First of all, i don't know where i should post it, so i post it inhere, hope its the right place.
And, before you ask, I didn't post my story (about csa) inhere, maybe I will someday.

I still live with my mother, I'm now 23y, but my mother and father didn't live together anymore for the past 10 years. I vistited him the last years once each 2 weeks (= avarage).

My father had lungcancer and throatcancer for 2-3 years now. I knew his death had to happen sometime, but didn't think it would be so soon, he was only 55 years old. Always thought he would live an other week for sure, but last wednesday (24 jan 07) it was over. I expected it one day, but still it was unexpected.

The problem I now have or feel, is that I don't have that much grief about it. Its just like I don't mind it that he's dead, and that isn't right. I lost someone very important to me and I can't cry about it. I feel ashamed about it. Its just like I can't feel grief anymore. I'm afraid I will be a stone for the rest of my life.

John,

I don't know what to say except that I'm so sorry.

Trish

John, I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't be so hard on yourself about grieving/not grieving. People grieve in different ways. It may take a while for it to sink in. Again, I am sorry for your loss.

thx Trish

And to correct the second sentence of this tread, I just posted some part of my csa-story, I was writing now, so I just did the other stuff also.

John,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your father. As pointed out above, people grieve in such varied ways, and as abuse survivors our emotions are generally whacked out anyway. So give it time and just work through the process as it comes.

(Sorry, double post)

hi John

We talked in chat, but I want to say again that I'm sorry for your loss.

And I want to say again that it isn't abnormal or weird or wrong, the way you feel now.
Not everyone goes into hysterics, or cries.
Maybe this will come later. Maybe in a day or a month or a year.
I bet you're still in shock phase, at least somewhat.
I know that I was for at least two weeks, when my mother died when I was 14. It was really unexpected, in a carcrash.
But every death is at least somewhat unexpected I guess. Like you said, 'I was sure he would live another week at least'.
Again, everyone griefs in a different way.

The pain won't ever go away, but it will get less prominent in every day life, eventually you don't think about it the whole day, there will come days you don't think about it at all, the pain wil lose it's 'sharp edges'.
The loss will always be there, but it will become bearable.

Don't be to hard on yourself okey?

Stefan

John I'm so sorry. I don't know if you were close to him bet I bet he's proud of the man you've become. I don't cry either, except when I see animals suffer or die, weird huh? Even if he was NOT close to you, it's still a big impact to know that your father is no longer around.

Post deleted by jacobtk

John, grief is not easy for any survivor, my dad died in agony, and believe me it was a relief to see his pain end.
It made me hugely bitter against one brother who fucked up his life, and I still feel bitter.

You do need to realise that he is out of his hurt now, and you will be thinking of all the things you meant to say and do.
Its hard to grieve, it really is, but he will become your friend who loved you,

ste