I joined this group now and I did because I need help. I think I can find help here.

mtz,

Welcome. I am glad you found this site. There are some wonderful guys here that can help. Post what you can and don't feel pressured to disclose what your are not comfortable disclosing.

Please know that your are in good company.

-lost

Yes, mtz, welcome, I'll just add my greeting to l and f's above.
Make yourself at home. This is probably the best club house you could find. There are guys here who will understand what you're talking about...no explanations necessary. There's probably more than a couple of us who've felt or been through similar circumstances. Like others have said in past greetings to new members..."Sorry that you had to go looking for a place like this, but we're glad you're here."

David

Welcome mtz, well all come here under different circumstances, but for the same reasons.

Mtz, Welcome. This site is wonderful. You will meet some truly wonderful people on here. This is a very safe place.

Take care,

Philobat

MTZ, welcome to the site. You found a good thing.

Hi MTZ, glad you found a place to get help, look forward to hearing more from you,


ste

Mtz,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor. I am sure you'll find support here. I hope you take advantage of it.

Take care.

Welcome Mtz,

We're all here for the same reason and the people here have helped me a lot. Hopefully the same will happen for you.

Welcome!!!

Hal

Hey MTZ,

I'm kinda new here (one month-ish). I have found tremendous healing here in that short period of time. Welcome!!!!

All I can say as a fairly new-bee...take your time in understanding how this site can fit into your life. I'll tell you that many of these fellow survivors have worked absolute wonders for me.

Robbie

Mtz,

This is a great place to get help. As you can see, we have a wonderful bunch of people here.

Another great source of help for a lot of us is working with a therapist or counselor. If you're not ready to do that, then you're not ready. It does seem to be something that most of us eventually do. Speaking for myself, the help from my T (and at one time, from a separate marriage counselor who is a psychologist) has been a lifesaver.

Take a look around. Read some of what we've written here. Above all else, remember that the shame of CSA belongs to the perp, not the child. And you are not alone.

Thanks,

Joe

Mtz Welcome.....Sorry you had the need to be here....this is a great place....has helped me figure a lot out...and a ton of support.......take your time.....please be strong for yourself.........steve

hi mtz welcome to the family shadow

Welcome to MS MTZ

take your time and search around the site - there is an amazing amount of helpful info to be found here - and there are tons of good people here - you are not alone...

TJ jeff

TY , I need help with one topic fast because I can't lose my job and I'm having problems at my job. I have to deal with the public and I'm ok most of the time but when I have to talk to any males I start shaking and sweating and I forget what Im talking about I cant think clear and if I keep doing this I know I will get fired and I dont know how to make myself concentrate on the job, and I dont want to get fired. Is there anything I can do, I cant control it and I know it happens but I cant stop it.

MTZ,

I can relate. Though I don't have the severity you have I have a problem with male conversation. It seems to be worse when I have known the person for while.

Here's what I've done to get me through though I've been doing it most of my life as defense. First I don't look anyone directly in the eye. I focus on the bridge of their nose or right below their eye socket. This sounds weird I know. Also, I try not to get myself to the point where I feel panic. To do that I don't think of the guy as person, but rather a computer. I'm an IT manager. When I'm dealing with an employee or a male client they are not human, but a computer. A computer can't hurt or judge me. Therefore, feelings and insecurties never have a chance to take hold.

Keep in mind that this isn't healthy. But it is just how I cope on the job. I've been dealing with this crap for a short time it is getting more difficult to get through. I would recommend seeing a therapist. It has done tremdenous things for me so far. I am also on anti-anxiety medication because of the depression and panic attacks that I have been experiencing. After three weeks I'm feeling noticably better.

Panic attacks suck, but you can control them. Sometimes you need help to get you over the hump. You will get through this. The first thing you have to do is attend to yourself. Know that talking and posting can help. We are here to listen to you. This is truely a safe place. IT WILL GET BETTER.


Take care of yourself. You are very special and loved.

Blessings
-lost

MTZ,

Similar problem here too, as my perps were the "jock-type," I can't be around that type. Not so easy in the biz world. I deal with all types and have had a really hard time with any adult ex-jocks (college football stars, etc) or current jocks. Even talking with some of the non-jock types has been a challenge too. I'll be doing a sales pitch with the highest level of exec and end up having flashbacks while they ask me questions. Some of me can hear the question...some of me is in "flashback-land." It happens a LTOT lately...a whole lot.

