks so far... But yeah I dunno I can't afford to get only marks 5 and lower though. I'm not sure how I will do at the tests. (5.5 being enough to pass, 1 lowest mark, 10 highest mark).
I guess I'll found out soon enough.

I should be getting back results from the court thing soon too.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#156651 - 05/17/07 12:02 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

I bet your studies seem unreal compared to the other things on your mind right now. Have you spoken to a doctor or theraist about this? Maybe there's something they can give you to help ease the stress.

Good luck with the court results, my friend. But you know what? Regardless of the results you did a very brave thing - and it was the RIGHT thing as well. Never forget that.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#156742 - 05/17/07 05:51 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Most likely will stay in same town so that is good.
It's just hard to concentrate.
No I don't speak with a doctor or therapist.
Fosters are ok. They are like 'well as long as you don't make noise when you get home and wake people up and stay out of trouble it's fine whit us'.
While this, graduating, the test etc, is all everyone seems to be able to talk of, it's the last thing that is on my mind..

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#156903 - 05/18/07 11:24 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan I would discuss this with your doctor, just to see what he/she suggests. These exams coming up are pretty important, yeah?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#159270 - 05/31/07 08:26 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I think I have done okey on some and not so good at others... But if I'm right not so bad as to endanger graduating. My grades troughout the rest of the years have al been okay/good.

Something totally else. So I said I had moved right. Well that was ok, no more stupid rules. Also here kids come and go.
Like about 6 days ago some kid came he's about my age like 16 I think maybe 15. Well he has a lot of anger/behavourial problems. He's doing drugs too, I know this for sure. Like just weed but when combined whit alcohol it's bad, none of them are good of course but combined even worse.

So I don't know what overcome me when I was sitting downstairs for a change watching tv, waiting for dinnertime this evening..
He comes barging in saying he wants to watch something else, changes the channel and when I object he just goes into a blind rage. I don't know what happens to him or if he's like this more often but that was sorta scary to see really.

Anyway I was sitting on the cough and he was towering over me and he just started to punch me in the face, I tried to protect myself but I had a hard time doing that because I was sitting down and it was a low cough so I couldn't get up well under the rain of punches. Thankfully the fosterfather there was also home and got him of me even he had troubles doing that though. He kept screaming and trying to kick him then calmed down after a while. So he's taken away from here by youthcare like inmedeatly, I'm not sure what they will do whit him now.

So nothing to worry about I just got some bruises, a black eye and well the right side of my face is pretty banged up and I'm not sure if I will sleep very well tonight but yeah that's about it. Took me to the doctor to be sure but it's just some bruises, no concussion or anything so that's good.

But wow that was intense!
I hope they get him some good help cause he can't keep on exploding like this forever what if he beats someone and that person hits his head wrong or something, he could kill someone.

So that's my soapstory of the day lol.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#159289 - 05/31/07 10:44 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow...that's rough. Are you okay now that it's over? Do you still feel safe there?

David


Top
#159290 - 05/31/07 10:55 PM Re: moving around [Re: MemoryVault]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Stefan,

Sorry this happened to you, I can't begin to imagine what I would have done in that situation. But the thing that really strikes me in all this, is that at the end of your post you said that you hope he gets some help. That shows incredible compassion on your part. Instead of ranting about what a jerk he was or whatever, you choose to hope he gets help. That says a lot about your character, my friend.

_________________________
Eddie

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#159321 - 06/01/07 09:33 AM Re: moving around [Re: EGL]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I was thinking. Did I react the same way as when my father would have hit me? I'm not sure.
I didn't hit back but that's not a good thing to do anyway I think. And I didn't get the change either I would have had to get of that bank first.
I was just trying to defend myself trying to protect my face whit my arm. But that's just normal too.
I was much like whoa, what's happening, if it had been my dad back then I wouldn't have been like that cause it was as normal to get hit to me as breathing and eating almost.
I did go into 'survival mode' though. You know like shutting of emotions, try to defend yourself (as i mentioned earlier), all that stuff. So while I was pretty much emotionless about it yesterday it has shaken me up some today.

I do feel safe here I guess, but I don't think I will be looking at other boys around my age I come to live whit maybe, the same way as before. Esp when I know they do drugs or alcohol. I'll be more on guard.

I do feel safe at these places but then again what is safe it has never been safe for me anywhere until they placed me out, it's supposed to be safe anyway now.
But you never get really used to the places either and you don't let yourself get used to them either cause you know you gotta leave soon anyway, it's only 6-8 weeks and you gotta move again.

