Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
almostdonew/life (39), barelysurviving (45), bigbob20 (69), billyp (65), Shawv (70), TheTwoOfUs (43)
Who's Online
9 registered (pluckmemory, JW1230, highflight, Greg56, Anura, 1 invisible), 27 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63773 Topics
445347 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#132674 - 11/14/06 09:28 PM f*cking confusing
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Hi.

I fall into the category where I don't have sex with anyone. Even though I am feeling comfortable with my identity as the "straight", and I feel like straight, etc, I just don't have any intimate relationships and they don't seem to start. Whether I reflect on the problem of my loneliness or not, I don't see the relationship with a girl starting to form.

So fucking confusing.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#132675 - 11/15/06 12:27 AM Re: f*cking confusing
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Alexey,

I understand...

been over 10 years since I last had sex - and it was'nt me that initiated it...

I now have a girlfriend again for the last few months but am scared to do anything with her - heck, I aint even kissed her yet...

You are not alone in your struggles...

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#132676 - 11/15/06 06:58 AM Re: f*cking confusing
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Jeff,

It seems that I know what you talk about. The last I had sex was 6 years ago, and she initiated it then. We were together for a couple of months then.

Now I am alone, and I wait and wait for a relationship, but it does not help, or maybe it helps to just survive.

Thanks for support...

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#132678 - 11/16/06 03:18 AM Re: f*cking confusing
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dont mean to jump in here but kissing is a huge problem for me and if you cant do that well its gonna be hard to ever do anything else.i met a girl and we got kinda close ,spent time together and it was cool ,till the night in my truck when she laened across me and tried to kiss me .for me i think being forced to kiss my abuser was maybe the worst ,even worse than the painfull sex stuff. she leaned across my body ,i felt crushed couldnt get my breath ,i could smell his rotten breath in my face .i freaked out and pushed her hard off of me ,i tried to explain but how ?you know ?how do you explain something like that ?also i know that sex hurts ,it has to thats part of it . any experience i have had with sex was connected to pain the more he hurt me the more aroused he got ,i could never do that to a women or anybody ,so for me i would rather forget sex ,but in a normal relationship is that possible? is it fair to your partner? abuse screws us up in so many ways ,it takes things like having a normal relationship away from us.i know this is a stupid question but does having sex mean somebody has to get hurt? does it hurt the girl like what he did hurt me .and what is a 22 year old doing having to ask questions like this?.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

Top
#132679 - 11/16/06 04:22 AM Re: f*cking confusing
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3369
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Selene,

I just don't know if she wants me to kiss her??? - and kissing has always led to other things... - sex was always made to hurt for me when younger - don't want to hurt someone i care for - in a lot of ways I guess i feel like Adam does...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

Top
#132680 - 11/16/06 10:27 AM Re: f*cking confusing
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Adam and TJ jeff,


sex does not hurt for a woman if she is fully aroused and also wants it too......please don't worry about that. I do know of women who aren't that into penetration, but for the women who are, we like it! It feels good to us.


Adam, it sounds very much like at the moment, in any encounter with a woman, you would feel a lot more comfortable maybe if you were the one to lean accross and kiss her, then you could have a sense of being in control. There are plenty of women who feel more comfortable if a man takes the initiative in this way.......at least initially.

I think it's a question of thinking about your needs at any one time, (as they are very likely to change over time) and communication.

Also there are eduactional books, videos and probably websites etc about the art of making love/improving your love life and other things like that...


never give up fighting for what's rightly yours..............


peace
Beccy


Top
#132681 - 11/16/06 11:52 AM Re: f*cking confusing
soapy bubbles Offline
Member

Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 332
Loc: london


_________________________
"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” --- Eleanor Roosevelt

Top
#132682 - 11/16/06 06:55 PM Re: f*cking confusing
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Guys,

It is a nice talk.

Can you give an advice to me.

I haev heard that the men have problems with their relationships, and these problems are connected to the very intimate stage, and to sex.

I don't have a relationship. Also I came to think after reading Selene's thread that I don't fantasize about romantic things with women. I always do fantisizes about active sex with them, however, the first steps like kissing don't get my imagination. Is this abnormal? Am I influenced by my CSA?

Thanks
Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#132684 - 11/19/06 08:36 PM Re: f*cking confusing
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1674
Loc: Moscow, Russia
Thanks, Selene.

Really good suggestions.

Surely, I can manipulate with images and with fantazies.

Also, I think, you are right about the real life and fantazies in their interconnection. I understand you. I can imagine the most wanted part of intimate relationships, and other things can be added in real life, but I need to try imagining it as well, of course.

I think I broke up with my exgirlfriend in an ubrupt manner, and I didn't understood lots about that experience.

Now I start to recall that sometimes girls pay attention to me ( I am 23). Somehow, I can't respond, or it takes me quite a time to realize that a girl pays attention to me. I just negate the fact.

So, I am rather a fantazier than a man of real life.

I want to try again a relationship and be attentive to what will go on, and be good with her.

I really want it now - and I am not very depressed now, which is a good thing.

Thanks for reply. I am glad you could help yourself in your childhood.

Alexey

_________________________
(\__/)
(='.'=)
E[:]|||||[:]3
(")_(")
--------
When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

Top
#132685 - 11/19/06 09:21 PM Re: f*cking confusing
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Alexey, yes you are young, but dont fall into the same trap as me.

I too thought that nobody could possibly fancy me, or want to be with me, but guess I was wrong.
The best way of making a relationship 'I think', is to firstly use it as friendship.

My only concession is that I am not a social freak, and need my own space.
I guess you may be somewhere like that.

How to spot if a girl fancies/loves you, against just wanting to be friends is extremely difficult, but never impossible, ;\)

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.