I have been on a very long journey of dealing with my health and now I am in my fourties and I am probably the most healthy I have ever been. I have never really had any serious addiction problems. Alchohol scared me and drugs scared me even more - both brought on huge anxiety. So I turned to sugar and caffeine. At age 23 I developed an ulser but was so fucked up and so stressed out I didn't even notice. A doctor years later took x-rays of my stomach and found scarring that had healed on it's own. But I struggled with stomach problems for years after (and still do to a lesser degree). Finnally I went to a naturopath and went on this heavy duty diet which really, really helped my stomach. It also cleared up a lot of depression. When I came out of it it was like someone had removed a dark clowd around my head. I thought do people actually live like this. It was amazing. I know now that sugar is a really intense and insipid drug, that the rest of the world seemingly doesn't acknowledge.
Years later I developed a chronic lower back pain which turned into very intense sciattica. I got no releif from this pain EVER. I tried everything to rid myself of this pain - chiropractors, massage therapists, acupuncture, rolfing, yoga etcetera. Finnally, at a snails pace of streching, excersise, and relaxation I scratched my way back to health. I have a yoga teacher who has years of teaching experience and personal experience with lower back pain. I had to learn to be patient and understanding of my body and being focussed on long term goals. I am still learning these things but I am virtually pain free now and activating long since dorment muscles. I know that the abuse really has an affect on how I carry myself and can feel at times of being triggered how my body reacts with pain and discomfort just by virtue of these negative emotions going through my system. Even though I have accomplished a lot in my healing journey I still feel frustrated by this process and the seeming lack of understanding and experience in the world. Is it a male relationship to these issues that makes my/our pursuit so difficult? I know that early on I was quite diciplined in my excercising and streching but I tended to aproach it with an agressive ambitious energy which tended to create more pain and damage in my body. Why isn't there places to deal with this shit? Why isn't there more information? I'm wondering what everyone elses thoughts are.

Trigger warning!

This is not going to be a long reply, it is getting late.

There is a distinct difference between pain and hurt.

You need to discover this.
I had an oral operation on my mouth which lasts two hours, it started at 9am lasts till almost 11am.

As the operation goes on, the meds wear off so I feel pain, I ask the doc to give me more meds to ease it so he does.

I get to a point which really hurts, and he says I cannot give any more meds in case of cardiac arrest but he gave me informative advice that I should have this operation under general anastaesia.

I told him to just get it over with and get it over with.

Now the difference between pain and hurt.
The pain was worth going through the emotional pain that caused all of this hurt in the first place.

Hurt is emotional, pain is pain, there is a difference.
I went through the pain of a doc touching raw nerves in surgery just to get rid of hurt in my life, mainly my mouth.

The surgery could have paralyzed half of my face, but I had faith in the surgeon, so the pain was worth being able to smile or feel hurt.

He lifted a sac that was there when I was punched in the face by a kid who broke the nerve in my tooth at the root.

I just thought, hey it cant be any different from any other pain, and the pain of lifting a polyp off my radial nerve was like hell, but it was worth it.

The downside is that my body masks pain, so if it is in trouble it would be hard to distinguish between pain and real pain

I felt so cool after going through that pain,

ste

edited to include trigger warning

ste,

I think you missed the point. What I was talking about is the physical pain/hurt that accompanies the emotional pain or the result of the emotional pain. I understand the concept of going through some physical pain of an operation in order to feel better but what I am talking about is the chronic pain asociated with unprocessed emotional trama. It's also what I wanted to focus on and the concentrated care one needs in order to process these ailments.
apf

Apple,

I don't think you process the ailments, you process the feelings and emotions that are getting expressed physically as pain.

I know I used to actually seek physical pain in order to have a "real" cause to match what I was feeling internally, but maybe that's another topic entirely.

Also, I think that for a lot of us, it takes a long time to feel that we own and control our bodies and it's OK, in fact it's intelligent and proper to take care of them and feel good in them and enjoy them.

I know I was damn sure no one else controlled me or had any right to do anything to my body, but it took a long time to realize and then accept that I Do!

I had stomach problems also but that was back when I kept everything inside and it tried to eat it's way out.

Later on, I would tense up rather than feel a physical sensation of any kind, even good ones, or an emotion. The tension of all that repression knotted muscles and squeezed nerves and hurt.

So those times it wasn't about keeping something in, it was about not letting things in, not even good things, especially good physical sensations and pleasure of all kinds.

It's an incredible strain. The resistance makes all this internal turmoil that comes out in the body, or in anger and rage for some people.

I think the mind body connection is really important. And I'm sure it's a two way thing. What I think and my emotions affect my body and can cause pain, but when I keep my body pain-free and strong, this affects what I think and my emotions. Quid pro qou. One hand washes the other.

There are places and ways to work on this, and you have found one; Yoga and a teacher who understands.

Processing emotions is much easier with physical exertion and sensation happening at the same time. This is the basis of EMDR, and it's powerful and true.

Exertion alone becomes a mantra, and the feedback is a clamer mind. With repetition this becomes a habit, and then a usual way of being.

And of course the body is stronger and more durable also. It's win/win.

Yoga works for me, and meditation, but that is definitely another topic. One of the most calming things I do is skip rope. It's almost as important for mental discipline and strength as it is for endurance. Ask any boxer.

Donald