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#143812 - 03/02/07 09:11 PM The meanings of our "pen names"
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I'm just wondering if y'all care to explain some of your interesting pen names, why you chose them or what they mean. Mine of course is self-explanatory, but some of you have very unusual pen names, as if of another language or something. Tartugas...outis...and the like.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#143814 - 03/02/07 09:16 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
nobby nobbs is a character from the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nobby_Nobbs

_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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#143815 - 03/02/07 09:34 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Brokenhearted,

"outis" comes from the Odyssey. It's what Odysseus claimed as his name when he fooled the Cyclops, Polyphemus. My favorite translation of the Odyssey renders it as "Noman" and my sig for the first few years I was here was

Quote:
"Cyclops, do you ask me my name? Well, I will tell you, and you shall give me the stranger's due, as you promised. Noman is my name; Noman is what mother and father call me and all my friends." -- The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

A few months after I wrote to the police about the last perp I changed to the sig line I have now. That's what Odysseus said back at home, just before he cast off the rags that disguised him as a beggar.

I had no avatar until a couple weeks ago, which I felt was ok, for an "outis." This new avatar fits with "outis" nicely as well. I took the picture in the woods behind my house.

Thanks,

Joe


_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#143841 - 03/02/07 11:32 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: outis]
selene Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/06
Posts: 221
Loc: midwest
... in greek mythology, selene is a full moon goddess ... part of a triple goddess aspect with artemis (waxing crescent moon) and hecate (waning moon) ... selene was the daughter of hyperion and theia and one of the deities of light during the dynasty of the titans ...

hugs,
selene

_________________________
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery from The Little Prince

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#143886 - 03/03/07 04:25 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: selene]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
sabata....from a old weatern movie...back in the days when you had to be tough to surive...and a gun decided a lot


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#143888 - 03/03/07 07:13 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: sabata]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
BH,

What a totally cool thread! \:\) I wish I had something profound to add, but, well, Trish is just my name

ROCK ON..........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#143898 - 03/03/07 08:54 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Trish4850]
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Very cool thread!


Beccy is the name I always used to use in games as a child. I was always 'Beccy'.....seems funny now I think about!


peace
beccy


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#143899 - 03/03/07 08:58 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Trish4850]
sweet-n-sour Offline
Member

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Life can be "sweet" and life can be "sour." There are moments it can be both at the same time and I'm often perplexed by the irony of it all.

_________________________
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007

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#143902 - 03/03/07 09:34 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: sweet-n-sour]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Initials. Sorry, I'm not very original. :-)

_________________________
Eddie

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#143909 - 03/03/07 10:13 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: EGL]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
as a kid i was attached to my brother yeah like his shadow thats what they called me shadowkid

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#143920 - 03/03/07 12:20 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: shadowkid]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I'm into military history and strategy and war games focusing on the Second World War, and Paul Huaser was a the only German General (that I know of) that defied one of Hitler's explicit orders to not retreat, after being cut off and surrounded by the Russians and was not removed from command, court marshaled, or executed. As a General, he led on the front lines and was wounded twice in battle. He had guts! (Even though he fought for an evil and twisted regime).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Hausser#WWII

He was a key leader in the largest tank battle in history.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kursk#Operation_Zitadelle

Ok enough history for today heh.

Hey anybody up for a game of Close Combat 3?


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#143925 - 03/03/07 01:24 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Hauser]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3379
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
TJ jeff

seems like a pretty normal pen name - but it holds deep significance to me

Yes - Jeff is my real name - but... - you'll notice that in my pen name it is not capitalized - it's a small j to signify the kid I once was - the kid still inside of me... - TJ is my initials reversed - to signify the boy who grew into a man (capitals next to uncapitalized - it's visualization thing) so backwards of the way life should of been...

Hauser - I'm always up for a game \:\)

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#143930 - 03/03/07 03:38 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: TJ jeff]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11138
Loc: Denver, CO
I spent eight years of my childhood in Texas, then my family moved to Colorado in 1978. Mine is a bit of a misnomer, in that if a person is from there, how can they be former-there? So I don't claim to be a Texan, yet after the move this one kid in school took to calling me Tex. Another aspect of the "Former" part of the name is the ugly past I was leaving behind in Texas.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#143932 - 03/03/07 04:19 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: EGL]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
No originality in my name, just faith,

ste


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#143945 - 03/03/07 07:03 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
lostandfound Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/01/07
Posts: 148
Loc: Singularity
Brokehearted,

Mine is from cosmology. The singularity is (gravitational singularity) roughly a reference to a black hole. It is were quantities become infinite. Once light crosses the event horizon and into the singularity the gravity becomes so strong that visible light cannot escape. That's where I always imagine myself existing. In a place where gravity is crushing me and no one can see what is happening to me.

Now that I read what I've just written it sounds pretty sad. But there you have it.

Oh yea, the lost and found part. Steven Hawking and some other notable cosmologists have debated whether or not particle information is lost after it crosses the event horizon. Without boring everyone, the debate seems to go from information lost to information found. It's called the information paradox. This probably makes no sense, but I just really like black holes.

-lost



Edited by lostandfound (03/11/07 06:38 AM)
_________________________
"I'm not suppose to be like this, but it's okay!" -REM

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#143946 - 03/03/07 07:05 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: shadowkid]
RD Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 5
Loc: Missouri
Hey EGL! There is nothing wrong with using your initials for a penname.

RWH


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#143955 - 03/03/07 08:54 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: RD]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
AK because my first name is Andrei, and because my nickname in my family growing up was 'karova' (which means 'cow') because I was a fat baby. Even grown up and not fat, my sisters still call me 'karova' as much as my real name. So I was going to register here as 'Andreikarova' and I could not register. We gone through the web person at the time, because it would not let me register at all. He must of think that is my real name, because he register me as 'ak' instead.

Andrei


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#143956 - 03/03/07 09:16 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
BelievesIn143 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 3
Brokenhearted,

My pen name "BelievesIn143" comes from a lifelong friend I have that used to write me and a group of our friends letters all the time and sign them 143, standing for I Love You (1 letter, 4 letters, 3 letters). She is very creative and we always thought it was really cool.

