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#141558 - 02/14/07 12:35 PM Reality
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
I have come through the darkness
Once again
Words said to me
That sent me spinning down
So suddenly
Surprised
Instant regression
How silly that I felt so strong, so on my way
Back down the hole
Back to the awful thoughts
The ones we dare not say out loud
"If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911"
Too far gone to touch
"Call someone who has to come, I'm much too busy now to care."
But now I'm back
Shell-shocked
Numb
Understanding healing is a wondrous thing
Unless, of course, the wound breaks open once again
At least this time I understood
At least this time I pondered all the options calmly
That's a lie
I shook like crazy once or twice
Thinking I might lose it once, for all
And never find my way back again
Wishful thinking?
Not so bad
Losing who I am
Falling into some sort of madness
Except that that unknown madness might be worse than this
This madness known
Perhaps I'm stronger now
Perhaps each plunge makes me a stronger man
Each bouncing back a victory
A chance to face another day
Good Lord, and I bounced back for this?
Trudge on, Good Bobby.
Fight the fight.
Find the Holy Grail, if one exists.
But it's me I want to find
To hell with grails
Holy or not
Just let me find out who I am
Before I take another plunge
And find that I'm too weak for one more try at bouncing back

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#142415 - 02/19/07 11:57 PM Re: Reality [Re: Bobby]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
Bobby, It sounds like you are hurting. I just wanted you to know that I'm right here with you.

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

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#142460 - 02/20/07 12:02 PM Re: Reality [Re: Brian]
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Thank-you, Brian....had a close call. I think I thought that I was less vulnerable than I really am. It took me by surprise and the plunge was very rapid and very deep....no time to grab anything to hold onto on the way down. I came back, but the scary part wasn't so much the plunge as it was my vulnerability to the words that caused it. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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