I can really realte to a lot of what you said in this post. i did a lot of the same things.
I have always felt like i was a little kid stuck in this big body with absolutely no clue how anything worked, i also believe that my development in several areas was like stalled or stuck at the age when the abuse started, i used to feel like i was 10 or so all the time, when i get in a argument with my wife i turn into a 5 year old and half the time i can not even understand what she is talking about and there is no way i can respond to her intelligently, i have watched myself grow up in some areas over the years and now i see my inner self as older, when people ask me how old i am i usually say i am 17 with 30 years experience, cus thats about how i act most of the time. Which is really strange cus i am reasonably succesful in a lot of areas.
Its been a long strange trip, it just keeps going and i just keep growing.
When it comes to the bit about the best revenge is a life well lived, for me, i am real glad that part of me is still a teenager because i have that youthful optimism still and that energy inside me that always says things like, *hmmm, this is kinda sucky, i dont think i am going to settle for this, i got to figure out some way to get past this or make this a little better* I guess not settling has been the big thing for me, i just keep plugging along until things really feel good to me.
so i figure i have made it from 10 to 17 in the last 30 years, not too bad for a kid that was a total basket case at one time, huh?
To be fair i have to say that there are parts of me that are very grown up and very adult and i do actually act my age once in a while.
Life for me these days is not so serious, i try to play with it, dont get me wrong i do have serious stuff come up on a regular basis, i just dont let it throw me too far like it used to, i guess my sharp edges and reactions have been ground down some over the years.
I am glad your here Doug.
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.