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#144210 - 03/06/07 10:05 AM Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!!
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Hello everyone,

I'm grateful to be in this community. I started my recovery about 2 months ago and I'm very thankful to find out I'm not alone and that I have brothers and sisters out there who can help carry the burden and the pain. I just finished the weekend retreat in Four Springs and I just wanted a chance to get in touch with my brothers again because I miss you all very much. Thank you all for being a part of my recovery. This is Jay by the way and first of all I'd like to say hi to my group members: Gary, AJ, Ryan, Gordon, John, Gabe, and Ed. We bared our souls and felt each other's pain. I'm very honored to be a part of your recoveries I hope to see you all very soon. Thank you all for making me feel welcome and letting me know that I belong. Although I was emotionally and physically exhausted yesterday, I couldn't go to bed without writing down all of my brothers' names for fear I might forget you all. To Randy and Richard in SF, let me know what I can do to help you get started on starting a support group up there. Dale, thank you for the wonderful poem, the energy rock you found for me, and the spirit bracelet. I still don't know what you saw in me to prompt you to be so giving towards me. John (WalkingSouth), thank you for everything. Our lives are parallel in so many levels it's uncanny. I love you. Little Darryl, thank you for letting me see the wonder and joy of your inner child. Keep referring to yourself as Little Darryl (I'm sorry if I spelled your name wrong)!! John (with the hat), thank you for taking the initiative to come up and connect with me. You surprised me when you greeted me in my native tongue. Patrick, I hope you and your Burmese kittens made it home safely. Spence, thank you for being my partner in the Shame Busting session and entertaining us at the campfire with your drumming skills. Brian (from Las Vegas), I'm sorry I missed your performance on the ivory Friday night. I hope I get a chance to see you perform one day. Chris, your talent is phenomenal! Your poem, sculpting, and drum skills were awesome! Brian (Cedar Rapids), thank you for opening up to me and sharing with me some of your secret shame. I wish we had more time to talk because we have so much in common. Steve, thank you for being a challenging roomie. Although we had our moments, I'm glad I got you instead of Wes. Hi Wes, thank you for letting me see your gentle and tender side. Even though it was a brief glimpse, I know in my heart you are a good person. To Art (Mr. Fabulous!) thank you for that playful scene you had with David at the Shame Busting session. Hi David! I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to connect. That goes to all the others who I didn't get the honor to know. Tom, sorry I mistook you for Dale. Queenie Darrell, hope to see you in LA for Sunday night's support group. Joseph, I know I may be stepping over the line here, but I hope you embrace your softer side. You are a wonderful person & I love you just the way you are. Wayne, I heard your struggles with your definition of how to incorporate and reconcile the masculine and feminine. May you also find the Greatest Love of all; learning to love yourself. Just know I'm in the same boat with you. Dwayne, thank you for taking a part my sculpting, you portrayed my innocence perfectly. Richard from Baston! Your Patriots suck! My Chargers are going to rock next season! By the by, I love your accent. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to butt heads over football. Finally, to Jason. I'm sorry you had to leave early my brother. I hope you know I'm thinking of you and that you're not alone. Anyways, I hope I didn't forget anyone. If I did or if I misspelled any names, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart and my inner child to all of yours, "BYE GUYS! SEE YOU SOON!"




Edited by ModTeam (03/10/07 03:43 AM)
_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#144213 - 03/06/07 10:24 AM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: GentleSoul]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
J,

Thank you for letting me be your innocence. It had a profound effect on me as the weekend went on, and revealed to me yet another area I need to work on. Your presence at the weekend in itself was remarkable, and I never failed to ponder the lesson you taught me each time I saw you during the weekend.

Little D says, "Hi," and wants to know when we can set up a play date! \:\)

Take care, bro.



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#144215 - 03/06/07 10:40 AM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: Dewey2k]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
Jay,

When I envision you in my mind's eye, I recall the strength you possess. Thank you for sharing yourself deeply over the weekend. Your courage in creating your sculpture was amazing.

It is an honor to have your warm wishes as part of my support. I will hold my rock and send my love and support your way, my friend.

Regarding the Chargers...I'm in need of a pro football team to root for. The Niners are too elite and blue blood for me, The Raiders are scary thugs. I've been following Jacksonville because my old college QB play WR, but they are a continent away (and in the bible belt...) Maybe I will hop on the lightening bolt bandwagon!

With love and respect,
Randy

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

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#144235 - 03/06/07 12:37 PM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: Rabbit]
Rambler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: Planet Earth
Salamat!

J,

I am sorry we didn't get a chance to talk more. But........ You are going to have to put up with me at some of the L.A. meetings. I have a long drive to make them as well, but it will be plenty worth it.

I am sooooo happy to see that you signed on to the boards. We all have so much to share that will be such a great benefit to each other.

And if you want to watch a real sport, watch the NBA.

Go Lakers!



