Newest Members
tammy m, TheConqueror, Bloom, JohnWC, KKumar
12423 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
dphoenix1701 (37), jaywiz2009 (69), mato (57)
Who's Online
2 registered (pittsburgh, woodenshoes), 25 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12423 Members
74 Forums
63803 Topics
445536 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#132439 - 07/02/06 10:45 AM The big leap
usccabum1985 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 43
Loc: Illinois
So this post is amid at a perticular crowd. I was abused by a women when I was young, veary young. and In tearms of shy ness I was never realy impeded by the abuse. shure there was the depressioin and the later PTSD but that never kepet me form having frinds and beaing social. My big problome came first in the form of just talking to girls. and thank god that didnt last long. well now at 21 I have no problome talking to girls. Its just now after a certen point I dont know how to even bring up having sex. Its starting to piss me off a little.
So My big question is to all the men who were abused by females. if the time had pased that you can now offer advice on the subject please do. I havent been able to get much out of my tharapist. this is one of my bigest hudles right now. thankyou for any responce.

_________________________
"same old repitition fealing up and down agen, sorrow is a highway that never seams to end"
- Jeff Austen, Younder Mountain String band

Top
#132440 - 07/06/06 03:27 PM Re: The big leap
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
USC,

I was not abused by a woman, but I know that sort of abuse is more common than is often assumed. There are just two points I would like to suggest to you for now.

First, don't get down on yourself because you have difficulties with sex. Abused boys VERY frequently have this difficulty, and it doesn't go away just because the kid grows up. In your case, remember that as a boy you discovered that sex with girls is a source of harm, confusion, shame, and who knows what else. As I said, these feelings don't just disappear - they lie just beneath the surface and can really mess us up unless we do something about them.

That leads me to my second point. You say you haven't been able to get much out of your therapist. Do you mean you are asking direct questions and are getting no answers? Or are you afraid to ask, and find it frustrating that the answers don't come up in other ways.

It's not easy to learn to trust a T. If you already have confidence in your T, then just try to bring up the topics that trouble you. You are NOT going to be laughed at, judged, or whatever.

If you still don't trust your T, that's no surprise. It's difficult for a survivor new to recovery to trust anyone at all. But let your T guide you if you can, and if you have concerns, raise them here.

Therapy really IS the way through your problems, and once you get into it and have faith in yourself and your T, it gets a LOT easier.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#132441 - 07/26/06 06:58 PM Re: The big leap
usccabum1985 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 43
Loc: Illinois
Larry,
Its not that I dont trust my T, Its just the advice he is giving me is realy not what I want to hear. It is odvious that he knows nothing about this sort of problome. he mostly deals with the falsh backs and night terrors. realy the only advice he has given is to watch out for flash backs. this is realy a bigger problam than I thought it was. mabey Ill open It up to any one who has experinced this sort of truble. thankyou for any help

_________________________
"same old repitition fealing up and down agen, sorrow is a highway that never seams to end"
- Jeff Austen, Younder Mountain String band

Top
#132442 - 07/26/06 08:05 PM Re: The big leap
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
I see. If this area is a crucial one for you, when somehow your T needs to know that you aren't satisfied with where his guidance (or lack of it) is taking you.

If the issue can't be resolved then perhaps what you need is a T with better experience with such topics. If a T isn't meeting your needs, it's perfectly okay to search elsewhere.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.