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#14477 - 05/03/03 10:03 AM This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
...to quote one of my brother wolves here ;\) .

So to liven things up a bit, I'm posting these, which I originally posted in the "Male Authority Figures" thread, here in a new thread for some humor; which BTW is an idea started a while back by another brother wolf who hasn't been around lately, whom I really miss, and whom I hope reads this.

Feel free to add your humor men. Laughter is good medicene and you can take all you want!

Supposedly... Taken from ACTUAL
FEDERAL EMPLOYEE JOB EVALUATION SHEETS:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." (Love that one!)

"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He doesn't have ulcers, he's a carrier."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a signpost."

"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"When his I.Q. reaches 50 we should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"A prime candidate for natural deselection."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

"One neuron short of a synapse."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."*

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."


I'll add a few I've heard & expanded over the years:

"His rent's due & the eviction notice is on the way."

"His elevator doesn't reach the top floor. Actually it's stuck between floors."

"The lights are on but nobody's home."

"He's one banana short of a bunch and one fruit short of a salad."

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#14478 - 05/03/03 10:38 AM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Sick Puppy Offline
Member

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
Hehe \:\)

I sure hope I'm not helping make this place "somber and morose." While I don't have a great sense of humor in the sense that I tell good jokes (my jokes are HORRIBLE!) I really do enjoy lighthearted and humorous things... like these. :p

_________________________
And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see


Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

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#14479 - 05/03/03 10:53 AM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Usel51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 11
Loc: Topeka, KS
Thanx Victor, This was great to start my day with.
Steve


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#14480 - 05/03/03 12:30 PM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
My apologies to anyone in advance who loves cows.

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes one and gives it to someone else

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you the milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, kills one and spills the milk in the sewage system.

CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. The government fines you for keeping 2 unlicensed animals in an apartment.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you 2 cows if you vote for them. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair 'Cowgate'.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. You feed them sheeps's brain and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

RUSSIAN DEMOCRACY You are still queuing for the first cow.

IRAQI DEMOCRACY: You cannot inspect the 2 cows.

MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY: The cows are now controlled from grazing and you are jailed for being unfit to rear cows.

JAPANESE DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. You give the milk for gangsters so they don't ask awkward questions about who you are giving the milk to.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then you execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 2 cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping 5 cows. The milk rights are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns 8 cows, with an option to purchase one more. Meanwhile, you kill the 2 cows because the feng shui is bad.


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#14481 - 05/03/03 12:38 PM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Dearest Victor... You should never have started this thread. Sometimes laughter is the ONLY thing that gets me through.

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity


1. At lunch, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

3. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'in'.

4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

5. Finish all your sentences with 'in accordance with the prophecy.'

6. Dont use any punctuation marks.

7. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

8. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.

9. Sing along at the opera.

10. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

11. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

12. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

13. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

14. When the money comes out the ATM, scream 'I won!', 'I won!' '3rd time this week!!!!!'

15. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling 'run for your lives, they're loose!!

Break the cycle here guys!


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#14482 - 05/03/03 06:50 PM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Vic'
after reading my employers annual assesment that you printed at the top of the page I was reminded of two things one of my old bosses said. He had been a coal miner before where humour seemed to be a way of life.

About a guy who attended an interview for a fitters job.
"he couldn't fit arseholes to teddy bears"

About one of my colleagues ( another fitter ) who'd just been caught doing something wrong - again.
"He's the reason barmaids eat their young"

Old Albert was the funniest man I ever knew.

Dave

\:D

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#14483 - 05/03/03 09:52 PM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Brother Wolves it is great to laugh. God knows we need more of it.

AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#14484 - 05/04/03 12:14 AM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Hehe \:\)

I sure hope I'm not helping make this place "somber and morose." While I don't have a great sense of humor in the sense that I tell good jokes (my jokes are HORRIBLE!) I really do enjoy lighthearted and humorous things... like these. :p
Josh, enjoying humorous things is what being humorous is all about!


Steve, glad you enjoyed it. Right now I'm trying to do lots of laughing to keep from going crazy!
Watched this utterly ridiculous to the point of hilarious movie on TV today called "8 Heads in a Duffel Bag"! Plus checkin out all this humor stuff here. Laughter is great medicene.

Marc, that stuff is a blast! Thanks!

Dave, it's people like "Uncle Albert" that keep me going!

Mike, Wile Coyote is close enuf to a wolf to me, and he is good for lots of laffs!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#14485 - 05/06/03 06:35 PM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
JonathanKhonsu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 72
Loc: PA
I'm really not good at telling jokes. \:\( I just got done changing a post I posted. I had been writing a poem in the poetry secion and a seperat poem for a collection thing. I was spose to sign the one poem under the alius Catalus Khonsu. I signed it Jonathan and I signed the one here Catalus Khonsu (Cat is my nickname there). :p I found this ironic with all the wolf talk. EEEK. \:D

_________________________
"Ave atque Vale"

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#14486 - 05/07/03 12:22 AM Re: This Place Is Too "Somber and Morose"...
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Johnathan,



That happens a lot here and we sometimes call it among other things a brain fart.

Speaking for myself, it's incredible how much gas resides in the human brain!

TC & TTYL fellow survivor

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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