I am 57 and was raped by my older brother from age 9 to 12 and have been in therapy for 18 months and this is something I am dealing with now in the Courage to Heal by Laura Davis when I heard myself say it was MY LIFE that was taken all I could do was cry. Thanks.

My sanity was stolen . My right to a nornal life is gone

I wanted to be eloquent. I wanted to say it the best, but in the end I could only cry, and agree, and thank each of you for saying it so well . . . so excruciatingly, horribly well. God, it sucks sometimes to be a survivor.

Namaste,
Legendre

That which was stolen from me.

Who I really am.

For years, upon years, and in countless interactions with thousands of people in my life I was who you made me become. A person I did not know, but you made me this way.

Confused and upset, disoriented as to which way was up. You made me this way.

Afraid, and at times scared. Foolish, and too trusting. Betrayed, forgotten and discarded. Like yesterdays garbage. You made me this way.

You were the adult. I was the kid. I wasn't ready to be an adult. You made me this way.

Now as an adult, having spent so many years not knowing who I was, I have rediscovered who I am. And I will protect who I am, and what I have become from ever being abused again.

If you met me now, you wouldn't recognise me. Why?
Because I am no longer the way you made me. No longer a victim that you can use, and abuse.

I am a survivor, no thanks to you.
I am resilient and strong. I will take this rocky road to recovery and arrive at my destination fulfilled and sustained.
No thanks to you.

I will prevail over all the hardships you have placed in my way. I will emerge victorious, with my fist raised high in the air declaring my right to be who I really am! Who am I?

I am free of You!

Jim
Ps. Gawd! That felt good!

it really hurts to read this thread. i read every single one of them, and it's all so true. why did you have to remind me? i thought i was ok, but this just dredges it all up again. it never really goes away. what a pathetic situation.

i am not in a good place these days.

Sorry to dredge it up. Being a new guy here I saw the thread. And you know what? No one ever asked me that question before, and it felt damn good to answer it!

S.L. I know that you are not aiming your feelings at me personally, so please don't feel bad about what I said or what you said. Like others have said in other posts, perhaps everything here should have a trigger warning. But that would eventually mean nothing to anyone. Its like when a particular smell, or a piece of music starts the floodgates. It happens, and we have no other choice but to cave to the negative feelings, or take hold of them and say its only a smell, its only a piece of music to most people. It will be the same for me. I am no longer going to be held hostage by free elements in my environment. I know its hard. I'm struggling with it myself. But, I know I will prevail. I HAVE to!

This thread was recently resurrected from 2-3 years ago. I think its a good one for us new guys. Its giving us permission, perhaps for the first time in our lives, to answer that most horrible and previously unasked qustion. I'm just sorry it took me 35+ years to read it and answer it. Maybe others will not have to wait so long.

Pax vobiscum.
Jim

jim, i didn't mean to have an apology or a retraction or anything. but i appreciate your sensitivity.

i probably read this 5 years ago when i first came here, and forgot about it.

it is very powerful to reread from the ivory tower i have built for myself today.

i needed to read it. and i need to mark it as one of my watched posts so i don't let it slip so far into the background ever again.

the onion keep revealing new layers, and i am learning that that never ends.

why else would we cling to the forum and each other even after so many years of recovery and dealing with these issues. they do not go away. they just fade underground until they find an opportunity to jump out at you without warning.

i really would like to thank you for finding it.this is a built in mechanism for testing our mettle here on this website. for this reason i don't necessarily everything should be labeled with a trigger warning....that is just me. i welcome opportunities to confront my own deceit.

your brother in recovery,

ron

S.L wrote : why else would we cling to the forum and each other even after so many years of recovery and dealing with these issues. they do not go away. they just fade underground until they find an opportunity to jump out at you without warning.


I cannot imagine, right now being without the MS board. Its simply, not in my vocabulary. Not possible if I am to continue in my recovery. I need this place, warts and all.

I've got lots of warts. And you?

I know I am not perfect. Where are my brothers?

Jim

Bump, for the new guys!

.