It took me several months of reading everyone's posts to register for the site. When I finally got the nerve, using this name just seemed like the thing to do. Also, I still believe in love and that these 3 words can conquer all, if the people saying them really mean it and put actions behind them.

Thanks for posting this question. I've wondered the same thing.
B143


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#143966 - 03/04/07 12:23 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: BelievesIn143]
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
"Healing Inside" says enough for it self.

Sometimes i need to remind myself of that fact though

My avitar is two things, my love for cats and the cats positon it how i hold my teddy bear as i go to sleep every night.



_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#144081 - 03/05/07 05:17 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: shadowkid]
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london
Bubbles are colourful and fun ..... and that's what I am when I'm not stressing
SB xxx

_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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#144102 - 03/05/07 09:48 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: soapy bubbles]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
In high school, some of the guys who picked on me started calling me "Dewey". Their tone of voice made the nickname an insult. My baseball coaches picked up on it and started using the name as well, but without the condemnation that came from my peers. As a result, I took the nickname from my coaches because it became linked to something I love, and because I honored and respected my coaches.

2k comes from trying to register "Dewey" as an e-mail address. It had already been taken, so I added 2k for the year 2000, and it worked.

-Dewey2k


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#144115 - 03/05/07 01:38 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Dewey2k]
Cooljule Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/06
Posts: 69
Loc: New Jersey
CoolJule came from a friend name Spike when i was 7th or 8th grade, he was about 6yrs older than me..he was a tough street kid(cool was my outside demeaner, inside i had no feelings and jule short for Julian (*wow brings up things)spike died in prison

Julian



Edited by Cooljule (03/16/07 03:46 PM)
_________________________
Come heal with me

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#144118 - 03/05/07 02:15 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Cooljule]
pietie Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/23/07
Posts: 326
Loc: South Africa
Everybody refers to Tom, Dick and Harry. The South African equivalant is Pietie Jannie & Kosie. I guess i wanted to dissapear in the crowd.

_________________________
Not Perfect, just forgiven

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#144156 - 03/05/07 08:10 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Aidanchase Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 83
Loc: Vancouver, BC
Its not unique at all, It is my first and middle name. When I turned 19 I legaly changed both of them to the current names.

the old names were chosen and spelt specialy by her...

To be honest I picked them from babynames.com

Aidan is the number one name for newborns in 2005 i think it was... It come from a Saint I think it was and it means firey

Chase is another name from the same site.. i just like how it sounds like chasing a goal i guess... it all sounds really dumb.. but on any chat thing I usualy use Aidan or ACS or AidanChase all based of my new name.

Oh and the picture because a few people have mentioned it... its not just an avatar its a very special picture... its actually got my brother in it its a picture taken before my family broke.. making that little boy me.



Edited by Aidanchase (03/05/07 08:12 PM)

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#144363 - 03/07/07 10:05 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: shadowkid]
DeafDavid Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/17/06
Posts: 38
Loc: NM
My name is David and I'm deaf. The whole reason I say it up front is that my Dad (and perp) always hated that I am deaf and tried to keep anyone from knowing about it. I am now trying just to be proud of who I am but that is difficult.


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#144394 - 03/07/07 04:26 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: shadowkid]
GWsurvives Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/07
Posts: 251
Loc: Atlanta, and here, among othe...
Mine is just my initials.. but my Penquin is how I feel here. If you saw March of the Penquins, the part where they are all huddled together, keeping each other safe from the storm. Also, I posted "Shards of Glass" in the poetry section. It has been very powerful for me. There is a reference to "learning how to dance". Hence.. a dancing penquin.

Take good care.



Edited by GWsurvives (03/09/07 03:06 AM)
_________________________
"Some times there just aren't enough rocks" Forrest Gump

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#144400 - 03/07/07 05:56 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: GWsurvives]
Rambler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: Planet Earth
Mine is from the make of cars I once collected and tinkered on. They were kind of the orphan (American Motors) and not one of the 'BIG 3'(Chevrolet, Chrysler, Ford). I also tend to talk alot when I choose to and am allowed to.


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#144402 - 03/07/07 06:26 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Rambler]
tartugas Offline
Board Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/11/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
tartugas is an rather obscure spelling of tortugas, the spanish word for turtle

Shortly after realizing the effect my abuse had on me, my "kid" told me that he thought I was a turtle. The more I reflected on it, the more it seemed totally appropriate. I have a hard external shell (living in my head, shutting out all my emotions, keeping my distance from people) that protects me from getting hurt. And whenver I feel threatened by life I withdraw into it.

The spelling of the name is catalan. I chose the more obscure version for two reasons. One I thought it sounded cooler. And two, I can be pretty damn obscure at times.

(I also kind of like the memory of that old cartoon of the tortise who beats the hare, helps remind me that living fast doesn't always mean I'll win the race. But living intelligently and with determination always wins)



Edited by tartugas (03/07/07 06:36 PM)
_________________________
"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

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#144407 - 03/07/07 07:28 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: tartugas]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
MemoryVault just came to me. I guess I was feeling a lot like a bank vault that my family stored its secrets in. But vaults can open, too. It's a heavy door, and a strong and secure place inside.


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#144450 - 03/08/07 12:04 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: DeafDavid]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
hmmm... This is a nice topic to bring up every few months.

WalkingSouth... it began on a very cold winter day a few years back when for whatever reason I was pretty much forced to work out in the weather all day instead of in my nice cozy office. By the time the day was over I figured I'd be heading south to a warmer climate even if I had to walk to get there. I think that night at home I had to pick out a username or some such for something I was doing at the time on the www, so I picked WalkingSouth.

Later on when I began my recovery and found the MS site it became more of a symbolic name in that I'm still heading for warmer places figuratively speaking even if it's a long slow journey symbolized by walking.

Lots of Love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#145659 - 03/16/07 03:45 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" *DELETED* [Re: Rambler]
Cooljule Offline
Member

Registered: 08/10/06
Posts: 69
Loc: New Jersey
Post deleted by Cooljule

_________________________
Come heal with me

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#145678 - 03/16/07 06:02 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Cooljule]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
I enjoy these threads!! ScottyTodd comes from two sources. "Scotty" was the pet name my grandparents had for my dad. I found it out on a post card they sent him during WWII. My dad was always very distant, never there and wasn't much but he was my dad. He is deceased so that's my way of being as close as I can to him - now that I understand more. It was sad but I really like Scotty for a nickname.

