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#145261 - 03/13/07 08:01 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: Trish4850]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11028
Loc: Denver, CO
Trish,

Absolutely you're not her. Nor would I dare suggest that you are anything like her. And if he is seeing you in that light, I hope he continues to work at overcoming what happened to him so that it is not projected onto you (assuming that's the case).

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#145262 - 03/13/07 08:01 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: Trish4850]
jamie' Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 125
Loc: Ont, Can
I wish i had an answer. I think you need to do what's best for you. I'd stick it out for a bit. I imagine you've been very supportive. But at some point you'll have to stop and say what about me?. That's not unreasonable.

And if you do decide it's too much. I'll take a guess that he wouldnt blame you.

_________________________
No matter how long and dark the night is, Or the fear and hurt that it can bring, there will always be a dawn, where we can push the past aside and move forward with hope.

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#145265 - 03/13/07 08:08 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: jamie']
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
He wouldn't blame me at all. Isn't that what survivors do? expect the worst? He's done me wrong so he expects that I'll do the same. Well I won't! I have decent standards for myself; I have good expections of him and of others I meet; he expects everyone to be shit! Let me tell you how a partner looks at such low expectations - LIKE CRAP! He has the right to expect that I will do the right things by him with him and for him for every minute of time we are together just like I have those expectations of him. The fact that he doesn't makes me feel like shit.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#145266 - 03/13/07 08:09 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: jamie']
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Trish, would it help if I said "I hear you"?

Not going to offer any sage advise. You've probably heard enough of that.
Not going to tell you it'll get better because I don't know enough about it to do such a thing.
Not going to tell you any of the things that a person could because it'd just be so much smoke blowing.

I'll offer you a safe hug and just say I heard every word.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#145268 - 03/13/07 08:15 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: WalkingSouth]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
It helps John and so does the 2nd glass of wine \:\) No, alcohol is not my usual form of relaxation, but sometimes, a body need something to slow it down.

Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#145281 - 03/13/07 10:06 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: Trish4850]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Trish,

You're absolutely right that he is doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. Happily, sometimes the right reason manages to sneak up on us from behind.

I'm so sorry that things have gotten to this point. I hope that you find some comfort in being able to vent here. I know it's not what you want, but you know that you can always find acceptance and understanding here.

Remember that it's not your burden to heal him, no matter how much you hunger for his love and affection. Take care of yourself first, don't apologise for your needs, but don't make them anyone else's burden either.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#145282 - 03/13/07 10:10 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: Trish4850]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
"He shows me love and consideration and all wonderful things and then tells me that he doesn’t feel any of it. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?!" .....I'm right there with you. What the h*ll were those first 13 yrs of marriage about??!?!!!? How can one not feel anything after all that???

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#145283 - 03/13/07 10:12 PM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: Brokenhearted]
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Heh, sometimes it just feels good to yell and scream here and gripe and whine and vent and holler and seethe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Maybe we'll feel better afterward!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#145314 - 03/14/07 01:56 AM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: Brokenhearted]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Trish, Brokenhearted,

I wish I could tell you that it will get better.. I can't. I will tell you that it can get better. I see so much of me in your posts. AND>>> DRUM ROLL PLEASE...... I'M GETTING BETTER!!! It happens! If you love your SO.. and it seems you both do, hang in there! Don't take the "shit" personally (I know that's hard to do, but try) Also, don't take any shit. What I will tell is that you both are such wonderful people. Rant and rave... scream!!! But keep loving them.. when "it" happens, you will be richly rewarded!..

I'm glad you both are here... sorry you need to be, but glad, none the less.

GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#145318 - 03/14/07 03:20 AM Re: Very angry post - could be triggers [Re: GWsurvives]
AshSurvived Offline
Member

Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Australia
Yeah, I can relate to what your boyfriend is doing. Self-sacrificing and low self-esteem. Story of my life. My parents were aresholes too and maybe this is the common thread. I certainly think of Pelzer when reading about your boyfriend's attitude, and thinking about my own.

***I am possibly triggered***

Giving and giving and feeling numb in return. Shit I remember a time when I used to invent things, like several things a day. And in my old job people used to come to me with their problems and I would just solve them on the spot: I would dictate a comedy>
_________________________
"It's your world Dave, I'm just livin' in it"

- Harvey Pekar to David Letterman
(American Splendour)

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