And then there's the first fosterfamily I lived whit, ever, while my parents had had a carcrash and my mother died and my father was in hospital/recovery for about 7 months.
They def weren't safe. Same thing happened there as what happened at home. While he wouldn't hit me he would do all the s.abuse stuff. I can't shake that time of completely, esp not now I'm in fosterhomes again.
So... what's safe anyway? I've never known.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#159345 - 06/01/07 12:33 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
I hear you, Stefan... One day, you'll be in your own place, in a world you have a lot more control over. But until then, you're being amazingly strong and insightful.

I guess safety, ultimately, is the strength you have inside--it's your sense of humor and knowing that you can handle things that come at you from out of the blue, like a kid freaking out. It's the sense of "I've been through worse than this." It's knowing that you can feel strong things, get triggered, and come through with support.

David


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#159384 - 06/01/07 07:35 PM Re: moving around [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Like Eddie comments, I think it's so cool how you reacted to the whole thing. This other boy is clearly having problems of some sort and just freaked out. It's difficult to guess why, but the point is that you didn't let it blow up into a brawl by reacting to him. That shows a lot of maturity on your part.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#159387 - 06/01/07 07:44 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Originally Posted By: Stefan012
So... what's safe anyway? I've never known.


Safe will be when your boundaries are respected and you feel you have the knowledge and power you need to recognize these boundaries and make sure they are maintained.

I know what your next question will be: How do I recognize good boundaries and what can I do to keep people from crossing them? It's a matter of exprience, bro, that and confidence. Survivors often have such long experience of having others violate their boundaries that it seems normal. We also find it difficult to insist that our boundaries be respected; after all, abuse taught us that what we need and want doesn't count and that if we are hurt it's no big deal.

Working on our boundaries issues isn't easy, Stefan, but it's central to what we are trying to do in recovery. It's our future. And it can be done - it just takes time, like all the other things we are trying to accomplish.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#159610 - 06/03/07 11:56 AM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Alexander Offline
Member

Registered: 10/17/06
Posts: 223
Loc: The Netherlands
Yeah that's really cool you didn't hit back and all.
Good that you are ok, hope you will be able to feel safe there.. and in the next places.

Alexander

_________________________
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath

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#161543 - 06/14/07 04:08 AM Re: moving around [Re: Alexander]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Gonna move again next week.

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

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#161548 - 06/14/07 05:59 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Thanks for letting us know. How are you feeling about all this moving around these dasy? Any thoughts?

Hang in there, my friend. You only have to put up with this until October, right?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#161580 - 06/14/07 11:38 AM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Good luck, Stefan. Hope it's a good place. Hope it's all good places from now on!

David


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#161599 - 06/14/07 03:27 PM Re: moving around [Re: MemoryVault]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
It's getting a bit annoying all that moving. Like you have to get used to new people, a new home, etc every so many weeks. At least for now I will be having holidays until end of august so at least no school stress also.
Official graduation from highschool will be in about 2 weeks or so. I'm gonna be the only one whit no parents or relatives, that's going to be a bit weird.. But o well it's just a few hours it will be fine.
I'm turning 18 in october so then I can officially go live on my own in a studenthouse. I hope to be on top of the waitinglist by then so that I can actually go and look for a room. So I should be able to go live on my own in october/november this year, in a studenthouse. That should be much better.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#161620 - 06/14/07 07:42 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Stefan,

Just keeping you in my thoughts. You can do it! Just hang on.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#161818 - 06/16/07 09:14 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Originally Posted By: Stefan012
Official graduation from highschool will be in about 2 weeks or so. I'm gonna be the only one whit no parents or relatives, that's going to be a bit weird.. But o well it's just a few hours it will be fine.


No, it's not fine at all for a guy to be graduating from high school with no one to support him and congratulate him on the big day. Please let us know when the big day is, okay? I know a lot of us will want to know and would love to share our thoughts with you. You may have no parents or blood relatives to share the moment with, but you have a TON of brothers who are very proud of you. \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#162381 - 06/19/07 10:13 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I'm moving tomorrow. So the chairdance starts again. yay.

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#167970 - 07/20/07 02:13 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Moving again end next week.

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#168009 - 07/20/07 07:50 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Damn! I can't believe they keep doing this to you. I just can't imagine how this can be in your best interest. But hang in there and in October you will be hopefully be heading into something more stable.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#168012 - 07/20/07 08:22 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
It's like you're this pion they move around.
I understand why they do it, but it's just a bit ... I don't know. I don't like getting used to new house, new people, etc every 5 weeks. But feeling bit down lately anyway. So maybe that's got to do some with how i'm feeling about it.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#168094 - 07/21/07 05:53 AM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

Originally Posted By: Stefan012
It's like you're this pion they move around.


