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#13371 - 01/20/04 12:18 PM No energy, apologies
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I just wished to say I am sorry to not be here for so long. I feel bad to not be reading and responding to people, whether they are in pain or if they are having good times. I feel bad to even post here when I haven't been responding, because it makes me feel again I have not earned my time here with you all.

Feeling the same way about healing. Feel that I do not have right to, that I have not earned my right to, because things that happen, they are not so bad, I should not be so upset of it. I don't know why I think that. I had good day yesterday, had a good talk with a survivor friend, and we feel normal, we have a good talk and have fun, talking of 'normal' things. Then went out with some friends, had good dinner out. But, maybe it is too good a day, because I get upset again, feeling I do not deserve a good day, I have not earned that.

Am tired of being sick, tired of having no energy, mental or physical. Feel I can't do anything. I can do what I have to do, to get through day, and then lay in bed without the energy to even turn over, never getting comfortable with my leg and back pain, and can't even sleep. Just feel like garbage. Been called that before, I guess it's ok to feel like it. Uck.

Wish you all well, will try to 'come back' here soon.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#13372 - 01/20/04 04:38 PM Re: No energy, apologies
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Leosha it is ok to feel like garbage when you are physically sick. My god we all feel like that. But to be called it is another thing. You are not garbage and never were or ever will be. JUST REMEMBER THAT OK!!!!

Take time to get physically back on your feet. We are all here for you and I think you know that.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#13373 - 01/20/04 04:38 PM Re: No energy, apologies
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
leosha,
two men have taught me something very valuable here. among the brotherhood there is no "earning" one's keep, or duties other than being yourself. i do understand how you feel about that though, i have felt the same in my own way. at times it seems as though things are not as critical as they should be so we think that we are either on top of things or in the depths. i have been so tired of everything lately that it is so hard to drag my self out of bed...but as robert frost said, "i have many miles to go before i sleep". take good care of yourself, leo.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#13374 - 01/20/04 08:02 PM Re: No energy, apologies
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Leosha,

We all get busy in our lives, this is a good thing. Time spent living is time well spent. You have your life, I have mine, and the others each have theirs. The our daily tasks and needs do not always afford us the time to visit this site. Your obligation is too take care of yourself, and as long as you are doing that, I believe you are doing MS proud. You have posted, as of this post, 625 times, a great number. Most all of which were works of kindness and encouragement to the members here. I commend you on your compassion.

I hope your health improves. Your emotional self-worth increases to the level it deserves to be. You are a strong, gentle, caring man; definately not garbage. That's just the demeaning words of a perpetrator.

I look forward to your return, when you are feeling better and are ready. Until then, take care.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#13375 - 01/21/04 06:33 PM Re: No energy, apologies
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
please leosha you are so kind we all get busy -
at times - and i agree that is a good thing -

be well friend -
mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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