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#145597 - 03/15/07 11:49 PM Thoughts of Revenge
lostandconfused Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 11

Tonight I was talking to Dean, and he made reference to some kids that were murdered. While it was tragic, he made all kinds of derogatory remarks about the killer, and while understandable, I made a comment that his emotions and passions were similar to the killer, and in his mind, he was no better than they. It was an observation I saw from my own past experiences. Not a judgment, but a warning that we should learn to be in better control of our passions and thoughts based upon my own experiences.

I got a tongue lashing as a result, and he told to watch my mouth. I said that, have we not learned anything from our past where abuse was inflicted on us, be it physical or sexual? Rather than address my comments, he attempted to belittle and control me by calling me a “Tree Hugging Hippy” rather than deal with the reality of the emotions he was feeling. It easier to act like judge jury and executioner, and pass judgement than it is to face up to the realities of how we feel.

Not long ago, I was anything but a “Tree Hugging Hippy” Because of the public humiliation I felt from my past. I had all sorts of nasty thoughts, and I intentionally let them come. Many consisted of nuking the world, bombing schools etc, and lashing out in whatever way I could because of the pain I felt directed toward me. So, what good comes of these thoughts for ourselves, even if we don’t act them out? Nothing good comes of them. They lower our state of living with anger and hate, and when acted upon even, they result in wars upon wars where no one is the winner. There is a lot of wisdom in the statement “An eye for an eye makes the world go blind”.

On a personal level, I was going through a major battle in my younger years, but in many ways, it also made me wiser and stronger and more understanding in regards to the world around me. We have a choice to act on every thought that comes are way, as did I. It could have ended up really bad for me, but it didn’t, because I chose peace and solace in my soul. If that makes me a “tree hugging hippy”, then so be it. I’d rather die with a sense of peace in my heart in knowing that I tried to help everyone regardless of their deeds, rather than going to the grave selfish in my thoughts and understandings.

When I look at the world around me, I try not to get lost in the details but look at the bigger picture. Like my life, it can be a painful growing process, but the end results can be worth it. The wars we see around the world is an example of humans trying to find themselves on a collective scale. The clashes of diverging belief systems, politics, and power in which time is riddle with, but much progress has still been made. If, you look at the conflicts with a jaundiced eye though then it would seem not much has changed, that is, conflicts and bloodshed continues. But it is through conflict that we grow, because static systems and dormant thought do not produce change.


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#145598 - 03/16/07 12:09 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: lostandconfused]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
I'm with you, lost. I think that an obsession with revenge speaks of something incomplete or unresolved within a person's character. Revenge only creates more hate, pain and violence.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#145604 - 03/16/07 01:23 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: Nobbynobs]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
But revenge feel's so good.

I have to endulge in bad behavior by saying anger has kept me together. Distrust has kept me safe. And ghandi's saying of and eye for an eye.. makes sense but ghandi didnt put it in the context of a victims emotional state tewards an abuser.

Perhaps you are right. But i hold on to my anger and hate as if it were my ball's...its all i got. And i'm only speaking for me. And mean you no disrespect but am just discussing the topic. Without the fire of hate there is nothing. Once someone heals then i dont know maybe they realize all this enlightning stuff and the ghandi saying applys. But IMO atleast when someone isnt recoverd the hate keeps you going.

Me, a buck knife, a pair of pliers and a child molester...good times.



Edited by jamie' (03/16/07 02:22 AM)
_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#145605 - 03/16/07 01:45 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
If all we got is our anger and hate, I think it would be sad life. Those people, they see only the darkness, they only mistrust, they only think the worst intentions of other persons, and can not appreciate the beauty and good of the world around us. It is easier to me, by much, to be who I am, who is maybe at times hurt again in some way, but who can be happy and enjoy the good and positive of life, then to be someone who is 'fueled' off more negative emotions. It is not judgement of anyone, as I say, it is only how and what I think.

I am also not sure I would have identify by name the person I have the issue with, but that is of my own thinking also.

Andrei


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#145606 - 03/16/07 01:49 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: ak]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
Your right andrei. It is a sad life to live that way. Sometimes thats the only way you know though. And sometimes people realize that and come to places like this site. To try and change, to move forward some.

Kid's dont do nothing to nobody. Some are shit on continually. Sometimes you just want to hurt back.

