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#145074 - 03/12/07 10:29 AM Arrested Development
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1245
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
This is going to sound weird, and I hope I don't freak anyone out, but I wanted to ask.

I was SA'd at a very young age: starting at a toddler age, 1 1/2 - two years old. My therapists in the past have had insight about what I'm going to ask but I'd like to know if anyone else has had the same thing in their lives.

Has anyone had any "weird" fetishes (for lack of a better word) directly related to their abuse?

Sometimes I feel in my head like a little boy, and sometimes (lots of times) I like to act it out. I.e. talking in a kid voice, sleeping with a stuffed animal, playing trucks, or even wearing cartoon undies. I feel like a little kid trapped inside an adult body when I get into that mode. My therapist says it's because I have some arrested development going on; that part of my mind stayed the ages I was abused. She said it's fairly common among those who were abused at a very young age. I'm not sure what to believe.

Has anyone else experience this?

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#145076 - 03/12/07 11:46 AM Re: Arrested Development [Re: AndyJB2005]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11187
Loc: Denver, CO
Absolutely. I've been one of the oldest 10-year-olds I ever met. Regarding weird fetishes, stuff relating to urine/urination in general thanks to good ol' mother and this kid I knew when I was around 10.

How it manifests itself in a healing moment: back in '05 I went through a painful evening with some other folks who listened to me explain how my mother didn't love me. I felt like this hurt little kid as I cried my eyes out. Grieving that allowed me to move on and "start growing up" again.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#145090 - 03/12/07 02:37 PM Re: Arrested Development [Re: FormerTexan]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Andy,
CSA affects people differently. My older brother who was SA'd at 14, is "stuck" there. He has not addressed the issue of his CSA, so he may be stuck there for ever. My younger brother (who was not CSA'd) came up with this. Watching us grow up, then learning of our abuse. He said my CSA manifested itself into blind rage; my older brother got "stuck". I never knew my lil bro was so wise. I have read of both in the books on CSA.

Take good care.
GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#145275 - 03/13/07 09:38 PM Re: Arrested Development [Re: GWsurvives]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
Yea....I Feel like the Little boy stuck in A mans Body....And I Get The Wierd thoughts......I Call Them Bad Thoughts....For me........I See People My Age As Adults....Or All Adults ..That Way....I Dont See Myself As A Adult...I have to look At Myself in the Mirror...To Realize That is What Everyones Sees.....Because I See Myself As A Child...And At Timesi think That Is What Everyone else Sees.....Its like Certin parts Of My Mind Is Stuck At That Age ..And Never matured...i Get A Lot of Problems With People..When I Relate To Them From That Lost Child Stuck In this Mans Body......I Dont Even Feel Comfortable Saying the word.Man..Cause I feel Thats Not me.....................A............Man..........Steve


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#145635 - 03/16/07 11:01 AM Re: Arrested Development [Re: sabata]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Andy,

Me too, me too! My childhood was stolen and I want it back! So I just take it back and allow myself time to play. When I first started the recovery process, I used to wake up and find my thumb in my mouth. I haven't done that in a long time now so I must be starting to grow up, but I still love to play with toy cars and the like. When I went to the weekend of recovery a couple of weeks ago, I slept with my stuffed monkey, the one you see in my avatar.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#145665 - 03/16/07 04:22 PM Re: Arrested Development [Re: Derdlecar]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
I didn't play much as a kid...but realized that the "little Howard" inside needed to play. I read a book about "the Child Within" and it makes sense. When I work with CSA kids, play is a major part of our communication. Play is a way people can work out aggression...say things they aren't ready to talk about yet or aren't consciously aware of. The best part of play therapy is I get to play too!! It's awesome to see kids become aggressive over a card game ("win at any cost"..even cheat). I give them cards so they will win. It's when they see the playfulness and start enjoying the game for fun, sharing and they can be happy if I win or they win! Feeling like a child is "normal"/expected. When there are missing pieces doesn't it make sense to put those pieces back (as much as we can)...I have a saying posted by my PC, "You're never too old to have a happy childhood". This is one way to get it back.

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#145721 - 03/16/07 11:51 PM Re: Arrested Development [Re: ScottyTodd]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Interesting thread, AndyJB. Thanks for bringing it up. All during my childhood and through adulthood, right up to the point of when I started dealing with the past at age 43, I wore briefs (jockey shorts, whatever you want to call them) for underwear. Around the time of my meltdown at 43, I switched to boxers. It was "liberating" in more ways than one. I've always felt self-conscious about my body, and didn't like being in briefs in front of my wife (go figure, being naked in front of her doesn't bother me). The correlations I can draw from it is that wearing briefs reminds me of childhood and my older perp brother. Slipping briefs off, even as an adult, just has too many triggering feelings. Switching to boxers made a lot of difference.

_________________________
Eddie

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#145732 - 03/17/07 01:39 AM Re: Arrested Development [Re: EGL]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Eddie,
You aren't the only one that made that change! I didn't even realize I did it. Just bought some boxers one day at the store. I didn't know why.. just thought, "I'll give those a try.

Take good care,

GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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