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#14487 - 01/21/07 01:23 PM Am I really a Vigilante?
onefastbike Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 84
Loc: Toronto
I have had 3 of my posts deleted because they link back to eith my site, or a site that has a link to my site on it. I was told that this site does not support vigilanteism.
I hadn't considered myself that until it was put that way. I was just truly excited that for the first time in my life I felt free of the bonds of fear and self loathing. To me it felt VERY healthy and empowering to build a site to expose my perp to hsi friends, family, and peers. It also is a resource for all his other victims to get in touch and support each other. A few have already contaced me and it has been an amazing experience.
I does feel GREAT to think that my perp is feeling the SHAME that I felt for so many years.

In my excitement I only wanted to share this with others on the board. This all came about in the last 7 weeks. 7 weeks ago I was a diferent person living in fear of being exposed.
Through the support of THIS site I was given a voice and finally came out to my friends and family about the abuse. It was then that I got the ball rolling. I chose to "push back". When I found out that he is still offending I went off the deep end. He needed to be stopped. (but that is another story)

So I apologize for posting those links. In my excitment I forgot that not everyone here is in the same state of healing that I am. I do remember the mess that I was when i first came here for support.
I guess part of me was looking for a pat on the back, and another part of me wanted others to know what is possible with just a few key clicks.

I am here to support anyone who needs support. I am here to return what was given to me. Kindness and understanding. My intent was NEVER to cause anyone here harm.

I am going to step away from MS for a while. It is obvious that my presence is/could be disturbing to others seeking healing. Maybe once my issues are put to bed I will be able to contribute here in a healthy way.

My sincerest apologies to the Mods and members of MS.

Good luck on your road to healing. I hope you all find peace.

Much Love,

Ken

Quote:
A vigilante is someone who takes enforcement of law or moral code into their own hands. The term vigilante stems from the name "Vigiles Urbani" given to the nightwatchmen of Ancient Rome who were tasked with fighting fires and keeping a lookout for runaway slaves and burglars. In modern Western society, the term is frequently applied to those citizens who "take the law into their own hands," meting out "frontier justice" when they perceive that the actions of established authorities are insufficient. Vigilantism is sometimes vilified when it gives way to criminal behavior on the part of the vigilante.



_________________________
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever.

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#14488 - 01/21/07 02:50 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Hi Ken

I dont think you are a Vigilante. I have not read your past posts that have now being deleted.

I sometimes wish I could go out there a "clean" things up, But thats what why we have the law enforcemnet agencies to do it for us.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#14489 - 01/21/07 02:55 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
I dont think its permissable to post your own site on this one.
The mods have to check links, and sometimes I post links to sites that help.
Firstly I check the site does not contain anything that maybe seen as unsavoury.
I have asked mods to delete links that I have posted when I found after posting something unsavoury.
I never saw your link, so I cannot comment, ask the mods,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#14490 - 01/21/07 02:57 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i think for some ,fighting back at the abusers is the only way to stop being a victim. i dont see that exposing someone for what they are is being a vigilante .i think your doing the right thing

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#14491 - 01/21/07 03:45 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Ken,

I read your posts and went to the 2 sites you mentioned.

In my opinion, your posts were not appropriate for MS. This is a healing community, and this type of activism can be disruptive. I'm all for going after perps, but some of the guys here are at a bad stage in their recovery, and the kind of actions your site and the other site encourage could cause them damage.

And for what it is worth, I would also call your site and the other one "vigilante" sites. You are advocating hunting down and harassing people, which is illegal.

Ken, if you are REALLY serious about stopping child molesters, then get in touch with one of the guys here who are SERIOUSLY doing it, but doing it the right way by working WITH the system, not AGAINST it. Talk to Rik or Kirk, they have plenty of experience with public advocacy and I bet they have a lot of suggestions on how you can get involved in advocacy work. I know that there is a lot of work being done already in Canada, but I'm sure that the advocates would be very interested in meeting you. They need all the help they can get.

If you really want to help, stop with the vigilantism and start working with the people who are trying to make things better. You are obviously a man of dedication and skill, so try putting those gifts to good use. For example, I can think of no better person to talk to boys about sexual abuse than a former special forces soldier. They will admire you, which means they will listen to you.

Understand your gifts.

Nobby

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#14492 - 01/21/07 03:52 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
its not politicaly correct to fight back dude !we should find these perps and get them the help they need ! yeah right. god forbid that somebody should try to shine a light into the dark world where perps live. doing anything is better than doing nothing. if i track down a perps blog and get it removed is that harrasing ?is it illegal? does it feel good ? yes. we dont have to be victims forever do we?

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#14493 - 01/21/07 04:03 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
how can it be bad to make a stand ?to say not only am i not gonna be a victim anymore im gonna take back my self respect. seems like something very healing to me . isnt that why we are here?to face our fears and pasts and then not just say ok i was abused and just leave it at that?victims sit and wring their hands saying oh it was so bad survivors say yes it was bad and this is what im gonna do about it. i agree it might not be for everyone but it shouldnt be a bad thing ,i say anything short of a bullet is ok in the fight against abuse

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#14494 - 01/21/07 04:18 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
I "stopped being a victim" when my abuse stopped.

"Fighting back" is a good catch-all term, and for some meanings of it, it's not a bad thing. But that doesn't mean that absolutely ANY kind of proactive resistance is just fine. You pick your battles - and there are PLENTY of highly effective ways of taking a stand that don't involve you and a jail cell. So if your version of "taking a stand" is doing something that can get you arrested, all that means is that you're picking the -wrong- battles.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#14495 - 01/21/07 04:27 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
I partially agree. There are plenty of things worth getting arrested for, but in the case of rounding up child molesters, the police are on our side. There's no need to do anything that might result in us getting arrested. The best thing to do is to work with them, to help them do their job.

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#14496 - 01/21/07 04:44 PM Re: Am I really a Vigilante?
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
If I may address just one area....

There was a link to BoyChat. I've been to this site a number of times and developed an online relationship with two very public self-proclaimed "Boy Lovers" to better understand them for the purposes of educating my colleagues.

The site was infuriating to me at times and remember I am a professional who works extensively with sexual abusers. So, if they pissed me off, think what they could do to someone less "hardened" in listening to the rationalizations of this sorry crew!

Going after them, especially on their turf could be pretty upsetting and possibly damaging to a person working on his own recovery. Also, as we have seen in recent months, inviting them to come here to listen to the pain and hurt of survivors does not work. We had to firmly request a group of them to leave us alone a few months back.

I think the comments posted here about taking a positive approach to your healing is better than going after them, whether one calls it vigilanteism or not. I think it is a potential waste of valuable energy that could be applied to positive relationship building and healing.

I don't think you need to leave here, Ken. Take the positives you get from this community and save the energy for healing.

Ken


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