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#140156 - 02/03/07 01:56 PM anger
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
I belong to another group, for issue not about abuse. Every day, if you are wishing to respond to it, there is a 'question of the day' subject. Right now, it is including the 'stages of grief' by Kubler-Ross. This one, it is about anger, and except for the questions about losing your child, it can be about anger of other things also. I think, sometime it seem to me, that the anger, it is not put at the right person, or situation. I get angry at myself, I get angry at other situations, or other people who maybe are similar of the situation. But to place anger one who, or on what it belongs at, and rating it, and saying exactly why there is that anger, perhaps it is better choice. So I just am putting here, what was question for the day at my other group, the questions that apply, and will think on it and respond for myself later.

Vitaliy




Stage #2 of Kubler-Ross' s stages of grief is below, followed by questions.

~ Anger.

We may angry at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if s/he's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. We may be angry at God. We may be also angry with ourselves for letting the event take place or for things we did or did not do. We may also be angry at other people whom we believe contributed to the death, directly or indirectly.

Feelings of anger are natural and normal.

QUESTIONS

2. Close your eyes and relax. Then, think of everyone you are angry at. Make a list, and tell us why you are angry at that person. What did that person do wrong?

3. Go back to the list and rate each person according to how much anger you have toward him/her today. 0 means none. 5 means the most possible, an almost uncontrollable rage.

5. Have you tried anything to help get rid of some of the anger you've felt? If so, explain.

6. Does the anger harm you in any way? Explain.

7. Do you have any more comments about anger?


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#140234 - 02/03/07 10:08 PM Re: anger [Re: VN]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
2. M: he start the abuse, he arrange it to happen from other people to me. He lie to me about my parents, make it more hard and scared to try to tell on him. He is one who 'loan' me to others who abuse me. He is one who tell me worst things on myself that sometime still I believe. He is one who cause me still to have back problems, even after surgery. He is one who continued to attack me and cause me fear and pain even after I was adult and he was done in his abusing me.

Dr. S: because he did not just abuse me, he torture me, and others, and then stalk me, and still try to control me. He is one that is most of the nightmares and flashbacks, and so still I have some fear of doctors.

M2: a supposed 'friend' who was nothing at all like a friend. Very selfish, self-centered person who become very angry if you do not become exact what he want of you to be, and then think nasty things about you because you dare to be yourself.

I think that is all who I am some angry at right now.

3. M:2
Dr. S: 5, but I think more often is fear then anger
M2: 1 because it is not worth more then that

5. I have given forgiveness to M, and offered my good thoughts to him. Still now, I would rather much be me then him. I still struggle with anger over the results of what he done, to my emotional way of being, and more, the physical pains I still have because of him. Dr. s, he is in prison, he is out of my life, can not be threat more to me, but still, I have fear of him, and that cause anger. Other person, I tried to put effort to understanding, but since it never was attempted by him, it is over, not issue no more. Again, someone not worth more the effort.

6. I do not know that the anger I have harms me at all, because more then not, it is more fear then anger. Sometime if I am having continued pain or something, I will get upset and think 'it's not fair' over things, but I do not keep to that for so long, because I know it is not use.

Andrei


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#140252 - 02/04/07 02:26 AM Re: anger [Re: ak]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Visha,

Thanks for providing this tool for us to use.

2. taxi guy. He betrayed the trust I had in him, the childlike admiration and friendship I felt toward him. He manipulated me into naming my brother to be abused by him by threatening to kill me.
Neighbor kid. He used me for his own perverted sexual purposes when I was only 6 1/2 years old and continued off and on till I was 10. He was mean, demeaning, and cruel.
My parents. They did not truly understand how to love and nurture a child, and used excessive discipline to keep me in line with their wishes rather than nurture and love.

3. taxi guy - 1
neighbor kid - 0
Parents - 1

5. I've been able to move past the anger most days. There is still some residual anger toward taxi guy and my folks. taxi guy because it just simply angers me that any person could use a child in that manner. The anger is not so much for me as it is because of what he did to many little boys, one of whom is now on the FBI's most wanted list for CSA offenses.

Most of the time I'm also able to not be angry at my parents. It was they who provided the atmosphere that caused me to look elsewhere for affirmation and love, and that still gets to me on occasion. They've apologized to me for the way they treated me and I love them a lot. They changed when I was maybe 12 and became more understanding and loving, but it was too late for us to change anything that had happened. The only thing we can do is move forward from here.

Neighbor kid was simply a pathetic abused boy himself and he's dead now. Not worth any expended energy somehow...

6. I believe unbridled anger toward the perps does affect my ability to heal by stealing my energies needed for healing and wasting it on useless anger.

7. I believe there is a time and place for anger and can be a useful tool in healing if used, controlled, etc. in a way that helps us move forward rather than remain stuck going in angry circles.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#140285 - 02/04/07 11:15 AM Re: anger [Re: WalkingSouth]
Nobbynobs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/26/05
Posts: 1286
Loc: Toronto
Me: 2, because I had to edit this post.



Edited by Nobbynobs (02/04/07 11:15 AM)
_________________________
When you go up to the bell, ring it! Or don't go up to the bell.

- Mel Brooks

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