Melliferal,

I know a woman who was in a similar situation as you. As a girl she was used in porn movies, although she was raped on-camera. But she says that she smiled all the way through it, because that's what she was told to do. I don't think she worries too much about the other kids who have seen the video these days, but I know that she struggled with that guilt for a very long time.

I'm with you. If I found out that someone had the child porn pictures of me, I could care less who they were. I'd want them charged.

Well, the point I was trying to make was, that as a victim of this myself, being shown it and not having a clear memory of it, and my reaction to it and the result which I suffered, was terrible.



My misgiving in this is that to label someone a pedophile or a child molester because they do not understand an attraction or a fascination that is connected to having been abused can create a monster rather than save a victim.

From what I have gathered, there are sexual deviants that will continue to exploit children and they have no conscious whatsoever or regard for children and it is those monsters who almost always come from relatively decent backgrounds and were never victimized themselves. Generally they are producers and distributors of this porn and they should be put away for life.

The porn video I did, happened when I was 15. I had run away from home and was living with people who could not afford to make the house payment and asked me to do it to save the house. It was horrible and awful and I was given drugs so I could forget. I too was far from happy yet appeared to be because I was told to.

Now I do not want anyone to watch it because I feel so ashamed and embarrassed. But I do not feel I am being abused by someone who is watching it some 2,000 miles away that I don't know.

I wish it did not exist, I wish the magazines did not exist. The reason I do not look at this crap is because I would probably end up in the hospital again if I ran into a picture of me or the video.

I feel sorry for victims that use porn and do not get help, but judging them and calling them a pedophile or a child molester isn't going to help them into recovery. And if they are a true pedophile or a child molester they are not going to get into recovery until they are caught and forced into it.

I wish to God this didn't exist.

There are many fellow victims out there that do not understand what they are doing, and yelling and calling them names will solve nothing.

-Philobat

I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree here. To me, all people who victimize children in any way are deserving of contempt (of varying degrees, of course). I know too many abuse survivors who have not felt the need to go out and "regress" or "act out" by abusing more innocent children (despite a whole slew of often INCREDIBLY debilitating psychological injuries) to allow that exploiting kids is an acceptable expression or way of dealing with things.

And yes, I realize that we're all different, and that we all react differently. We all have problems, some of us have serious problems. Some of us do irresponsible, reckless, or even morally reprehensible things, as a result of our ongoing confusion and hurt subsequent to sexual abuse. I am willing to overlook and understand all manner of things - even things that shock or repulse my own sensibilities. But I have drawn a line, and that line is crossed when other children are hurt. Because to me, it doesn't matter if a perp is a "situational offender" (whatever), or a "real pedophile", or just a sociopathic murderer, a sexually aggressive teenager, or yes, even a confused survivor who is acting out. Those are all independent variables. To me, what matters is that a child gets hurt. That's all it takes.

Downloading child pornography hurts children. It hurts other survivors. Maybe not all of them - but enough of them, in my opinion, to matter.

In the depths of your struggle, I will swim oceans to hold you up. But when kids are hurt, it's over.

Well spoken Mel. I fully agree. Nobody on this planet should have any illusion about how child porn is produced. Children are enslaved for porn, and anyone who willingly obtains child porn is a child abuser. They are willingly participating in the victimisation of children, and that is wrong. Saying they are justified in doing it is tantamount to condoning child abuse.

For anyone who disagrees, let me ask this. What if you found someone spying on/taking pictures of your child, or a child in your neighbourhood? Would it matter to you if that person was a survivor?

Scott, I was merely quoting what I heard on TV.
It started with the topic of women who want to be
raped, and he figures it was because they were abused
as kids.

He then went on to say that child porn is used by some
men abused as boys, to relive the terror and not for
sexual reasons.

He is a forensic psyche, so I guess he knows more than
I do,

ste

Ste,

I can understand why a survivor would use child porn, I'm just not agreeing that it's acceptable just because the person is a survivor.

Scott, it angers me to see the level of child porn available, and kids are still being abused for the warped minds who want to view it.

If people are paying or sharing hurt of kids, then they are indeed part of the abuse no question.

I did read an article on abusive images being used by the abused as a means of acting in.
Basically its like cutting or other forms of self defeating behaviour.

I dont come across it on the net because I pretty much use the same places all the time, but the newsgroups that I use are full
of it, even in groups designed for parents.

It is a material fact if someone is caught with it, rather than any motive they had.
That gives the cops an easy statistic to say they are doing things about it, when they are giving cautions for actual sexual offences against kids.

They should pay more attention in catching perps, then they can earn their statistics justly.

Just my 0.02 cents,

ste

Well said ste, very well said.

I would like to add, that when a survivor has begun the recovery process and knows that "acting out" to porn is a side effect, and he/she continues this behavior, then they cross that line.

Many victims/survivors do not ever get treatment and end their lives by suicide, overdose, or accidental death. And its very sad.

A child abuser/molester/pedophile in my opinion is an adult who has made a conscious choice.

Very few of us become the monster. And to throw the baby out with the bath water is stupid and very narrow-minded.

I will agree to disagree on this thread. Much good information and opinions have resulted from this posting. A question was asked on this thread as to what I would do if a neighbor or someone I know was taking pictures or producing kiddie porn. My answer is I would probably put that person in the hospital or the morgue.

Please do not think I condone pornography because I dont, especially child porn.

I believe I made my point.