I have found the same thing as Lost...don't look them in the eye once the trouble within you begins. I use documents on the desk that I've just given them. I'll refer to them (the documents), point to them, stare at them..but never look at the guy in the eye.

I hope that helps...I hope Lost ir right...that it does get better. I've not seen that yet.

Rob

Yesterday at work when I got those feelings again , I didnt look at the customer I kept looking at the product and I kept thinking they were a character in one of my computer games. I was shakey again but this time I could talk without blanking out. You said it wasnt healthy Lost but it helped so I dont care if its not healthy thanks Lost and Robbie. Therapy didnt help me when I was younger it didnt change anything,I was a ghost kid an empty nothing and I am still a ghost and empty and nothing, I work and play computer games thats my life.

I am glad you are finding some techniques to help address the fear issue you mentioned. Another one that helped me in a similar situation is to picture that person putting their pants on, one leg at a time in the morning, just like I do. Or, to know that who ever that person is, they have issues, they have fears and they have doubts, just like me. They are not all-knowing or all powerful, just a person like me.

One last thought and that is to become very knowledgeable about the products and services your company offers. Knowledge is power and by being an expert on what you do will help offset any perceived notion that they are better than you. Just treat them like you would want to be treated and as you continue to work on these issues, you can get past this place.

Barney

Welcome to MS, MTZ. I'm glad you found this place. It has been a tremendous help to me.

As to your question about how to deal with interracting with male customers, I think a key to that is to recognize that you are in no real danger with them. Realistically, what could they do? Yes, anyone could jump you and hurt you, but how likely is that? How often do you read in the paper about a customer who assaults an employee of a company? Practically never? I'm not dismissing your fears, they are very real. But as to the present, we have to re-learn how to think about present dangers in order to live in the here and now and not be captive to the past.

Welcome MTZ! I'm new here too. I have problems relating to males at work as well. Sometimes I go into a sort of trance and feel frozen... it sucks, but i've tried the techniques others have pointed out here and they work to a certain extent. I'm glad you found this site. It's been very helpful to me. Hang in there! -Darren

MTZ,

I’m glad you got to post about a specific issue after your first, brief, hello, post. And I’m glad you’ve found the advice of some help. You certainly don’t want to get fired!

I hear you on your previous attempts at therapy when you were younger. I’d like to offer up three thoughts and reasons to perhaps reconsider trying this again.

1. Many years seems to have passed since last time. For many survivors therapy is not always too successful if it occurs too closely to the actual abuse.
2. I don’t know about your last therapist but I do know it is crucial to see a therapist who specialises in male childhood sexual abuse. If you did do that last time, then there are good ones, not so good ones and great ones. Try again!
3. I don’t think you’d disagree that this is affecting your life big time and you don’t want to go on living this way, so what have you got to lose an trying again with another therapist?

That’s my gentle “sell job” on the T thing anyway. There’s also books of course and I read quite a few of those before I plucked up the courage to seek out a T myself and I know many guys here that don’t see a T at all and the books help greatly anyway. Each to their own.

Whatever you do, stick around here and keep posting MTZ. We’re here for you and we understand.

Hi, MTZ

I'm new here, too. With me it's more male authorities in the office - I get scared to talk to them, or I get super-friendly and agreeable, even when there's a problem.

One thing that's helped is when I tried to put the fear into words --

Is it "this guy's going to hurt me"?
Is it "This guy needs something from me, and that feels creepy"?
Is it "I feel like I'm a kid and what am I doing talking to all these grown-ups"?
Maybe there aren't any thoughts at all--it's just your body reacting.

Do you know what triggers the feeling? Something the customer says or does? Does it ever not happen?

BTW, I am totally ambivalent about therapy, too, and am going the do-it-myself route for a while, too.

Ditto.....Mv.....On Authority figures....Boy I Have Had My Problems At Work With This One....My Anger Gets out of Hand.....I To See People as Adults...Grown ups....Crazey...I Feel Like i Am Not on The Same Level....Lesser Steve

Welcome here, it's a good site.
Take your time!
No need to rush things.

Alexander