"Todd" is a long story...I believe my family name is really Todd but my grandfather changed it - why? When? How? who knows. My family was not one to talk of the past (forbidden)!!!!!. It was his family birth name. I felt it was a way to legitimize and repair my family history.

Wah-Lah!! ScottyTodd was born.

My avitar is curious. When I came here I felt free, innocent and playful like a baby...vulnerable, ready to share and be myself! I feel like I'm looking back at you through some little window, saying "Hello dar!" in a friendly way!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#146160 - 03/19/07 10:47 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: ScottyTodd]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi guys, I go by lostcowboy. How did it start, when I was in the navy in Coco beach FL, I bought this teeshirt called the lost cowboy. It had a cowboy on a horse in the middle of a pasture carrying a surf board, and he was asking these people if they knew the way to Coco beach.
When I got out of the navy, I got a job driving a truck. Of course I had to have a CB handle, and I thought of Lostcowboy. Cowboy, as I am from Texas, and Lost as I kept getting lost. When I became disabled and had all this time on my hands, I found the internet, and Lostcowboy just fits me.

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#146181 - 03/20/07 12:42 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: lostcowboy]
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Morning Star, well it just came to me, one morning when I thought of longing in. Just like a Morning Star would.

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#332581 - 05/30/10 08:52 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Aidanchase]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Someone mentionned bringing up this thread every so often so I thought Why not?!

Pattycakes is what my b/f calls me. He almost never adresses people by their names, including his parents, and him giving me this name reminds me of how much he loves me.

He doesn't know it but he could probably get away with anything as long as he calls me that !! This name is a constant reminder of how much I mean to him.

There are a few other nicknames that we give eachother but this one is special because it is the closest to my real name. It means the world to me. So does he.

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332583 - 05/30/10 09:00 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Pattycakes]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
I wanna add in to this topic. Even though mine is probably extremely obvious, it's my first name. Well my kid name I used to go by Charlie, still do occasionally, trying to figure out if I like Charles or Charlie better.

And the number comes from how old I was at the time of joined. Hard to believe it's been almost 2 years since I joined.

Love learning about people's names here, Pattycakes, thanks for bumping up this topic.

Charlie


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#332586 - 05/30/10 09:18 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Charlie24]
Julia Offline


Registered: 11/05/08
Posts: 59
Julia is my grandmother's name. Not that I get a vote but.... I really like, Charlie.


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#332587 - 05/30/10 09:19 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Charlie24]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
Hey Charlie!

I was afraid to be the only one curious so thanks for joining the thread.

And kudos for the upcoming 2-year anniversary!!

Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332591 - 05/30/10 09:43 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Pattycakes]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Geeders...

Derived from the Ukrainian, with a hard "G" (people have been asking me for ever grin ) for Guido. Meaning Old man. A name (Petname??) from my wife. It got turned into Geeders by a close friend, also named Jim. Just to confuse the issue... whistle

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#332606 - 05/30/10 10:37 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Geeders]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Well, my name is kinda obvious what it means. I omitted a couple of letters to be unique. It was a thought at the time. Nothing too special but a reminder to me that I hope it never happens again. Now for some reason I have always had people nickname me growing up. My favorite nickname was "kins" in high school. It brings back mostly good memories.

Andy.


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#332607 - 05/30/10 10:50 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nevragan]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 825
Loc: Ohio
My own was a nickname I picked up while at probably the lowest time in my life, 7th & 8th grade. The nickname was brought up by a freckled, round face with brown hair which bore a resemblance to Catfish Hunter. It stuck because, for whatever reason, my sweat stinks badly and my mother didn't have the money to buy new shirts as often as necessary, I hated taking baths (I now know why, it wasn't a safe time when I was younger) and didn't use deodorant. I smelled like a catfish. Everybody hated me, I was worthless to them and was humiliated often. The nickname symbolized how worthless I truly felt. 86 stands for 1986. Although it was the year I graduated high school, it was also the year I accepted Christ and was born again. I found a new group of friends who didn't like me because I was crazy and funny to get drunk, that they could use me and had a knack for "obtaining things". They really like me for me. It was a group of sincere christians who realy didn't care about the things that I had done, Christ forgives and they allowed me to be a whole new me. It was the first steps in learning to connect with people and trust others. Truly, before 1986, I sincerely would rather not be alive. So for me, I truly was born into a new world. That ugly duckling finally was seen for who he is, not what was done to him.



Edited by catfish86 (05/30/10 10:53 PM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#332608 - 05/30/10 10:57 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nevragan]
caesar14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: Patterson, North Carolina
I really am glad you reopened this thread Pattycakes.

My name, "caesar" is also my cats name. 14 is my number in life. I named my cat that because he is like an emporor, assertive and territorial. I would like to say I am also assertive, but I can definitely say I am territorial. lol
Anyway, it makes me laugh when people here say "hail caesar". Makes me feel good. wink Its nice to have a little fun here once in a while, as so much we discuss is so serious. Thanks again Pattycakes. And if I had a vote, I would say "Charlie".

Gary

_________________________
caesar14
"The innocence you spoiled has found a way to live"
Things I have to say (triggers)

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#332612 - 05/31/10 12:44 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: caesar14]
Kiev Offline


Registered: 05/25/10
Posts: 24
Loc: Georgia, USA, Ukraine
Kiev is for Kiev, Ukraine. My birth place. Only it was part of the Soviet Union back then.


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#332618 - 05/31/10 01:47 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Kiev]
nicked Offline


Registered: 10/13/09
Posts: 2
Loc: Ohio
I chose "nicked" to be a little more creative with my "nick-name."

Something that is "nicked" is a little beat-up and damaged, but still mostly good, and not completely broken.

I also like the connection to British slang where "nicked" is "stolen" since I definitely had things stolen from me.

I don't mind if you guys shorten it back down to Nick in chat.