Pareko


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#144253 - 03/06/07 02:23 PM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! *DELETED* [Re: Dewey2k]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Post deleted by GentleSoul

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

Top
#144254 - 03/06/07 02:42 PM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: GentleSoul]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
The bear is "Little D"... not to be confused with Derdlecar's "little D". ;\)

J, Little D says he'll check his schedule. LOL


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#144279 - 03/06/07 07:02 PM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: Dewey2k]
philobat Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/31/07
Posts: 293
Loc: California
Hey Li'l d! I love your new avatar!

Much love,

D


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#144323 - 03/06/07 11:45 PM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: philobat]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Jay,

Thanks so much for that heartfelt tribute to the weekend and those who were there. Very moving.

You deserve all good things, little bro, and remember, you were made to be beautiful (see my sig line below), and beauty is what each of us saw when you allowed us to look inside.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#144377 - 03/07/07 01:00 PM Re: Calling all Four Season retreat brothers!! [Re: WalkingSouth]
philobat Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/31/07
Posts: 293
Loc: California
Jay-

It was awesome to see your miraculous transformation! What a change! Who knew it would be like that! I sure as shit didn't!

btw, you are queenier than me! LOL!

Darrell


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#144412 - 03/07/07 08:03 PM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: GentleSoul]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Jay,

I enjoyed getting to know you so much over just a couple of days. Thank you for listening to me as I for some reason felt comfortable sharing things with you that I didn't even share with my group. Somehow I just felt a deep connection with you and am glad that I did. You are a wonderful soul that I hope to spend time with agian sometime, anytime.

Dale


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#145047 - 03/12/07 05:47 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: Elad 12]
peacefulhealing Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/20/04
Posts: 9
Hello Hello Hello Friends,

I've been here all along I just didn't know it. Thank you to all who made Four Springs possible! To all the brave souls who met there...

Brian (the one on the ivory keys)


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#145053 - 03/12/07 07:09 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: peacefulhealing]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Jay,

Thank you so much for all your support and compliments. It was an honor to be a part of your journey as you brought your strength and unique sensitivities to mine.

Hey Brian,

Welcome. It's good to see you here my friend.

_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#145056 - 03/12/07 08:03 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: tartugas]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
Brian,

Welcome Brian. Been waiting to see if you showed up. It was great getting to know and laugh with you.

Dale


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#145068 - 03/12/07 09:39 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: Elad 12]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
It's good to see you here, Brian. You made an impression on me with your own unique view of the world. Thank you for the gift given through your talent- it touched me deeply.

It was an honor and privilege to have met you.

Take care of yourself, Brian.


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#145081 - 03/12/07 01:27 PM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: Dewey2k]
BrightStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/06/07
Posts: 5
you brought music to the weekend. i am glad we are on this journey together.


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#145359 - 03/14/07 01:33 PM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: BrightStar]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
Hi, Brian.

Great to see your post and have the opportunity to recall your spirit.

I've been hanging around more lately. Some days are great, others are really tough, but that is the nature of the water and the wave. Rise, fall. In, out.

Thanks for reminding me of you!

Randy

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

Top
#145378 - 03/14/07 04:20 PM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: Rabbit]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Brian.. glad to see you are here! I recieved the CD's I ordered from your site (one short, seems I cleaned them out). You are an inspiration to me, and your music is beautiful!

GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#145424 - 03/14/07 09:09 PM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: GWsurvives]
philobat Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/31/07
Posts: 293
Loc: California
Hey brian!

I am going to order a cd off your website!


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#145445 - 03/14/07 11:35 PM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: philobat]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
How did I miss this awesome thread???? Jay, you really were an inspiration to me and thanks so very much for starting the awesome thread

Love ya my brother
Little Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#145456 - 03/15/07 12:21 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: Derdlecar]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Hey Brian,

So glad to see you here, and to think, you've been here all along!

Lots of love,

John (the one with my brother Darrel and my other brother Darrell)

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#145459 - 03/15/07 12:26 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: GentleSoul]
patrick0711 Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/10/07
Posts: 2
Loc: St Louis MO area
Hello Jay,
This is Patrick. My kittens are just doing great. They are a real source of joy. I have been thinking a lot about the retreat and meeting all of you. It is such a blessing to know I am not alone. I feel apprehensive about the recovery process here in the St Louis area as there are not any therapist or support groups to continue on this journey at the pace and feeling of support and connections as I felt @ 4 Springs. I guess I am going to have to start a support group here myself. Any suggestions. I miss you and all the group. I wish you the best and have thought of all of you a lot. Last weekend was the greatest experience of my life and I need everyones help by staying in touch. Blessing to all of you.
Patrick


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#145734 - 03/17/07 01:50 AM Re: Calling all Four Springs retreat brothers!! [Re: patrick0711]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Patrick,

It's good to see you here as well. Don't let the energy from Napa from get away. Build on it. Keep looking, there must be a therapist in your area. It doesn't have to be one that is only for male CSA victims. Mine isn't.. we are learning together. They have to start somewhere, too. Just find one you are comfortable with.

Take good care,

GW

_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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