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#145558 - 03/15/07 05:15 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Wornoutsoul]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Dunx, incredible as it is, I hope it really takes off, you deserve it.
The critics make the book seel, but the author does all the work, and I hope you really do good,

ste


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#146390 - 03/21/07 02:29 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: reality2k4]
Wornoutsoul Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/13/06
Posts: 59
Loc: Europe
Again, I report a remarkable finding to my peers on Male Survivor.

This week "Our Little Secret" goes up in the Times best seller list to Number 4.

The first person from Male Survivor to read it left the following comment.

" There are many books "out there" relating the experiences of survivors of childhood sexual abuse, but this one by Duncan Fairhurst is outstanding for its contributions to two themes of special importance. These both involve feelings that all survivors have to struggle with, but find difficult to understand themselves, much less convey to others.

The first of these is that of the utter helplessness and innocence of the abused child. At the age of four or six, and even older, Little Duncan had no idea that what his father was doing to him was sexual. The things that were happening distressed, frightened and shamed him, but he had no understanding of them or any idea that they were unusual or unacceptable. He loved and trusted his Dad, so when he was told that this was "our little secret" and that all boys do this with their fathers, he simply believed every word and did what he was told. The abusive father controlled everything: what would happen, where and when, and on the few occasions when Duncan would resist or protest, the result was likely to be an escalation into violent rape. Even later on, as the boy began to hear about child abuse (on the BBC for example), he simply could not believe that this is what was happening to him. His Dad loved him - surely what they were doing must be something else. These parts of the book are just heart-rending and need to be read by anyone who supposes that an abused boy could have said no or protected himself. Fairhurst's book gives a searing illustration of the basic truth that the abused child, quickly overwhelmed in a cloud of confusion, deceit, fear and shame, is always an absolutely defenseless victim and never to blame for what is happening to him.

The other area where this book makes an important contribution is on the theme that the impact of abuse does not end just because the abusive acts themselves have stopped. At the age of 14 Duncan took a massive overdose of Paracytomol and barely survived; after that his father's advances stopped. But the boy had learned some terrible lessons: that the world is dangerous and cruel for a child, that his feelings and needs as a boy do not matter, that he is not loved or special, that nothing is too terrible to happen to him, and that relationships with other people are purely transactional - you do whatever you need to do in order to get what you want. His emerging child's sense of boundaries and morality wrecked by abuse, he was unable to relate normally even to friends in school and gradually drifted into the lonely barren world of thievery and drug abuse.

_________________________
Here to help and inspire.....

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#146443 - 03/21/07 10:01 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Wornoutsoul]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3354
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Duncan,

I am really glad to hear that the book is doing so well - I am going to have to get a copy of it

I thank you so much for writing a book that really is helping others to see that abuse does not happen from a stranger as much as many people seem to think it does - people need to know that it does happen inside of families

Thanx for breaking the secret

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#146548 - 03/22/07 04:44 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Wornoutsoul]
stuart Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/22/07
Posts: 4
Loc: Manchester, UK
Duncan,

I have recently registered my details with Male Survivors and wish to make contact with you. It is Stuart Howarth Author of 'Please Daddy No'.

Look forward to hearing from you and congratulations on the release of your book. We all need to stand together my friend and I would welcome your support and also to discuss several areas.

Best wishes to you and all the other survivors worldwide who break free from the pain, shame and silence.

Best wishes

Stuart and Tracey Howarth

_________________________
Everyone deserves the right to freedom in a safe world!

It is time to break free from the past and look forward into the sunlight of today and tomorrow.

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#146551 - 03/22/07 04:53 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Wornoutsoul]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Dunx, with an acknowledgement such as that, the book will sell, believe me it will.
You deserve every penny it makes, but try not to read it yourself unless you feel strong,

ste


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#146610 - 03/23/07 02:40 AM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: reality2k4]
Wornoutsoul Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/13/06
Posts: 59
Loc: Europe
_________________________
Here to help and inspire.....

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#148120 - 04/01/07 06:35 AM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Wornoutsoul]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Dunx,

Any further news on the book? I still haven't seen copies in places I have looked. For example, I didn't see it in Blackwells in Oxford, which usually carries everything, especially bestsellers. I wonder if your agent should know about this.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#148148 - 04/01/07 12:08 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Still]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
misery memoirs ?i dont like that de>
_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#148155 - 04/01/07 12:25 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: Wornoutsoul]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Quote:
"It was a bit chaotic because I just wrote whatever I remembered that day, it wasn't in order and it was difficult dredging up all the memories, but once I had got it out and on paper I felt better."


My book is chaotic too, you must have had a ghost writer,
a good one,

ste


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#148160 - 04/01/07 12:48 PM Re: Our Little Secret [Re: reality2k4]
Wornoutsoul Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/13/06
Posts: 59
Loc: Europe
Larry,

I did mention it to my agent, he said its in the shops that count (WTF that means Im not sure) and this week we went to Number 3 in the Times best seller list.

Shadow,

Nail on the head, again "Your hit the nail right on the head"

Ste, I had a good team, all the players count in getting a good book out. Of course I had help to put stuff in order but the writing is all home grown. I wrote about 120g's in terms of wordage needing to submit 75g's contractually. They accepted 92g's.

PS - is that a veiled compliment??

_________________________
Here to help and inspire.....

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