My avatar is a "liger" a cross between a lion and a tiger- not clearly one thing or another, but sort of in-between. That sort of describes me. I also liked that they were both fierce animals- not the sort anyone would want to mess with.

Nick


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#332626 - 05/31/10 07:45 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nicked]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1372
Loc: kansas
mine, i would think, is fairly simple... obi, short for obiwan kenobi of the star wars movies...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#332627 - 05/31/10 08:17 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Obi]
Pattycakes Offline


Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 109
Loc: Canada
ha! Another StarWars fan!
Celebration V is in Orlando in August.
I'm going!

Pattycakes

_________________________
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.-Mother Theresa




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#332628 - 05/31/10 08:22 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nevragan]
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
It means "voice of a woman" + 3 x "life" in Hebrew...

: )

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#332650 - 05/31/10 02:39 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: kolisha54]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Well, I use my real name plus i add my nickname (Irishmoose) from my 23 years in the Air Force.
My Irishmoose nickname that i had picked up in the Air Force was because my nose was broken as a baby, plus my ears kinda stick out, and someone thought that i looked like a moose, and being that i'm of Irish decent i just put the two together. As the old saying goes and the rest is history.

Heal well my brothers, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

The reason i use my right name is because, my abusers had already taken my body, my innocense, my being, my heart & soul.

So, the only thing that i had left was my name. and i proudly use it.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#333148 - 06/06/10 10:25 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nevragan]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
Mine is my actual first name and the age I first told someone of my CSA. I'm 56 now...
-Alan


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#333154 - 06/06/10 11:21 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: alan55]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
"pufferfish" is just a very interesting fish. I enjoy having a few fish in a tank but I don't have a "pufferfish". I used to have a list of potential online names and passwords for when I go into a website. When I came to MS a few years ago, the next name up was "pufferfish" so how about that?

pufferfish whistle

Allen


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#333248 - 06/08/10 06:47 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: pufferfish]
Lenz Offline


Registered: 04/23/10
Posts: 61
Loc: San Francisco
Lenz is a troubled German playwright, a contemporary of Goethe, who heard voices, and wrote on little pieces of paper that he kept in stacks. Georg Buchner wrote a "prose fragment" about this afflicted playwright, detailing, in first person, Lenz's schizoid journey into a small village where he sought to be treated by a Pastor Oberlin.

Pastor Oberlin heard the voice of God. Lenz found this very natural as he heard the voices of children, and other unknown forces. The two men had an agreeable friendship, and saw many things in common, but ultimately the pastor could not help Lenz. After he had some trouble trying to resurrect a young girl who had died in a neighboring village, Lenz was bound by ropes and brought back to Berlin in a carriage.

Pais,
Travis



Edited by Lenz (06/08/10 07:04 AM)

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#333333 - 06/08/10 11:56 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nevragan]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
I adopted mine going a weekend intensive caled New WArrior Training Adventure. It speaks to the deepest parts of who I am and where I've been.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#333339 - 06/09/10 02:10 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Lenz]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Lenz
Lenz is a troubled German playwright,... heard voices, and wrote on little pieces of paper that he kept in stacks. Georg Buchner wrote a "prose fragment" about this afflicted playwright, detailing, in first person, Lenz's schizoid journey into a small village where he sought to be treated by a Pastor Oberlin.

Pastor Oberlin heard the voice of God. Lenz found this very natural as he heard the voices of children, and other unknown forces.


The de>

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#333542 - 06/12/10 05:53 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: nevragan]
pandora Offline


Registered: 09/26/09
Posts: 15
At the time, all I could think of is I've opened "Pandora's box" since it was totally locked until the truth was uncovered. I had to "tell" my husband what had happened. He had totally blocked it out. Mind shock. We're working our way thru it, since the truth has been uncovered. I was surprised no one else had claimed the name.

Wow.


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#333544 - 06/12/10 07:10 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: pandora]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
It's funny - no one has ever asked me why my user name is "TheBobcatAgain". Everyone just calls me Bobcat, or a nickname - I have a myriad of nicknames, including Kitty, TBA, BC, Catman, Mr. Bobcat, Stumpie (because bobcats have stumps for tails), and many more, including a few that I would be a little embarrassed to post here. lol

Anyway, I hung out with a group of teaching assistants in college, and I was very close with them. I told them once that I had gone by the nickname of The Bobcat in my earlier days, and they quickly adopted it. "Bobcat" was so much a part of me, I would be bewildered if someone referred to me as Bob or Robert. So, when the teaching assistants abandoned me, I vowed that I would never make friends again. "Bobcat" died on that day.

When I discovered this site, I only wanted to participate in a WoR, so I didn't register right away. But as I leafed through a few posts, I came to like some of the guys whose posts I had read, even though I'd never met them. Their feelings of brotherhood were very evident, and part of me still longed for the chance to be really close to guys who could understand me.

So when I submitted a user name, I decided I would give being "Bobcat" one more try, to see if I could resurrect that caring and playful feline persona I once knew. Hence, I became, "The Bobcat"...Again.


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#333953 - 06/17/10 11:32 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
Wow bobcat, that's really an amazin story.

I'm afraid my own name is not nearly so interesting.

Back when I was 18, I was writing a fan novelization of a game to appear on a friends' website. I had this rather odd idea that putting out even your first name on the www was not a good thing, so called myself after the main character of a story I was writing at the time about an assassin in a post apocalyptic world called Dark.

I actually quite liked him as a character, he was very small, threw knives, was sarcastic and at the same time quite insicure. In fact, about the only astounding thing in the story was the idea that the older dark would interject with comments on his younger self's doings, ---- usually with a lot of bitterness and sarcasm.

So, for a long while on the web I was dark.

Then, of course I found online games and forums where the name was already taken, so dark needed a last name for which I chose my favourite character traite, ---- that of empathy.

I've actually been dark so long online it's very much like a second name to me, the name I do my work for making computer games acessible under, in fact I've even had people I've talked to on skype who refer to me as dark.

Coming here though, I've actually gone through a miner reversal, sinse after a while I wanted people to be closer to me even than using my alternative name, ---- dark, close as that name is to mine.

Which is why i often sign my posts with my actual name, ---- Luke.


