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#135051 - 02/16/06 09:22 PM Dentists- what would get you to go?
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Hey Gang,

Today I had to go to the dentist.

I know in the 'doctors' thread some of you mentioned how you don’t like going to the doctor and also mentioned dentists. So I got thinking about my dentist because he also does a lot of research, university teaching, and writing for the trade journals. He’s also always on the cutting edge of the technology, procedures, and he’s a marketing & customer service genius.

So I asked him if he has ever thought about those of us out there who are survivors with our very specific phobias of being touched especially the kind of touching dental work requires. Of course he hadn’t.

I asked how he would reach out to survivors and sell the idea of going back to the dentist.

His first thought off the top of his head would be the sedation he offers but in the same sentence, before I could say anything, he said, “But I don’t know if that would be worse.” We agreed the sense of not being in control with slight sedation could make things worse. Part of me felt survivors may be divided 50/50 on that one with some welcoming the sedation and others being terrified at the idea.

We also agreed that if the doctor knew about the history of abuse he would easily be able to make accommodations and be as considerate as Larry’s doctor. But that takes disclosure and a survivor may not be comfortable mentioning that… even if they added a question on the fist-time-visit questionnaire, “Do you have a history of childhood sexual abuse?” many would say no and that would only work if they had already made the decision to go in the first place.

He also thought having a trusted friend in the room may help and he asked me if I ever noticed that in his office the chairs face the doors so the patient can see if anyone enters the rooms. He says in most offices it’s the opposite.

So aside from insurance and coverage issues, what would get you to go to the dentist? What would you need to be comfortable? Would you be willing to tell the doctor of your history?

My dentist advertises that he “caters to cowards” How can we get the dentists and the doctors cater to survivors?

Thoughts?


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#135052 - 02/17/06 05:34 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3362
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Good thread Roland...

it's been basicaly 10 years since I was last to a dentist

I believe that the only way I'll ever go willingly is if they totaly knock me out cold (I don't wanna remember nothin)

I had a dentist years ago that did a partial sedation (when all of my wisdom teeth where pulled in one siting -was the last time I ever willingly went to the dentist - was forced to go to the military ones) - I was so highly freaked cause I was not in control of my body - I could feel the pain - and yet I could'nt get my mouth to say the words...

I don't really think that there has to be a question added to the forms asking if you've ever been abused - as you said, how many would truthfully answer it - probably few - cause of fear of what others would think about you

I think that the answer might have been found in a clinic about an hour south of me - they give the patient a pill that puts them to sleep and when they wake up the dentist is all done - now that's the kind of dentist that I could actualy go to - I hear tell that this clinic is totaly packed to capacity since they started advertising this new form of dentistry...

I believe that more dentists should get onboard with this new 'sedation dentistry' - advertise it - the people who need it will come...

and that's my thoughts...

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#135053 - 02/17/06 05:44 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Quote:
So aside from insurance and coverage issues, what would get you to go to the dentist? What would you need to be comfortable? Would you be willing to tell the doctor of your history?
I would need to know that I wouldn't get shamed by the dentist for my history of not going.

Honestly, I get scared and ashamed just thinking of having to tell a dentist how long it's been since I went.

And I don't know how I could tell that without giving away at least some history, since my parents didn't take me to a dentist either.

I also don't really feel like I deserve to go to the dentist.


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#135054 - 02/17/06 05:05 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Thanks for the input!!

One of the folks on the discussion borad replied with a PM. and that gave me a couple ideas which I thought I would share here.

In talking to my dentist (and from my expierience) there are a lot of new ways they do things to make the patient comfortible... sedation (he says you won't remember a thing)...

I'm going to work on this because it stinks that so many people are having trouble getting the help they need.

Let me ask you this... what if there was an advocate in the room with you? What I mean is... there is a differece between a trusted friend or family member (and you may not have disclosed to them anyway) and say a guy who is a fellow survivor that knows what you fear, what you went throuh who can be there for you and keep an eye on things while you are sedated so you feel safe? (did that make sense?)

Ok let's jump ahead a couple years and pretend...

What if there was an agency or a part of MaleSurvivor that was there to help you make the appointment, explain the situation to the dr's office and actually had someone availible to go with you?

Just call the MaleSurvivor office or whatever, with your Dr's info and you would then get a call back with the appointment date confirmation and your advocates contact info...

I'm just pulling that out of my head as an idea. I'm sure we could get some grant to make that possible.

Sar, you are absolutley right... I felt the same way when I went back.

Sorry for the spelling and the choppy post... I was excited to get this on the board but I have a meeting to run to.

