That's the great thing about a site like this. We discover that so many of the things that shame and trouble us are not unique to ourselves: they show up with lots of other guys having the same difficulties. We aren't alone.
We also discover that we aren't screwed-up freaks: the acting out we do can be traced back to specific origins and by dealing with those causes we can eliminate the need to act out.
In my case, JT, it was alcohol and drugs. One of my teachers in college recognized the cause in my feelings of worthlessness, though he had no idea why I felt that way. So he made me his student assistant and told me I had to get clean in order to keep the job. As he put it, I had to choose: Live my life or lose it. By validating and trusting me he challenged those feelings of worthlessness, and that helped me a lot in overcoming my problems.
I think the same would apply to you. Don't tear yourself up over the acting out - that's part of the cycle and will just encourage more acting out. We are of course responsible for what we do and how we affect others in our lives, but we can't change the past. What we CAN do is learn from the past, preferably with the guidance of a therapist. By identifying the cause of your acting out the problem can, with time, be addressed and eliminated.
Just hang in there, my friend. You are NOT the mess that you think you are!