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#349892 - 01/06/11 06:10 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: WalkingSouth]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline


Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 113
Loc: Quebec-Canada
Strange as I took my nickname. I was 7 0r 8 years old at school, friends were fighting a bit. One of them, I still remember is name Marcel said thanks for helping me out and he said I had lost of "espoir". Growing up friends wen I talk whit them wen they were sad or upset or bad I use to try to share " espoir". I still do in my own way.

So here guys,

Une vie d'espoir means Life of hope

Love you all

Jean-Pierre


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#349924 - 01/06/11 02:54 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: une.vie.d.espoir]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 362
I used to make a lot of money and my H's friends/co-workers would ask him "where can I get a sugarbaby like that?"


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#349981 - 01/06/11 10:29 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: sugarbaby]
TwoStep Offline


Registered: 01/02/11
Posts: 31
Great thread. So many interesting stories, so much thoughtfulness.

Me, I am a big city Yankee who found everything she didn't know she wanted and needed in small town Southwest about 6 years ago. If you would've told me 7 years ago that two-steppin' on a Friday night would be my idea of a good time...

Country dancing represents my joy at finding the life I want to have, better late than never...and finding the love of my life. Thus...TwoStep.

Now, put a couple of beers in me and I even start to twang. wink


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#350243 - 01/10/11 06:11 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
goodbyehorses Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/10/10
Posts: 26
Loc: Northern California
Horses is a metaphor for your 5 senses, like "Hold your Horses". "Goodbye Horses" was a song written in the 80's. I first heard the song during a very painful time in my life and pictured myself flying over a field of horses and leaving behind the pain of the world. Today it signifies leaving behind my old life, for a life of recovery, letting go of the pain in my mind, and coming to an enlightened state of serenity.


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#350259 - 01/10/11 10:25 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: goodbyehorses]
Darkheart Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
Mine comes from the name of my last pet, a black labrador ...i found him in a garbage bag in the ditch and rescued him...

Like me, he had a lot of darkness hidden in his heart...he never barked or growled, just as i rarely yell or raise my voice ...

I spent years trying to get him to play tug of war or roughouse, but he wouldn't ...just like his owner, his spirit was broken...

When he was big enough to walk on his own, i took him to the backyard and just lay in the grass...he put his paws on my heart and sort of cocked his head at me. That was when i named him Darkheart.

He lived with me many years, but got sick and had to be put down frown right after that, i started using it as a pen name for myself...

_________________________
My Story...

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8711#Post348711

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#350300 - 01/10/11 07:18 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Darkheart]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
I guess mine's pretty self-explanatory. I'm here because I have hope for him and if I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be here to learn to be a better supporter (and to take care of myself, of course).


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#350735 - 01/14/11 01:43 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: shadowkid]
iwanttocry Offline


Registered: 01/13/11
Posts: 23
mine is self explanatory also...
I want to cry for myself
I want to cry for what my husband has gone through
I want to cry for all the pain survivors feel
I want to cry because I'm scared to death for my kids with such evil monsters lurking on this earth
I want to cry...because I can't cry in real life because I'm always the bubbly, happy, life of the party girl who everyone thinks is happy 24/7. No one knows of what I'm going through...
except maybe you guys.


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#350850 - 01/15/11 12:16 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: iwanttocry]
oriolesguy Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 108
Loc: Long Island, NY
I guess mine is self-explanatory.... to a point.
I've always been a jock and a sports junkie, although I have a habit of picking underdogs (and in recent years you can't get any more underdog than the Baltimore Orioles.) I've always been able to talk sports, and I think part of the reason is that it was a good mask for me to hide behind. If I could talk/play sports, then I didn't have to face all the other stuff that made me hurt inside.....so most sports came easy for me, although the natural interest for athletics was always there.

Even though I live in NY now, Baltimore's where I was schooled and all that. And I also joined here during baseball season, so the Orioles thing came naturally......
and so here I am.





Edited by oriolesguy (01/15/11 12:19 PM)

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#350857 - 01/15/11 01:37 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: oriolesguy]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
And here is the source of my name...

Quote:
Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
. If this be error and upon me proved,
. I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Love and abuse make marks on our lives,
For good and ill,
That cannot be removed.
Condemning and redeeming,
each in their turn.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#350875 - 01/15/11 07:16 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
WalkTheWalk Offline


Registered: 03/06/10
Posts: 57
Loc: Wisconsin
I have enjoyed reading this thread...

My name came to me as a mental de>


Edited by WalkTheWalk (01/15/11 09:04 PM)
_________________________
- The pain of our past can have influence in molding a better person than we might have been otherwise.

- Sometimes boys with a thousand nightmares become men with a million blessings.

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#351060 - 01/17/11 05:09 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: WalkTheWalk]
bluefairy Offline


Registered: 04/04/09
Posts: 52
My name was inspired from the avatar I had on my msn for a long time and when I was signing up on here, it was a blue butterfly, but it reminded me of bluefairy, which sounded nice, which then reminded me of bluefairy form A.I (Artificial intelligence) - which I thought was a good film. I thought Bluefairy was a symbol of hope in the film, and I like that, I wanted to be there for him and be supportive.

_________________________
There will always be a place for you in my heart

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#351065 - 01/17/11 05:45 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: bluefairy]
wayne9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 161
Loc: alabama
When I was a kid I thought my name was boring "Tim". I would wish it was Wayne which was the name of the man who was the BoyScout leader in the area where I lived. I admired him. Wayne itself would not be accepted when I applied for it here on MS so I added my favorite number "9".



Edited by wayne9 (01/17/11 05:46 PM)

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#351072 - 01/17/11 06:36 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: wayne9]
mrwhiskers Offline


Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 193
When I was younger I rescued a White Winged Dove, it fell from the nest and its parents didnt pick him up from the floor so I adopted him ( not sure if it was a he or a She), mr whiskers became my only friend for a while , i know birds dont have whiskers but i swear it smiled and move his face like moving whiskers, so i named him mr.whiskers, i truly loved that dove,

_________________________
"Dont be scared... angels r here" Maria Fernanda (Mafer)

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#425555 - 02/17/13 10:48 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
wearytraveler Offline


Registered: 01/12/13
Posts: 49
Loc: Left Site- no longer member
Many see my name and think I am an old guy - I am 23 years old and in college - the day that I signed on to this site a month ago I had been tired of being on this road thinking about it in my head. I felt like a weary traveler.

