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#140753 - 02/08/07 02:27 PM f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors?
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439

can other survivors or fnf offer some insight on female to male abuse?
indy




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#140780 - 02/08/07 07:00 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: indygal]
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Indy,

I don't really see that there is a difference. The last perp in my past, in my teen years, was male and more methodically violent, but in my personal experience males have no monopoly on violence.

Have you read the PDF from David Lisak that's in the Resources list here? I know that several of the "issues" he identifies in there contributed to my difficulties, to the point that I can see how I unwittingly contributed to the demise of my marriage. The effects spread through all relationships, but the greater the need for trust or chance for intimacy (emotional or physical), the more likely a survivor has to face the issues head-on. That's never easy and certainly doesn't seem as easy as pulling away (in some form), at least before a survivor starts working to heal.

Thanks,

Joe

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"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#140782 - 02/08/07 07:34 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: outis]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11021
Loc: Denver, CO
indygal,

My mother did many things to me that basically made the sexuality of women look quite horrifying. Coupled with her general anti-male attitude and women come across as people one never wants to be in relationship with. They can't be trusted, they are mean to males, and their sons need saving from them.

I have worked through many of those issues now and hope to completely see women as intended by God: loving, complementary creations. It has been a long, tough road.



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1. That


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#140813 - 02/09/07 12:52 AM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: FormerTexan]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
thanks for all your comments - and i tried the Resources list once before but lisak's link comes up w/the url not found - i didn't contact anyone because i believed it had been removed for some reason (maybe that's incorrect?)

i'm still thinking about what you all have said and will comment more later, ok?

if someone else has something to add, please do.

indy

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my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#140817 - 02/09/07 01:36 AM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: FormerTexan]
AshSurvived Offline
Member

Registered: 01/07/07
Posts: 167
Loc: Australia


Edited by AshSurvived (02/10/07 06:50 AM)

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#140856 - 02/09/07 12:14 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: AshSurvived]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
Originally Posted By: AshSurvived
I find you get my back up.


ash, if this is true, well, why do you seem to think it is my problem? \:\/

Originally Posted By: AshSurvived
why I have said before I reckon you ought to talk things over with a shrink, precisely because there are probably things in your nature that are triggers, things you can't see at all.


no doubt that's true for virtually every human being walking the planet.

Originally Posted By: AshSurvived
Before you get upset, wait, I'm just trying to give you the view from someone who also has issues with women.


you just told me i create negative feelings in you and that i should see a shrink about it and you don't think i'm going to get upset? \:\/

annoyed is probably a better de>
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#140898 - 02/09/07 05:14 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: indygal]
Rambler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: Planet Earth
indygal, make it simple and just ask him. My mother was my perp and at a point I was functioning like a normal person (or appeared to).

How would one truly know the differences between m or f ? Every case is sooooo different.


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#140937 - 02/09/07 10:22 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: Rambler]
compassion Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/07/06
Posts: 33
Loc: Illinois, US
Hey, Indygal...

Can I ask what you were communicating with the following...needing some clarity.

he's too functional for that

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#140942 - 02/09/07 10:54 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: compassion]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439


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my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#140945 - 02/09/07 11:01 PM Re: f vs m abusers how does it effect survivors? [Re: indygal]
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Indy,

Here's a link to David Lisak's PDF from a wealth of resources at Jim Hopper's web site.

HTH,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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