Let me know what you think.


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#135055 - 02/17/06 09:49 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
I've always been frightened of dentists. I've also been frightened for my kids when they go. The sounds and smells make me feel ill. I'm not sure that it is related to childhood sexual abuse though. I'm guessing its because as a little kid I had a resistence to novacaine and had several teeth filled with very little numbing.
Regular doctors have never been an issue for me.
Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#135056 - 02/18/06 07:08 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
It has been years since I was to a dentist, and I now know it has everything in the world to do with my abuse history - dentists put things in my mouth, hold me by my head...need I go on?

I also wonder if in the past I was rationalizing my failure to go by procrastinating: I will do it next week, next month, etc.

Now, as SAR says, I just feel embarrassed to go after such a long time and fear all the clucking and lecturing as he sees the work that needs to be done. I also know I will be plenty angry with myself for neglecting this.

I would seriously consider any service offered my MS in this area. I feel I am making good progress, but going to an unknown dentist and go through all that stuff? Yeah right!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#135057 - 02/18/06 07:36 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
the last time I went to a dentist - He fixed the wrong tooth! - seriously -

I will go to a Dentist -

with a huge man servant next time - with a nice carnival hammer -

if he makes a mistake - the dentist i mean - the agreement will be - that the man servant - will swing the hammer - and knock this man's head until it swells enough to hit the bell at the top of the wall -

once we hear a 'ding' then - i get a stuffed animal - and we get to go back to the dentist chair - with a new doctor to finish the work!

jeepers -

CREEPERS!!!

MGB

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#135058 - 02/19/06 07:18 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
What an excellent thread.
For me, I think minimal sedation is less traumatic. Dull the pain, but let be remain conscious enough so that I can be aware that boundaries were not violated and that the rest of my body is untouched. After years of avoidance, I now have a trust established with a local dentist and my teeth are much happier.
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#135059 - 02/23/06 03:43 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go?
delta.tetra Offline
Member

Registered: 04/17/05
Posts: 108
Loc: Netherlands
Hello,

I have an appointment with My dentist on 3rd march this year. When I telephoned to make an appointment the helper person said, "Oh you haven't been for a long time!" Well the last time I was there the dentist said, "you don't have to keep coming when there is nothing wrong with your teeth!" This time I have three broken teeth. Other times in earlier adult life I have waited through years of bad rotting tooth pain because I was too terrified of the dentist.

I am a big man, and I have a lady dentist. She is small and elegant and delicately built and I cannot think she is strong enough to physically restrain me so she could abuse me somehow. She has treated me for about ten years. She was recommended personally to me by someone who said he was very very scared of dentists. She never really hurt me unreasonably yet and I can always tell her if it makes too much pain.

I would like very much to be fully sedated during all dentistry!

I have decided a few days ago that I will tell my dentist the truth about me being abused, and that I am getting proper attention now for those problems. I will tell her that a lot of abuse survivors have problems with going to see the dentist.

I do accept my personal responsibility for the current and future state of my teeth! I am committed to going to the dentist when necessary for my happiness and comfort. I refuse to allow 'the perp' to make me accept tooth ache any more!


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#164703 - 07/04/07 04:14 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: delta.tetra]
theatrekid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
ok i know this is an old post but im reading old posts tonight.... so any ways i am scared to death of the dentist, doctors, when i was little i wouldnt even get my hair cut.... i never thought it was because of the abuse though... but that kinda makes sense to me... anyways just though i would throw my 2 cents in.


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#164733 - 07/04/07 12:24 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: theatrekid]
terpprm Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Elyria, Ohio
i'm twenty years old and have had dentures for two years. i still have my temporarys as i am afraid to go back. they only numbed my mouth. they didn't put me to sleep, so i lay there with a guy touching me, but couldn't react as nobody knew about my csa, as they hammered, chiseled, pulled, sucked blood out of my mouth, and ground my bones down. i don't see myself ever going back to the dentist. i'm traumatised for life.


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#164734 - 07/04/07 12:32 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: terpprm]
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
when i was younger what really got me was the doctor would always like push his hands down my pants to feel the glands there i guess ,but they always did it like push in on my stomach ,here there you know? everytime it totaly freaked me out .

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#164859 - 07/05/07 06:16 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: shadowkid]
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london
I'd have to be on death's door to go back to a dentist.

I haven't been for over 20 years.

As SAR said, I'd be too ashamed of the telling off if I went back now ...... not to mention I can't afford to pay for everything that needs doing.

