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#14284 - 02/18/04 10:55 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
would like to here from the new guys here on this for my work at the capital this year. Thanks Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#14285 - 02/18/04 11:49 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Ah, Muldoon, I wish I had seen this thread earlier. But what could I add that hasn't been already said?

But, yes, in my words, what I've lost:

A large chunk of my life, which was repressed until recently.

The ability to trust freely.

The ability to love truly.

My self-esteem.

My sexuality.

My ability to cope.

Sex in general.

Trust in myself.

Trust to anyone with children who knows about my situation.

Inner peace.

Everything.

But I'm trying to get it back.

Thanks for letting me say this.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#14286 - 02/18/04 12:13 PM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
Some of you guys know that I have been really depressed lately. I am pretty much used to that having been in and out of really serious depression for 30 years but lately I have been trying to get to the bottom of it, challenge it, hear what the negative voices in my head are really saying. Journaling helps me see it.

While writing this morning it occurred to me that one of the background beliefs I have is that I survived by accident, that I wasn't really "meant" to survive, that I just slipped by, and that my reason for being alive was lost or taken away a long long time ago.

Perhaps the central thing I have to do in rebuilding my life is to take back that thing, that reason for being alive which is like saying taking back my life which includes just about everything Scot listed.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#14287 - 02/18/04 02:48 PM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
what have they stole from me? my childhood. any resemblence of having a life. self-respect. any feeling of selfworth. the ability to have a relationship. the ability to make love without working at it.

THEY STOLE ME.

who am i, what am i, when will i be me, where has the innerchild in me gone, what is to become of me, how am i going to trust???????

THEY STOLE ME.

Now I am taking it all back.

it's not theirs to take. it never was. those are mine, all mine. it is not greedy to want them all back, to demand them all back. they are mine, and mine alone, to share with whom i chose, when i choose. and i don't choose them.

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#14288 - 02/19/04 05:15 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I think I was stolen from myself. Everything I am capable of becoming, or could have, should have been by now. The person I was meant to be, the person my soul was put on this earth to become, if this shit had not happen. My life was stolen from me. The life of some decent and clean, innocent child, with the loving parents, the happy younger brother, the family that goes out together to the park or something, and the father will push the boys on the swings, or help them build in the sand, because he actualy love them. My mind was stolen, as it has split off into others that I do not know, and have no control over. My image of myself, my feelings of adequacy of myself, my feelings of sexuality, my feelings of confidence, my feelings of belonging in the universe, those have been taken from me. And also, with what was stolen from me, it was stolen from others also. I feel very much like the abuse continues, because it has so much influence on how I am with others, even people I love so desperately. It effects my trust of others, how much I can trust, and even how often, because it can come and go away again. It effects my trust of myself with people, and make me push them away sometime, when what I want most is them closer. It has stolen myself, my life, my relationships, my confidence, my trust, my intelligence even. I think an easier question to answer would be what was not stolen from us. Answer is nothing. It all was taken or tainted.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#14289 - 02/19/04 02:59 PM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
THere is so much that has been stolen from me, the list could go on forever. But a few things, my perps stole my childhood, I see my 3 and 5 year old nephews now, and wonder how could a person hurt a child like that, and I see what exactly was stolen form me in regards to my childhood.

Also, in a way, I was stolen from myself, I will never know the person I could have been if not for the abuse, and that eats at me every day. My perps stole my very identity, they stole my life, my life has not been mine, it has always belonged to them, and in a way it still does beloing to my perps because of everything I am still going through.

My ability to have a healthy realationship up to this point has been stolen, I mean I am 20 years old and have never had a girlfriend, because of fear, because of the abuse I was forced to endure.

THere are just so many things that have been stiolen from me, I mean i have lost my very identity, I don't even know who I am because of the abuise, it is very hard to filter ouit the abuse from who and what I really am.

Trust was stolen from me, the ability to really trust a person, fear has overtaken that possibility. Trust is essential to live and right now trust is a very very hard thing for me, perhaps in time it will cbe easier, but right now I cannot see the end of this fear of trust. Not only am I unable to trust other people, I am also unable to trust myself, I don't know if what I am feeling is real or just a result from the abuse.

These are just a few of the many things that were stolen from me, the list could go on forever, but these are some of the 'highlights.'

scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#14290 - 02/20/04 10:33 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Scott I like to think that instead of being stolen our childhood and the ablility to have meaningful relationships were caged behind a solid steel door. The SA put it there and the shame and guilt that was laid on us aided and abetted the perps. They locked the little We and our emotions up and then they gave us the key and we continued as jailers to our childhood and emotions. And we kept silent.

Now in order to move past this state of suspended animation I think it is our duty to work hard on our recovery so that ilttle guy inside can feel comfortable enough to come out into the world again. We can be his best friend. And toghether we can do the things that children do not matter how silly they may seem to other adults. I mean, Hey we have a lot to do before the two of us reunite as one.

Just one guy's thoughts

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#14291 - 02/21/04 01:43 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
faceinthecrowd Offline
Member

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 40
Muldoon, The reality of life.I have been an actor on a stage since I was 12.///////////////////////////faceit


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#14292 - 02/21/04 02:17 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
You name it and then add the words "Decades of ", in front of it.

Decades of life.
Decades of fun.
Decades of achievement.
Decades of sexuality.
Decades of joy.
Decades of ...

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#14293 - 03/08/04 01:50 AM Re: That which was Stolen from us.
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Been super busey this last two weeks and finaly got time to look over your Replys. Printed it out and will have time in the next few days to read things over. Thanks everyone Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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