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#145611 - 03/16/07 02:12 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
See, I just, I do not understand the desire to 'hurt back'. I have friends, good friends, who would understand that feeling, and they are good, very good men. It is just not of my own nature. It do not make me better or worse of them, just different.

I hope this site can show you a 'better way', if what you live now is not satisfactroy to you.

Andrei


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#145612 - 03/16/07 02:21 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: ak]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
"I hope this site can show you a 'better way', if what you live now is not satisfactroy to you."

Me too andrei.

Of course if it was satisfactory to me i wouldnt be here.

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#145626 - 03/16/07 07:48 AM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
the opposite of anger is not peace its surrender,the anger ,hate and yes even violent thoughts i have over what happened are reserved for the bastard that hurt me ,they dont spill over onto anybody else ,or ruin my life in any way,i keep thenm to myself ,at least untill somebody tells me i have to forgive ,or tries to make excuses for child molesters,some people find peace through forgivness or resignation, its easy to do what we all did for so long just bury the anger and let it fester, id rather let it burn bright ,in what way does being pissed hurt me? to me my anger is the one way i can know it wasnt my fault ,when i accept what happend to me and lose the anger i'll be beaten ,i wont let it go cause its how i know what happened was wrong

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#145642 - 03/16/07 12:44 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
lostandconfused Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 11
Originally Posted By: jamie'
But revenge feel's so good.

I have to endulge in bad behavior by saying anger has kept me together. Distrust has kept me safe. And ghandi's saying of and eye for an eye.. makes sense but ghandi didnt put it in the context of a victims emotional state tewards an abuser.

Perhaps you are right. But i hold on to my anger and hate as if it were my ball's...its all i got. And i'm only speaking for me. And mean you no disrespect but am just discussing the topic. Without the fire of hate there is nothing. Once someone heals then i dont know maybe they realize all this enlightning stuff and the ghandi saying applys. But IMO atleast when someone isnt recoverd the hate keeps you going.

Me, a buck knife, a pair of pliers and a child molester...good times.


I can so empathize with you Jamie.

Before I was on the road to recovery, I had my own way as well of surviving, which consisted of only rational thinking. No humor, no laughing, no emotions etc. Hence, no close relationships either as a result. When someone would tease me, in order to bring me out, I closed up more, and responded with rational thoughts rather than tease them back.

My old thought patterns were the only thing that made me survive through all those years, and it was my comfort zone as well. In reality, there was nothing comfortable about it at all but only that it was the familiar and allowed me to cope with things in life the only way I knew how. It was actually like being imprisoned in hell, because I had not loved, nor felt love from anyone, and death was more preferable.

I felt scared and lost inside with even considering loosing all that, because I had built myself around that mode of thought, that it was so deeply entrenched in my psyche. How could I survive without that?

These days, I am laughing more, and am feeling a closeness to people I never knew existed. Some days I would cry because of all the wasted life before me, but also tears of joy because I at least broke free from the vicious cycle that was destroying my soul.

It was painful going through all that, but it was worth it. New thought patterns and ways of thinking are emerging which came about once I started controlling what I thought and wanted to think. My outlook on life, and other people is different as well. I don’t look for flaws in others in order to raise my self esteem, nor do I think on a fundamental level, anyone is better than me either. I look at people with love and compassion, because I understand the baggage everyone carries around with them, and how hard it can be to break free.

There are no normal people, but just people struggling to survive in the only way they know how. Most people might have what appears on the surface to be a ‘normal’ upbringing and perfect life. There are imperfections though in everyone and these can create conflicts in everyones life. Most people though, won’t look deep within themselves though for the answers, and may very well go to the grave that way as well. In more severe cases such as mine, and ours, I had no choice but to look within myself, because it was severe enough that it stopped me from living life to the fullest.


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#145643 - 03/16/07 12:49 PM Re: Thoughts of Revenge [Re: jamie']
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Originally Posted By: jamie'
And ghandi's saying of and eye for an eye.. makes sense but ghandi didnt put it in the context of a victims emotional state tewards an abuser.


Actually, he did. His statement was directed at the Indian people, to encourage them to forgive the many crimes committed by the British during the time that India was part of the British Empire.

Ghandi also forgave his assassin.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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