The other thing is I love travel and going places and I love that it can wear you out - love checking into a hotel in a foreign city where you have seen so much your tired. I love seeing things that help you understand the world around you even though it can wear you out learning. Sometimes its a good tired.

Josh
_________________________
I have left this site and am no longer a member to those who I met while here I wish you well I no longer reside in my own past but have moved on and facing what is now and what is ahead. My past no longer defines me, and it does not effect the course of who I am and my future.

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#425563 - 02/17/13 12:30 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
jay75 Offline


Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 145
I thought this would be a good thread to resurrect.

My "pen name" Jay ( disregard the 75) comes from a nickname my stepfather used to call me. "Jay bird" as he refered to me, was a name he called me as a kid. He said my demeanor reminded him of a blue jay, very aggressive and jealous. lol. As a teenager running the streets when asked my name I always said it was Jay. Today I look back and see that I was neither aggressive or a jealous person, but it stuck.

-Jay-
_________________________
"Those are not your sins" A wise man

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#425564 - 02/17/13 12:44 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1045
When I started recovery in 2004, the first thing I said to my first T was, "I wasn't abused but I have symptoms of someone that was." It took me a long time to come to terms with the possibility that I *was* abused but don't remember it.

I then narrowed down the time frame of when it must have happened (5 to 7 y/o), and then determined a suspect, but still no memory.

When I became aware of MS in 2004/2005, and I was reading the survivor stories and introductions, I felt inadequate to be here because I felt like less of a survivor because I lacked a story to go along with my pain. Then I read a post where someone said that there was "no hierarchy of abuse," that one person's abuse wasn't "worse" than another's. Something in that clicked for me, and I took my lack of memory as my badge of honor.

So when I registered, I chose as my screen name, cant_remember. And now that's who I am here.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#425567 - 02/17/13 01:39 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Candu Offline


Registered: 06/30/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Canada
I first registered with my first name. Things were difficult for me at the time and I didn't care about anonymity. But when I tried to post I couldn't because I felt too exposed. So I had to come up with something and it took a while. I was I wanted nothing negative sounding. I wanted something easy to search for with Google. (that's another story) So I came up with Candu because I can do this. (recovery) It took a month before I was able to get the name changed.

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#425593 - 02/17/13 03:49 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: wearytraveler]
caesar14 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/13/10
Posts: 70
Loc: Patterson, North Carolina
I love it....welcome to MS Josh.
_________________________
caesar14
"The innocence you spoiled has found a way to live"
Things I have to say (triggers)

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#425619 - 02/17/13 08:15 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3491
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Josh & all -

i too am a traveler. i second what you said about the sense of adventure and the excitement of discovery and learning.

i've lived at over 30 addresses in 7 states, 6 countries and 4 continents. i have visited over 30 countries and have a hard time staying too long in one place. don't really have a home town - and don't like revisiting some of the places i've lived - for obvious reasons. i guess i've been searching for something - and also trying to escape something. at this point in life - i know that much of my journey has been internal as well as external. still some distance to go - but i'm getting closer.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#425623 - 02/17/13 09:05 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 417
Mine is supposed to represent optimism. Hope and that is good. When I came here, I didn't have much hope.
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#425631 - 02/17/13 10:51 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 916
Loc: New York
Soccer was one of the few sports I was ever good at, the only one I was recognized for being good at, and it was during a soccer game that I not just defended myself but actually beat up and scared off one of the school bullies who had been tormenting me for years - and got away with it because it was "cloaked" by the game.

When I first signed up here I was plunging through a breakdown, flashing back in horror, alien and different and desperate, on the verge of doing something very bad and very final.

I tried to think of the most powerful and victorious moment from my youth. I needed to find something from my past that wasn't the memory of me being attacked - something that had a young me fighting back, being strong, winning. This was it.

Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#425695 - 02/18/13 12:15 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Whome

I came up with the name when i joined the site having just watched the Oprah show, wow it feel like an age ago.
Well WhoMe is the fact that I had denied that I had been abused even to myself for so long, and when I asked myself if I had been abused, I would say to myself Who Me?

How things have changed in what is actually such a short time.

Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#425696 - 02/18/13 12:35 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
fvn Offline


Registered: 01/21/13
Posts: 4
It's my initials. I couldn't think of something catchy.

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#425860 - 02/19/13 03:39 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 262
Loc: us
HD is a nickname that my friends call me.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#425861 - 02/19/13 04:15 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3617
Loc: South-East Europe
Cool topic wink
I've used my pseudonym (Pero Peric) usually when I'm on line. It could be translated into English like Mr. Nobody. It is a real but very funny sounding name in my native language. I've used this identity to reach some porn web pages; I'm shameful because of this but I've accepted my past and my shameful side. Now I'm using this name just for healing purpose it keeps me somehow focused on my recovery.

Here is other similar topic where we wrote about our nicks and avatars in similar manner. It seems like good idea to connect these two threads wink

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=372432#Post372432

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#425912 - 02/20/13 03:21 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
i came here after my daughter told me my husband/ her father abused her. then i did what mothers do and stopped the abuse, reported the perp. then he turned out as a victim of insane abuses in the childhood. my daughter didnt want him in jail and the other kids as well. i was in a place where i thought i would be confused for a lifetime.
_________________________
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end

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#426187 - 02/22/13 08:41 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
WontGiveUp Offline


Registered: 02/12/13
Posts: 7
Mine is pretty self explanitory too. :-) However, I chose it because I signed up right after I found out about my DH's abuse. See, I WAS at the point of giving up. We could not get any further in our relationship. I was making appointments with divorce lawyers and preparing myself to separate from the man I love. And then he came home from his counseling appointment, he sat down with me and told me about what happened to him. He had remembered a few days before that and he had no idea what to do. The reason we could not get anywhere with our work on our relationship is because we were putting bandaids on the wound with out treating it. At that moment - I decided from here on out, I would not give up on him, on us and on a happy future. SO - here I am with hope that we will live a good happy life.