I can so clearly remember the pain from when I was young - being told that the pain I felt wasn't actually pain, I was just imagining it.

Then as a young adult having injections to numb my mouth, still feeling the pain through the supposed numbing ...... and still being told that I was imagining it because it's not possible to feel pain through the numbing.

Like hell! I felt it alright. No imagination needed.

No, I'll never go back to a dentist.

SB

_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

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#164860 - 07/05/07 06:51 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? *DELETED* [Re: soapy bubbles]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
Post deleted by ttoon

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#164918 - 07/05/07 02:00 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: ttoon]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Dentist ... Doctor .... ugh.
I see my dentist every 3 months for rigorous cleaning - I've let my teeth go too long, he's helping me save them. I hate it - but I finally found someone I trust (of course, he's getting ready to retire .... sigh)
Doctor? I haven't told mine about being a survivor, but I guess I should. (Thank you Dave for mentioning it)

A lot of trauma from men who were supposedly there for my "well-being". And people wonder why we find it so hard to trust???

M

_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#164953 - 07/05/07 05:48 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: theatrekid]
emptydreamer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 276
Loc: Midwest USA
I didn't see this thread until today. I never thought about why I hated going so much, this did shed some light on the underlying issues. I have to say, I avoid the dentist, too much. I just spent over $900.00 for this hatred. My first visit, in over 20 years, pointed out to me, how much I should have been going all along. Good news, only one very small cavity. The bad news, deep, painful cleaning to try to slow down a couple of pretty bad cases of bone loss from not having the regular cleanings done each year. One thing that really hit me when I read this....I'm much more comfortable with the "female" helpers working on me than I am the "male" dentist. Go figure!!
Best wishes, and warmest regards, Oh, and don't forget to floss!!
Scott

_________________________
I'm here for a reason. Failure is not an option.

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#164977 - 07/05/07 08:20 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: emptydreamer]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
terpprm,

Going to the dentist is a big deal for many people and I think for survivors it's especially rough. But you do need to go, man. You need to get those temporary dentures replaced and get back into the habit of taking care of yourself. This is part of recovery too!

Know what I do these days? I always tell a doctor working with me that I'm a survivor, and the doctor is always relieved to know that and adjusts his treatment of me accordingly. It was difficult at first, but so are many things in life when we first set out to do them.

What I'm getting at here, bro, is that seeing the dentist is part of a larger program you need to tune in on, and that's learning to ask for help and then accepting the help when it's offered. This is so often another rough one, but hey, if we want our lives back we have to be willing to take on these challenges. Talk more about this stuff with us here, and let the guys here support you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#165324 - 07/08/07 01:59 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: roadrunner]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
hate the damn drill rattling my head around with the grinding vibration!!!!!!!

shudder, shudder, shudder!

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#166544 - 07/13/07 06:36 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: WalkingSouth]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Going to see the dentist is a very common fear in mainstream society and for goo reason. It is very invasive. In fact, I've heard people describe it up the with oral R....well I guess Larry already touched on that.

I too fear the dentist, sticking different metal tools and objects into my mouth(shudder). I have not gone in maybe 7 yrs.

One Idea, that may avoid the confession of being a survivor is just having a space on the intail paperwork asking you if you are unconfortable and having a scale of 1 through 10, 1 being a tiny bit uncomfortable and 10 being terrified and since the paperwork is confidecial you could explain that you are not a happy camper with out having to go into history too much.


logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#166555 - 07/13/07 07:10 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: Logan]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Logan,

For me the freak-out is being held by my head, having my head moved around, etc.; geez, I can hardly even write that! I haven't been to the dentist for ages, even though I know my fears are baseless and I realize I need to go. I've become an expert procrastinator on this one!

What I need is for someone to spike my drink at home, knock me out, and carry me to the dentist unconscious on a stretcher. That would suit me just fine. \:\)

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#187629 - 10/17/07 02:02 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: roadrunner]
drakestorm Offline
New Here

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 5
Loc: Indiana
All,

I see that this thread has come and gone a couple times. I let my teeth go for 10 years without much care. I believe now that I was punishing my mouth for betraying me. The dentist himself doesn't bother me. I just felt like I didn't deserve good oral health.

I finally began treatment, and have spent a lot of money over the past 12 years undoing the damage and recovering some health for my teeth. I still get in ruts where I don't take care of my self. It is hard for me to find a new dentist when my insurance changes or I move. Mostly out of shame for the past conditions of my teeth. I have only had one dentist who was a jerk about it. And that didn't matter because I was on vacation and needed some emergency work. I wasn't ever going to see him again. My current dentist is good, and the nitrous oxide mixture he administers helps relieve any residual anxiety.