That's exactly it. Whatever their reasons for moving you around like this, the message to you - and you are supposed to be the one who matters here - is that you are some kind of nuisance that needs to be shared out. They will of course say this isn't what they mean, but there we are all the same. That has to be how it feels.

What else are you feeling down about? Can you talk about it?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#168229 - 07/21/07 05:43 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
Xavier91 Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/11/07
Posts: 84
I'm sorry this keeps happening... Fosterfamilies really aren't much fun esp if they keep moving you around to different ones every so many weeks. And esp what happened to you the first time you were in fostercare..
I guess we were lucky to have met the wonderfull people we are staying with now, who adopted us. Of course we were much younger.
I hope that in october when you turn 18 you can quickly find a studentroom and put a stop to all the moving!

Xavier

_________________________
Rather laugh about what has been
Then fear what still comes, perhaps
Rather loving a big ghost
Then hating something that you can’t see

You are gone, but closer then ever

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#168440 - 07/22/07 05:28 PM Re: moving around [Re: Xavier91]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks guys \:\)

Larry, can't really say why I'm feeling sorta down... Not like I could pick some things to blame it on. I don't really know..
More an overall kind of feeling like you know, everything becomes a bit dull, going out with friends is not as relaxing and just a nice evening of talking and joking anymore, nothing interests me much... I don't know how to explain.
It's like I get out of bed in the morning, eat breakfast, go to a friend or watch some tv, or go to work, etc, and then its evening again and i go to bed or I don't cause i dont want to face the nightmares i know i will get.
It's better then the anxiety all the time maybe? I dont know. Dont know anything i suppose. But now i'm starting to whine so i'll shut up \:\)

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#168450 - 07/22/07 06:26 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
no whineing-[Stefan--------------------hope things get better for you-----------------------------------------------steve


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#168623 - 07/23/07 07:13 PM Re: moving around [Re: sabata]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
thanks. just feels like i do whenever i talk about this stuff you know? Can't shake that

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#168627 - 07/23/07 07:28 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
I suppose seeing one of my perps today and freaking out terribly at it doesnt help either..
I know it happens sometimes, that i will see one of em, cause utrecht, esp the city centre isnt that big but... I freak out every time anyway.

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#168629 - 07/23/07 07:35 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Stephan.... if you ever see im in chat, please PM me... I have something to tell you.

Lazarus

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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#168631 - 07/23/07 07:39 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
well its not whining..........at all and dont think of it that way.............you are reaching out.................getting it out.........which is good.........dont look down on your self....................for getting it out...................................sorry about seeing one of your perps....today....................i use to get panic attaks...............they would drive me nuts.........hang in there stefan.................you got much to look foreward to...........................steve


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#174745 - 08/21/07 05:25 PM Re: moving around [Re: Lazarus]
Stefan012 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/18/06
Posts: 281
Loc: The Netherlands
Soo... I'm moving AGAIN. Thursday. It's been what? 4 weeks?
I got mad at her.. My contactperson, she called to tell me. She was all like sorry, sorry, sorry, that I'm telling you this so late but ..... giving reasons as why to they had to do it and stuff, sorry sorry sorry, i know its soon after the last time... All good reasons I guess but... what about me?
So I apologised and she seemed to understand but yeah. I dont know. I never thought moving around all the time would bother me so much. I dont really understand why, but it does.

Stefan

_________________________
You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.
You let them out and miss them while they're gone
But there's memories down here and they will always live down here
No they can't take them away, so they won't

Top
#174754 - 08/21/07 05:46 PM Re: moving around [Re: Stefan012]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Stefan,

I think its perfectly understandable that you feel upset at being moved again. Like you said in a previous post on this thread, it kind of feels like your needs and feelings don't count, even if you understand the reasons for the move.

You are also going through some other difficult things right now, so that can't make it any easier for you.

The important thing here is that you feel free to talk about what's bothering you. Talking does help, and apart from everything else it reminds us that we do have a voice and we have every right in the world to speak out when things don't feel right.

Hang in there.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#174818 - 08/21/07 09:11 PM Re: moving around [Re: roadrunner]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
so sorry-stefan-------------are these moves in the same area??town???????????or are they moving you all around the country?????????????????????????any case--------------------------------------------sorry you have to put up with this----------------------------steve


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#174839 - 08/21/07 10:29 PM Re: moving around [Re: sabata]
Lazarus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Stefan,

I'm sorry this is happeneing to you... sometimes luck turns bad... It's not your fault and there's nothing you can do about it... something you may have to put up with for awhile... but it's better than the alternatives... do what you have to do to stay safe and sane... nothing else matters, really.

Good luck next time...

Laz

_________________________
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

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