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#426191 - 02/22/13 09:42 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 744
Loc: Southeast USA
Suwanee can be spelled with one 'n' or two. As a Native American word, It is possibly a Timucuan description meaning "crooked black water." This is a good description since the rivers on the coastal plain in this part of the country are often the color of strong tea. The color is caused by decaying plant matter. It's clean, but dark. The darkness is accentuated by the bright white sand bars along the river.

It is both the name of a town in Georgia and the famous river (as in "...way down upon the Suwannee River...") that flows from Georgia, into Florida and on to the Gulf of Mexico.

I've canoed the river many times over the years, so it is a special place to me that reminds me of good times.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#426263 - 02/23/13 05:57 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
If you stand perfectly Still, he won't hear you.

Still here.

Still hear.

Still hurt.

Still there?

perfectly Still.

Still crazy after all these years.

You Still here?
_________________________
You are using 118 of the 300 allowed characters.

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#426400 - 02/25/13 09:46 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Benthebeaver Offline


Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 12
Loc: Germany
a few months ago, I found a storybook called "Ben the beaver" in my letterbox with a note in it "for Ben, to say thank you. Found it on a flea market, thought you'd like it." I'm still trying to find out who put it in my letterbox, but it absolutely made my day.
It's about a beaver who wants to cross a big, wild river and finally manages to do so, because he doesn't give up.. kind of felt good to take it as a nickname for this.
_________________________
If we're not entirely ourselves, truly in this present moment, we'll miss everything.

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#428314 - 03/17/13 05:59 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 09:39 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#428420 - 03/19/13 04:57 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
I grew up on a farm and looked a lot like my avatar when I was first abused. Except I had blonde hair. It reminds me of the innocence I lost.

My dad was a farmer and I was a farmer's boy.

13 years ago I married a farmer (my beautiful wife) and became her boy.

3 years ago I gave up my job as a Graphic Designer to work with her on our own dairy farm so now I am a real farmer boy.

I ride motor bikes, horses, drive tractors, plough paddocks, fix fences, milk cows, pull calves - the whole deal.

I am a real farmer....and I am a boy.

.....although sense coming here I am starting to feel like a man.
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

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#428753 - 03/22/13 09:30 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Taurus Offline


Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 13
Taurus is my zodiac sign.

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#429032 - 03/25/13 06:05 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Gretta was my most loyal sweet dog. I loved her like she was my child.

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#445796 - 08/28/13 10:28 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 601
A lot of people told me when they first saw my "pen name" that 'husky' meant 'bulky'; and that 'concerned_husky' meant I was concerned with my bulkiness. I'm as skinny as a twig.

I chose 'concerned_husky' because I was concerned for others, and I liked huskies. I still am, and I still like huskies smile
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.

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#445797 - 08/28/13 10:48 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 151
Loc: Chicago
I own a restaurant where the name of my place ends with "Cafe." So I became CafeMan. Some people thought I owned a coffee house, but I own a full service family style casual restaurant.

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#445822 - 08/29/13 03:11 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Onesimus means "useful". It's a reminder that I'm not useless/damaged goods. A reminder I need sometimes.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#446657 - 09/08/13 01:35 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Adam A Gedman, or A damAged man
It's unfortunately how I see myself.

Maybe it should be
M A Nunderr Epair, or Man Under Repair.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#446708 - 09/09/13 08:39 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 786
Loc: michigan
all my life I isolated and felt I had to do this thing alone. when I finally decided that my way was never going to work I knew I would have to allow some people in to me that was all NEW GROUND
it is still a struggle but I am moving forward... seems like this ground is pretty muddy lol
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#446709 - 09/09/13 09:07 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Amandla Offline


Registered: 08/18/13
Posts: 6
Loc: South Africa Soweto
Mine is in IsiZulu it means power (Amandla)
_________________________
Be Strong and Smile.

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#446715 - 09/09/13 10:08 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
HopeDiesLast Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 62
Hope dies last. But when it's dead, what then?

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#446792 - 09/10/13 07:42 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
"Jude" is a reference to the jews of the Holocaust, in which half of the world's jews were systematiclly killed. I liken this to the current level of sexual abuse of children, 1 in 6 boys; 1 in 4 girls. Equally horrifying numbers.
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#455701 - 12/01/13 11:53 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: goodbyehorses]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline


Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 113
Loc: Quebec-Canada
Thank you goodbyehorses for sharing this thought, it relief me.

Jean-Pierre

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#455742 - 12/01/13 08:28 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Susava Offline


Registered: 07/17/10
Posts: 11
Loc: Mississippi, USA
Susava... The first two letters of my name first two letters of my husbands name and the first two letters of our last name.
So my husband is being hugged by me.
_________________________
Susava

"Believe in someone, trust yourself."

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#455743 - 12/01/13 08:50 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: HopeDiesLast]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 729
Loc: United States
That's easy, hope never dies.

-efm
_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#455817 - 12/03/13 07:43 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
tbkkfile Online   content


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 267
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Mine was a typo, I'm a computer programmer and the first file extension that I created for a bit of software that I wrote was .tbk, signing in I accidentally entered tbkkfile - Doh!!!
_________________________
To look up and not down,
To look forward and not back,
To look out and not in

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#456647 - 12/11/13 11:29 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
HRB Offline


Registered: 11/13/13
Posts: 6
My dog's initials. I guess she makes me feel safe to ask questions on this board. smile (see "Non-human buffer" post)

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#456692 - 12/12/13 03:10 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Valkyrie Offline


Registered: 04/27/12
Posts: 167
Aside from choosing who lives and dies in battle and transporting their bodies to Valhalla, Valkyries are also the lovers of heroes.

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#456703 - 12/12/13 07:46 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3430
Loc: O Kanada
my name is a symbol for the dual nature of my identity.

although i have changed my signature to better represent my current stage of recovery.



i "was" a victim. (thesis)
i "will" be victor. (antithesis)
i "am" a survivor. (synthesis)
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#456864 - 12/15/13 07:45 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
GenusSalix Offline


Registered: 12/12/13
Posts: 5
Loc: Australia
Salix is the willow tree species, I thought is sounded nice and willows are beautful! smile

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#456871 - 12/15/13 10:05 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: GenusSalix]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I like that weeping willow, GenusSalix.

