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#141718 - 02/15/07 03:01 PM i need help for my boyfriend
jimbo46 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 2
My boyfriend just told me he was raped a week ago in the course of a robbery. He said he couldn't tell me before about the rape. He was in another city visiting his sister and brother in law. He reported the robbery but not the rape. We live in Morocco and he is Moroccan, and his family don't know he is gay. He tried to kill himself with some drugs that his istezr has for bi-polar disorder. I told him it doesn't affect my feelingsfor, that I love himstill as much.
But he needs someone to talk to. I can be supportive, I have read about and seen movies on the effect of rape on a woman, but I know I can never fully appreciate what he went thru and is going thru.
XCan any one help me find an online message board, chatroom, support service for him. He sreads and speaks english, but French would be much better.
Thanks


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#141830 - 02/16/07 11:07 AM Re: i need help for my boyfriend [Re: jimbo46]
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Is there a counselor in his area he can talk with? He needs to get his emotions and trauma outside himself. The longer he covers it up, the more potential he has to act out his trauma. He can talk out here on this site if he can...it may be less stressful to talk through a computer. I will talk with another counselor in MS about your problem. Keep posting and be aware of your own feelings and emotions.

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#141988 - 02/17/07 10:10 AM Re: i need help for my boyfriend [Re: ScottyTodd]
jimbo46 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 2
Thanks for your response. I have been searching the internet for chat rooms and online help in french language but can find none for men, only women. We live in Morocco and he is Moroccan, there are rape councillors here, but again only for women. I wondered, and someone here in a chatroom suggested that a female therapist might be a possibility. I dont know. He told me it happened, but wont talk to me more, it is too hard to say more, it only brings back the nightmare he says--I can understand, it is still so recent, so I havent pressed him, but I know he needs help.


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#141989 - 02/17/07 10:41 AM Re: i need help for my boyfriend [Re: jimbo46]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
give him time and when hes ready he will talk, re assure him that you are there for him when he needs to talk.

Male/female therapist i dont think it really matters, what does is that they have a good understanding.


Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#142296 - 02/19/07 01:04 AM Re: i need help for my boyfriend [Re: jimbo46]
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Jimbo, you say it was one week ago.
First, find out if he has been seen medically! With the sexually transmitted diseases that can kill him, This is most important! The sooner the better. Here is the bad news, he will not want to go, so you are going to have to do what ever it takes to get him there! This could be his life we are talking about!

About the rape, and why it likely happened. People who steal, have learned that if they rape the person, the odds are very good that the robbery will not be reported, or will be reported so late that the robber will be long gone.

Being that this just happened to him he is still in a state of shock, but the shame is already starting to take hold, the sooner you can find a therapist for him the better. If all you can find is female rape therapist, then that is ok for now. Find one that will take him for now. He can still benefit, if the therapist can get him to talk about it.
How is male rape different from female rape? Read and let your boyfriend read this, Male Rape
A book you need to get your hands on is Recovery by Helen Benedict There may be better books out there on rape but this is the one that I read. It talks about the rape, and what it did to him, and what he will be going through in the near future. It also will help you, to better understand what he is going through.
If possible get your boyfriend to come to the here, and start reading, and may be later he can start to talk to us about this terrible thing that happened to him.

I tried searching on the internet, but did not find anyone. But I did find this article on Morocco, that talks some about what gay men there have to do. Maybe one of the doctors that wrote it can be of some help. The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality: Morocco

Take care,
Clifford

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#142437 - 02/20/07 07:45 AM Re: i need help for my boyfriend [Re: lostcowboy]
philobat Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/31/07
Posts: 293
Loc: California
Jimbo,

I am so sorry to hear this terrible news. I have a friend who lives in Morocco and will give him a call tomorrow and see if I can get a referral for you.

I know how "difficult" situations like these are for men in your area. It is very important for him to feel safe and know he is not alone. He will eventually talk about it in his own time.

Hang in there. And welcome to MS.

-Philobat


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