Long first post.

Drake


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#187657 - 10/17/07 04:40 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: TJ jeff]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
OMG you took the word right out of my mouth! almost word-for-word what i was thinking. I'm broke/no insurance so yah, coverage is first, but if i could pay or have it covered, KNOCK ME THE F- OUT! I also had all-impacted wisdom teeth pulled, w/ a valium IV and a f-ing HORSE-sized novocaine injection. ("You're going to feel a slight push now." SHOVE. CRUNCH.)
I've heard that almost any standard dentist would refer you to an oral surgeon, and even then the issues around anaesthesiology(sp?) and lawsuits make them all reluctant to offer it as a choice. I haven't been in over 16 yrs, really need it but can't do anything right now.

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#188638 - 10/24/07 02:41 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: roadrunner]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
I goto the dentist when i can get over the fear of having something inside my mouth. i gag each time and the work cant get done until i relax.

I get the same when brushing my teeth, so i close my eyes and try to relax my fears.

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#193725 - 12/04/07 06:32 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: roadrunner]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I just got a PM from a friend on the site who asks me about this comment I made earlier in this thread:

Originally Posted By: roadrunner
I always tell a doctor working with me that I'm a survivor, and the doctor is always relieved to know that and adjusts his treatment of me accordingly. It was difficult at first, but so are many things in life when we first set out to do them.


What he wanted to know was exactly what do I say and what does the doctor do differently once I have told him I'm a survivor?

What I say is just something like: "Before we get started I should tell you I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was abused for four years until I was 14, and I still have problems because of that and am in therapy for it." No more details are needed.

I have been doing this for over a year now and the reactions among doctors have so far been 100% positive. One in Germany told me, "I'm so glad you told me that. We need to know these things if we're to give you the best possible help." I did have one experience where a nurse reacted with embarrassment and confusion, but okay...the point is that no one has ever been negative and usually the reaction is positive.

What difference does it make? Well, I saw an immediate difference. The doctor was careful about touching me and always told me what he/she was going to do next and what I would feel. They were all very careful about a huge trigger for me - being held by my head.

In mental health facilities, like hospitals or Oxford's Psychology Department, I am always first asked how I am doing and feeling and is it okay if we talk about x or y or z. If there's a form to fill out, I am shown a copy first and told that if there are areas I can't talk about they will be removed from the form. When we go to a room the other person goes in first and then asks me where I would like to sit.

It's a lot of little things, I guess, but the overall effect is to make you feel like you DESERVE good professional treatment. It's reassuring when you get a reaction that shows you're dealing with people who have been trained in how to handle cases like ours.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#194151 - 12/06/07 08:51 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: Curtis St. John]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
So this mourning, had my dentist apt. I was sooooo nervous I thought I was gonna be sick, So as the dentist comes over I tell him right away that I am extreamly nervous and that I am one of those people that fear going to the dentist. I said some thing that happened in my childhood made me nervous so if he could please tell me what he is going to do before he does it I would be most appreciative. So he says that its no problem and if at any time I feel really uncomfortable just wave at him and he will stop.

Then he goes on to question if what happened to me was related to a bad experience at the dentist, and now I have no idea what to say or how to respond. I tried to say that "I am a survivor of...... I couldn't get myself to "Childhood Sexual Abuse." So after a short silence, 10 sec's maybe, I say "I was molested when I was a kid." He just nods his head and says it will be OK. I feel shocked because of what I just said! It was weird, I did not feel ashamed. I felt very relieved for getting that part over with, and somewhat proud of myself for saying it.

The rest offf my day was cake compared to that. I had a great day after that!!!!


-Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#194170 - 12/06/07 10:08 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: Logan]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I'm still scared to death of going.
SAR said it best for me.
"I would need to know that I wouldn't get shamed by the dentist for my history of not going.

Honestly, I get scared and ashamed just thinking of having to tell a dentist how long it's been since I went."

When I was in 5th grade the school dentist pulled a tooth before the Novocain was working. it was quite painful. Have never forgotten that. Just went down hill from there.
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#194460 - 12/08/07 04:02 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: GateKPR4]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Rick, maybe if you explain your experience about the time when you were a kid to the dentist he would be more sensitive and it may put you at ease somewhat.

I also felt ashamed when I told the dentist that I could not remember the last time I had been to a dentist. The dentist responded very casually as if it was an expected answer.--I think dentists in general may expect that answer from some people or at least get that answer a lot.