Puffer

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#457264 - 12/23/13 08:15 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: HopeDiesLast]
une.vie.d.espoir Offline


Registered: 12/06/10
Posts: 113
Loc: Quebec-Canada
Hi,

Real sorry to barge in on you. My name is Jean-Pierre and would like and need to say to you Hope dies last,
" Hope dies last. But when it's dead, what then? “

Also my nickname is ( Une vie d’espoir ) as you can see. I am french speacking and it translate in english its ( A life of hope ).

To answer your question, when hope dies what is left is YOURSELF. And believe me YOURSELF is were you started building who you actually are.

As for Chrismas, yes you will be by yourself you and your husband, but on that day your husband and you will be in my thought and heart, I will pray and which you two all sort of good stuff on that day.

Take care

Jp

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#469005 - 08/16/14 03:19 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3430
Loc: O Kanada
i'd like to hear from some of the new arrivals.

would you care or dare to share
the story behind your pseudonym?
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#469009 - 08/16/14 05:36 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
lostc Offline


Registered: 08/12/14
Posts: 41
I thought lostcause would be fitting, but it seemed too dramatic and I dislike attention seekers so I just did it as lostc.

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#469060 - 08/17/14 12:40 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 262
Loc: us
It's my nickname. HD or Hilda is what my friend's call me
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#469226 - 08/21/14 03:02 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Judith Offline


Registered: 05/08/14
Posts: 23
Loc: USA
I have always wanted to know what the names meanings are.

Judith

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#469229 - 08/21/14 04:06 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
NoSimpleMachine Offline


Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 152
Loc: SF Bay Area
No Simple Machine is the name of a song by The Old 97's, an alt-country/texas bar rock sorta band that has been kicking around for 20 years now and I really like. I have a youtube video of a live performance in my signature (not the greatest quality recording, but I really loved the energy of the performance). The song is sung to a woman who is too bright and too good for the shitty men in the world who are trying to own her and take her, and the artist is telling her...you're too good to just be seen as your sex or gender. You are "no simple machine".

Would like to think it resonates with me and my CSA and accepting my orientation for pretty obvious reasons. A lot of the lyrics relate directly to how I can frame a positive relationship with my abuser, particularly stuff like "he mighta had you, but he never had you" and "he tried to break you but he didn't realize you are no simple machine".

He said "Can I buy you a drink?"
What he meant was, "Can I buy you?"
Yeah his eyes were pits of despair
But his accent recalled the bayou
Oh, and women go crazy for guys who talk funny
And men who treat them mean
Aw, but you deserve better than that, my friend
You are no simple machine

You're not a girl who is easily swayed
By a quick-witted, sure-footed dancer
Yeah, your heart is as large as your great big brain
And sometimes there is no answer
You had your eyes closed, and he saw you comin'
His good side's the one side you'd seen
Aw, but he tried to break you
He didn't realize
You are no simple machine

Just give me one night
To wipe the slate clean
Yeah, It's gonna take all night
You are no simple machine

He said, "Who's this fool on your arm?"
And I said, "Let me at him"
Oh, his bell begs to get rung
And his nose begs get flattened
Ah, you kept your composure
I'll give you credit
You led me away from that scene
He mighta had you, but he never had you
You are no simple machine

Just give me one night
To wipe the slate clean
Yeah, It's gonna take all night
Aw, 'cause you are no simple machine

Just give me one night
To wipe the slate clean
Yeah, it's gonna take all night
'Cause you are no simple machine

Aw yeah, you are no simple machine
That's right


Edited by NoSimpleMachine (08/21/14 04:15 PM)
_________________________
If I know only one thing it's that everything that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak
Yeah I'm tongue-tied and dizzy and I can't keep it to myself
What good is it to sing Helplessness Blues, why should I wait for anyone else?

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#469247 - 08/22/14 02:03 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 270
Loc: Europe
When I started facing the abuse, teh thing that worried me most was not remembering all of it. There was one incident particularly where I just block out. (Now that I think about it, if there is any one incident where the memory gaps are pretty obvious to fill in, it is this one, but, still I thought that if I didn't remember exactly what he did, I couldn't be sure I was abused.)

So my first goal, and probably longest standing one, in recovery, was to remember. I wanted to remember it all so that I would KNOW.

I've pretty much given up on that. I'm not sure it's possible, and I'm pretty sure if it happened I would then wish I could forget.

I've thought of changing my pen name, though I doubt it's possible. And maybe "learning2remember" includes learning to accept what I remember and not need more.
_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

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#469249 - 08/22/14 03:43 AM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3491
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: traveler
Josh & all -

i too am a traveler. i second what you said about the sense of adventure and the excitement of discovery and learning.

i've lived at over 30 addresses in 7 states, 6 countries and 4 continents. i have visited over 30 countries and have a hard time staying too long in one place. don't really have a home town - and don't like revisiting some of the places i've lived - for obvious reasons. i guess i've been searching for something - and also trying to escape something. at this point in life - i know that much of my journey has been internal as well as external. still some distance to go - but i'm getting closer.

Lee


as of this month, make that 7 countries and 5 continents where i've lived.

i have a T-shirt with these words on it:
"Happiness is not found in the destination, but in the journey."
i am not sure what the destination is, but i am having a progressively better journey!

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#469262 - 08/22/14 01:21 PM Re: The meanings of our "pen names" [Re: Brokenhearted]
Ocellaris Offline


Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 22
Loc: New York
Ocellaris is a species of clownfish. "Nemo" from the popular animated movie is an ocellaris clownfish. I originally chose the name because I keep a saltwater fish tank and the ocellaris clownfish was one of the first ones I kept. But I also chose the name because this is arguably the most exploited species of fish in the aquarium trade. And like an aquarium fish, I often feel like I live my life isolated from others. It is like I live in a glass box -- they observe me; I observe them. But that's usually about it.
_________________________
That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.
-- Stephen King, "The Body" (from Different Seasons)

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