I have just recently attempted suicide, fortunatley i am ok now. However, the burning issue still remains. I am a married man, love my wife unconditionally, we had a fantastic marrage until recently. I have found my self spiraling out of control down a big black hole. I don't feel very good about myself atall, and recently have started looking at gay porn on the internet. My wife is aware of this, and justifiabley is very upset. I honestley don't feel gay, as I don't get aroused with these pictures, only i do admire them, I am not a very masculine man, everybody keeps reminding me of that almose everyday, by saying things like, i look as if i have just left school, or calling me babyface. I am not very impressed by my body image, and feel that by taking the safe option of flirting with men and looking at pics of men my confidence could be rebuilt, but that seems to be a load of old cobblers. I have never had a gay experiance and have no desire to, however my wife, understandabley is now really confused. I don't want to cause her anymore harm, or myself. Is it possable that I could just be obsessing over mens bodies cause that is what i want to be like.