Best of Luck,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#194538 - 12/09/07 06:12 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: Logan]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Hey Logan,

Originally Posted By: Logan
Then he goes on to question if what happened to me was related to a bad experience at the dentist, and now I have no idea what to say or how to respond. I tried to say that "I am a survivor of...... I couldn't get myself to "Childhood Sexual Abuse." So after a short silence, 10 sec's maybe, I say "I was molested when I was a kid." He just nods his head and says it will be OK. I feel shocked because of what I just said! It was weird, I did not feel ashamed. I felt very relieved for getting that part over with, and somewhat proud of myself for saying it.


Somewhat proud? You should be VERY proud. That was a big step and I'm so happy for you. The first time we do something like this is always the hardest.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#194542 - 12/09/07 07:16 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: roadrunner]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
WTG Logan, Maybe if more people were able to do what you did dentists may consider peoples backgrounds before making judgments and assumptions about their patients.
I don't know, its not like all dentist shame their patients but I have had a couple that I never went back to because of that attitude. My next step in recovery is to get my dental problems taken care of. This will be a big step in feeling better about myself. The darn TV commercials don't help, seems like everyone has a perfect smile. For me to get a nice smile I'm looking at 5-7 thousand and that is a conservative estimate. Although there are ways to get financial assistance for this.
There is a place about an hour from my home that will knock you out and do all the work in one visit. They advertise fix years of embarrassing problems in a friendly environment. I think this may be where I go. It would be well worth it to get the work I need without the repeated visits and where there seems to be more understanding dentists.
There was a study done where the findings were that people dental problems were at higher risk for heart problems.
can't remember who did the study, it was a few years ago when I heard it. Think it was a National Public Radio news story.
peace
Rick

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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#197769 - 01/03/08 01:54 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: Curtis St. John]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
WOW! Over 1033 people have checked out this thread. I had no idea it would be this important... Again, we find we are not alone.

I'm very happy some are able to mention to their doctors they are survivors and reported the positive results here.

Larry, when I was reading your post about how your dentist was understanding and compassionate, I was struck by the thought that's it's nice to have someone like that listen, hear, believe, and react appropriately, i.e. have no trouble explaining what will happen next and what you should feel. I think that reaction from the doctors could be something we've all been looking for our whole lives, eh?

I'm lucky to have a dentist that trains other dentists so he always hip to what's new and how to act. I find myself laughing when I get a shot now because these days I don't even know when it happens as opposed to the Dr. Frankenstein I had as a kid that came at me with a hypodermic the size of a spear...

For those of you who are still on the fence about going, I've found the latest catch phrase of the good doctors is "caters to cowards" Maybe if you find one of those guys in the phonebook you can call and get the doctor on the phone and explain anonymously over the phone that you are a survivor and see if you get a reaction you're comfortable with then go from there.

Ok, I have to get back to work now...
Cheers!


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#199195 - 01/12/08 02:05 PM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: theatrekid]
mvnforwrd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 216
Loc: NJ
Good post

I thought i just didnt like dentist. But i just realized the real reason i dont like dentist. And that it has a great deal to do with the sexual abuse. my teeth are a mess. When i was a kid I even puched a dentist. Maybe i will now research alittle more to the relations of being sexual abused. Thanks mvn4wrd

_________________________
Take your foot out of yesterday and your other foot out of tomorro or you will keep pissing allover today!

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#199287 - 01/13/08 10:34 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: mvnforwrd]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
This is one of the areas that I have missed out on. I had never connected my fear of a dentist with my abuse, Duhh! I remember jokingly saying that I didn't trust anyone who wanted to put things in peoples mouths. Now it seems a little more serious.
I eat well, I excercise and otherwise take care of my body, including my teeth, and mind but have this place of neglect with my dentist visits. Maybe now I can approach it from a different angle and make an appointment, I think he needs a new garage anyway so I can contribute to that. :-)

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#199288 - 01/13/08 10:53 AM Re: Dentists- what would get you to go? [Re: dancr6]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Well I told my T that I was going to make an appointment within the next two months. My fear came from having a tooth pulled before the Novocain had time to work. My experience since then have been mostly positive with the exception of a condescending dentist who brought down the wrath of guilt and shame on me for not taking care of my teeth. That made me shy away for a long long time. But now I need to do something about my dental health because I really need a lot of work done. I'm probably looking at he cost of a car just to get my teeth in good health.
I'm going to look into the sedation dentistry where they do all the work on the second or third visit. This I could handle since I don't have to keep going back except for routine visits. Wish me luck guys.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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