I want to like everything about myself -

but it's like I see elements of things

that I know are human nature - that I wish

I didn't have in me but it also seems

clear why - I would like such things -


I suppose it comes down to

what a therapist once said

"wanting but not wanting"

I think I want myself and life to be something better than

what it is - I want to achieve and also

to be a better person - an excellent person.

It bothers me that I feel I have a lazy side - and I want to

"kick it's butt" (that side) -

oh...I tihnk I need to take life as it comes -

and not paint the whole picture - with most of the information

left out..... (and let my fear paint the most horrible view
before I am there)

no more doom and gloom - I am going to project - positively

the version of what I think I am hoping for

- M

i guess - conservative.

but no log cabins.


;P

i kind of want to share this -

it's cool -

the negative feelings about moving forward -

like knowiing where i want to go - but seeing the storm only

or - taking a wait and see view

or - like the ostrich head in the sand ....

it made me laugh -

but also because

i looked outside - it's -5 degrees F

I need food - and there's no two ways about this -

i have to go out -

I also need to walk the whole way

so - -5 degrees is never a party - unless you get to keep in - eh?

hahah

so - the feelings - they do change - but -

hatin' life now 'so to speak'

anyway - cheers - have a good one -

stay (((((coozy)))

i did it.



being alone can be a bitter pill to sit with.

but there can be ok moments - and nice ones.

it just may not be as sweet as it can be with another person
being there.

again - and being alone can have nice times but i'd rather

pair off right now.

also - being alone - so much can sap energy in a big dose.

but - it can be done once your cool with it.

actually learning all this kind of makes it easier

just to get on with livin'

ok with life n' stuff.

kinda.

take care of yourself mark.

Duncan

am doin' dat.



thanks duncaccino!



SF - is really good.

SF= San Francisco.

(here for 2 weeks)

Hi Mark

I think i will have to make myself a strong "duncaccino" sometime :-). I hope you are well.

Duncan