Once there was a young boy who lived in a terribly abusive home. He used to walk by other homes and look in the windows hoping to catch a glimpse of what a loving family was like. When he reached age ten and was old enough to seek some help for himself he turned to a teacher he trusted. He told the teacher all about the horror that he had been living though and asked him if he would help his family. The teacher befriended him and called him on the phone regularly to check on him. One day the teacher invited the young boy of ten years to stay the night at his house with his wife and child so that he could take him to see a local kid's museum. Well the boys parents said sure it gave them more free time to be alone and use drugs and fuck so the boy went to stay with the teachers family. That night the teacher snuck out to the boys bed on the couch and felt his penis and said you turn me on. He said maybe when my wife leaves tomorrow we can have sex. The little boy regressed and disapeared inside his shell. The boy was on alert all day with adrenalin pumping through his veins wondering when the wife was going to leave and he would have to defend himself. Finally the wife left and the teacher pulled down his pants and the boys and brought him to the bed. Suddenly the wife come walking in the door she had forgoten her keys. She screamed and yelled and the boy, all ashamed that he had done something wrong, pulled up his pants. She put him in the car and drove him home and all she said was that if I wanted to experiment with sex that I should find someone else to do it with. I knew then that I had done something terribly wrong and that I was a disgusting person. The teacher went back to his job as a well respected teacher, his wife went back to her job as a daycare provider and the young boy went psychotic with PTSD. The end.

StillAlive,
Geezus...my heart goes out to you man. I have to admit that I am bawling my eyes out right now.
What happened to you was a complete violation... and on numerous levels. It was a violation of trust when you trusted this lecherous, malignant asshole with your secrets from home. It was a violation of your own personal space, boundaries and body. It was an emotional violation because at that moment you must have ceased feeling anything at all.
I'm just now beginning the process of memory recovery...and I am scared shitless. A week ago I wouldn't tell ANYONE of what I was feeling, not even the people here...but I am slowly beginning to trust.
I have recently told someone very close to me about what happened, as I am starting to remember (that was an immense step for me), and she was very supportive. I don't kow what your life situation is like, but there are people out there who are safe. I think that it just takes patient observation and awareness.
I'm glad that you were able to vent here. Perhaps one day I will recover enough memories to be able tell my story. My friend says to be gentle with myself, and I am learning, but as she says: "it just takes time."
Okay I'm rambling, I'd better go now. Good luck and take care of yourself.

imp

[ November 27, 2001: Message edited by: impishwit ]

Chad,

He was so wrong, your parents were so wrong, you were just a little kid, doing what little kids are sposed to do, turn to the adults for guidance, with trust and open hearts, they all let you down so bad, i am sorry that there were not some responsible grown ups in your life, you didnt do anything wrong at all, they are the ones that did things wrong, very wrong, you were just a trusting little boy.

Your story just makes me so mad, they were all so very wrong and you were so very right, it just makes me crazy.

I am glad your here.

John

This board is already making a difference in my life. I feel good that I shared and I thank you both for the kind words.
God Bless

Dear Still Alive,

As I was reading through your post I was overcome with such anger and a pervasive sense of betrayal. Talk about a double whammy!!

Why, oh why are there such low-life lunkheads among us who use their power and position to take advantage of those who put such faith in them? Yours is the kind of story that makes me so angry and so crazy.

Fortunately, you have found this forum, and just knowing that you are among friends who really know and understand can be enormously healing. At least I have found this to be the case.

I am impressed that you have already begun this long process of recovery and commend you for your courage to take this journey. We'll help one another.

Don

[ December 01, 2001: Message edited by: dynamitedon ]

It amazes me what we have all been through. How much shit can a child take. And what can be done to start to heal. I send a warm
hug toward you. Thanks for sharing. i wrote my story in the Our Stories section.
I wish for you continous healing from what happened. I can relate.

Still Alive,

I am so sorry about what happened to you.

I am in shock. So many adults who should have been protecting you completely failed you.

Having heard enough abuse stories, I wasn't surprised about the teacher, but the teacher's WIFE'S reaction completely floored me.

FUCK!!! "Find someone ELSE to experiment with"??? Is denial so powerful that a person can reasonably blame a 10-year-old BOY???

I had really hoped that this would be your lifeline out of that horrible existence. I am just so stunned that she somehow thought that her fully grown husband had "succumbed" to the "wiles" of a 10 year old, rather than protecting him from the acts that had disgusted her so badly.

My heart really goes out to you, Still Alive. I know it took great courage to share that with us. You were not to blame for any of the pain that was caused you.

I will join the ever-growing line of support behind you. Take care. We're here for you.

We're in this together.

Jeremy

Hey Chad,
Took me a few hours to stop flashing and to answer this...the mother thing is very common...3 friends of mine that were being abused by older boys and their parents...the same time that I was.... complained about being caught by the abuser's mother or father and having it blamed on them! It happened to me two times in about 3 years of abuse, they were both nuts and put all the blame and shame on me! Both times I was caught in the act of me being raped by their sons which were both bigger and older then I was...And, in both cases I was grossed out long and hard by the mothers!!!! I was blamed for them raping me...called a little whore and whatever they could think of! These were different women, but both acted the same way...screaming and slapping me around untill I had a chance to run off! I've had so many flashs of these two times that they are placed in my total recall box! Both women tryed to beat it into me that it was my fault...did a lot of crying and still feel the shame!!! Just went to my therapist today and we talked about me not being able to except what happened to me...Maybe someone here knows what he is talking about...he's my 3th therapist and I like him because he is a male...I can tell him the details unlike the last one who was a woman and would freak-out...but he makes me figger everything out and tells me when I'm right! I except that I was SA between 11 and 14...I know that it wasn't my fault...but what am I supposed to except...he's been asking me for 3 months now and I starting to get tired of this some kind of exceptance crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to you man and think about excepting it before you are asked to do so by everyone in the world!!!!!

Eddie