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#145644 - 03/16/07 01:03 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: Nobbynobs]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
Lost, i want what you are describing. To live. I'm in a bad place today and your post offered the idea of hope. I needed that. I'm at the point where i'm wanting to rid myself of this anger and shit. And it makes me feel good to hear that you've gotten through it and arent just existing, but living. I just dont know what to do. There should be a step by step do it yourself recover handbook.

"Actually, he did. His statement was directed at the Indian people, to encourage them to forgive the many crimes committed by the British during the time that India was part of the British Empire."

Thank you for that tid-bit. I stand corrected.

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#145651 - 03/16/07 01:49 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
lostandconfused Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 11
Jamie,

Unfortunately, the solution lies within yourself. The solution would have to be tailored to fit you like a glove, since your way of thinking, outlook, survival mechanisms etc are all unique to you.

We have many things in common though, in that we live/lived in an isolated state, with various coping mechanisms in order to survive. But you chose anger and hate as a coping mechanism, while I chose being strictly rational with everyone.

What helped me the most though, was understanding that we are all the same on a fundamental level though. If we are pure soul when we come into the world, then its our thoughts and conditioning that tell us who we are.

So what makes me different from everyone else? Again, our thoughts and who we think we are. So I posted positive statements around my house such as, "I love myself", etc. Basically statements of change and how I wanted to be. The deeper thoughts from the subconscious would try to override these affirmations, and I would get a sinking feeling in my stomach and a mood and way of thinking that wanted to return.

I pushed these thoughts away though, because I didnt want to feel like that anymore. I failed a few times and sunk in to despair, and would feel like crap for the whole day, but eventually, I gained the upperhand. I now watch my thoughts a lot closer, especially in social situations, but also not much that I am too self conscious either.

I also took away all the control I had given to people that I had given them in the past. Such as my abusers, society in general by keeping up with the jones etc. Trying to fit in by copying others etc. I had to isolate myself from everyone so that I could work on myself, independent of what others wanted.

It seems strange saying that, since I was already isolated in my mind from everyone, but it was for different reasons i.e hiding etc. I needed to learn to get control for myself first, before putting this new person out into social settings etc.

I reasoned that I wanted to be happy in life regardless if I had a job, money etc, since I deserve to be happy, no matter what. Society and others tell us, in order to be happy, with have to have the latest and greatest things, nice houses, cars, wealth etc, but this is all a smoke screen. You dont need those to be happy, but rather it is something that comes from within yourself.

I was talking to a friend online, and discovered she was a life coach. She said she gets people that are never happy no matter, how much money they have etc. Some people just arent satisfied with what they have, and want more, because they base thier state of mind, and happiness on things outside themselves, which they cant control all the time, rather than something that comes from within you.

I would isolate your thoughts from everyone else, and forget what others want. Then tear down the walls that you have built, and start fresh with a new perspective that you desire.

Theres so much more I could say as well, but I have rambled on long enough lol.


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#145655 - 03/16/07 02:44 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: Nobbynobs]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
good for ghandi ,but im not a saint

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#145658 - 03/16/07 03:19 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: shadowkid]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
It seem often that it is express here that if we are not angry, we are defective. The opposite of anger is NOT 'surrender' to me, for ME. Anger is not my nature, and to try to force myself to be angry, it is damaging to me. I have tried before, because people have told me 'oh, you must get angry, you must deal with the anger'. Well, why create it if it is not there? I am not excusing abuse, and I am not telling anyone they must forgive. I chose what I do for me, for what is best for me and my healing. It do not make me weak, and it do not make me less a survivor of anyone else.

But revenge? I can not understand that, within myself. I just do not see what positive or good thing can come from creating more pain and hurt, even if it is to someone you feel 'deserve' it. Do it make us stronger and more powerful to hurt another person? No. It make us, in my mind, lesser. Because it make us more like 'them', and I refuse to be that.

What is for me, is not for you. What is for you, is not for me. What is right for one person here maybe is not right for 100 other people. That is nature of being individual and dealing of such events. But as I do not judge another, only try my best (and fail, it seem) to explain mine own self, please do not judge me as less effective survivor then anyone else here. Just because I do not have anger, just because perhaps I am more quiet of things, it do not make me less effective of what I do.

Andrei


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#145662 - 03/16/07 04:20 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: ak]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
Thanks for taking the time lost. That was helpful to me.

Andrei i dont think thats even the message or point. There is no lesser or greater survivor. What you said was best. What is for you is for you. Whats for me is for me. And for me revenge wouldnt be about power. I dont even think it would make me feel any different. What it would be about is giving something back. I dont believe in god so i'm not waiting for god to mead out punishment. An eye for and eye can be just. And if it leaves the world blind then so be it. Yet i'm trying to break that mindframe. But thats how i'd feel anyway.

And its not creating anger. Anger is either there or it isnt. I wouldnt want anyone to make themselves angry as that's incredibly unhealthy. Some people just view things in a different way. React and deal in a different way. And hopefully oneday we will all reach the point where there is no more anger left to express.

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#145675 - 03/16/07 05:47 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
"He who makes you angry has conquered you."

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#145683 - 03/16/07 06:34 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: Nobbynobs]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11174
Loc: Denver, CO
It depends on the anger. Productive anger is quite useful.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#145690 - 03/16/07 08:36 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: FormerTexan]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
let me ask this question please? if when the abuse was happening i had just resigned myself to it,just said oh well not much i can do about it. i'll just let it happen.would i be here today to talk to you? no ,he damn near kileed me anyway ,without the white hot anger i would not have lived through it . maybe its true i dont need it now ,but for me i cant think about all the things he did to and took from me without being angry, somebody please tell me how to not be?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#145692 - 03/16/07 08:57 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: shadowkid]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
There is a large difference between Justice and Revenge. I am satisfied that John Couey is getting his due Justice for having raped Jessica Lunsford and then stuffed her in a box and buried her alive. It is not Revenge, it is Justice. Revenge would have been turning him over the Jessica's father so that he could enact any kind of horrible death on him he wanted. We are a society that lives by the rule of law, and our laws have provided that monsters such as Couey are qualified for the death penalty. Some think it is barbaric in any form. But they didn't write our laws.

_________________________
Eddie

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#145694 - 03/16/07 08:59 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: FormerTexan]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Originally Posted By: FormerTexan
It depends on the anger. Productive anger is quite useful.


Agreed, FT. Very true. I can think of a Man of 2,000 years ago Who got angry on occasion.

_________________________
Eddie

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